Chelsea August Counseling

02/26/2023

We cannot become resilient without experiencing pain and fear. I’m not sure that everything happens for a reason- but I do believe we can become better, stronger humans as a result of life’s difficulties. But becoming better doesn’t just happen- it requires *awareness*. Choosing awareness over and over again. Awareness allows us to not only see what happened clearly, but to understand what we need to heal, and how to move forward. How to take responsibility and also hold others accountable. Awareness is what breaks cycles and allows for vulnerable conversations. Strength of mind requires hardship AND awareness.

10/01/2020

This is a great illustration of the acceptance of emotion and also the importance of regulating emotion. ♥️ it’s a constant work in progress for all of us.

What do I mean when I say “all feelings are welcome, not all behaviours are welcome”?

One key skill for building emotional resilience is learning to get comfortable with emotions.

ALL of them.

But being comfortable with negative emotions doesn’t mean foregoing emotion regulation. Not all behaviour is appropriate, and sometimes, we need to sit in an emotion without “fixing” or taking it away. A part of allowing a negative emotion means not needing to change a boundary in order to contain it. But we can still have behavioural expectations.

On the weekend, we had a birthday party for my son (turning six). He was given a stack of coloured cups to hand out. At first, he sat and tried to work out which person would like which colour. Then he stopped, shuffled them, and walked around the table handing them out in their random order. He got to his brother and paused. He KNOWS that this brother’s favourite colour is blue. He looked at the pile of cups, and the top one was orange. He took it, passed it to his brother and said…

“You get what you get
and you don’t get upset.
If you scream and you shout
then you’ll just miss out.”

Curious, I asked where he had learned that rhyme. He told me they say it as school when handing out items, in order to stop whining over favoured colours, and prevent the chaos of haggling and swapping.

“That’s interesting,” I said, “but sometimes, if I don’t get what I want, I AM disappointed. I DO get upset. Don’t you?”

“Yes, but you’re not MEANT to!” my son replied.

“Hmmmm… actually, I think when something is upsetting, you’re allowed to be upset. Being disappointed when you miss out on something isn’t the WRONG feeling. Is it?”

I had all of their attention now.

The eldest chipped in, “Yeah, but if you whine about it, you’ll get in trouble and just miss out.”

“But you’re not in trouble for being disappointed – you’re in trouble for the whining, aren’t you?”

“I guess.”

We talked about calm down strategies we can use when we are feeling upset, like deep breaths, and reminding ourselves about small problems vs big problems.

Then my three boys set about writing a better rhyme. It’s longer than the original, but I think they did a great job. (Note: they use “brave” as a simplification of dialectical thinking – the idea they can be both upset AND okay.)

“You get what you get
And you might get upset.
If you don’t get your fave
You can practice being brave.
Breathe in and breathe out
You don’t need to shout.
If you don’t get your way
You can still be okay.”

04/23/2020

🌸😍

02/18/2020

Wise words for your Tuesday ❤️

10/28/2019

It’s a process.

10/12/2019

So encouraging to see attention being paid to the effects of trauma-especially in children.
“As California's first surgeon general, Burke Harris sees herself as a leader in a national movement toward the creation of "trauma sensitive and trauma-informed" education programs that she hopes will lead to changes in school policies.”

"One thing that tipped me off was the number of kids being sent to me by schools"

10/12/2019

I love watching my clients play 😍

09/13/2019

Hello everyone 🙂 hope your Friday is going well. I wanted to share an interesting topic, starting with a conversation I had with my daughter not too long ago. She told me a story in which she snapped at a friend because she was already in a bad mood and was “pushing it out” on her friend. I asked what she meant and she said “you know, when you’re upset about one thing but then take it out on someone else?” 😳 Um yes. We do this all the time as humans don’t we? Emotions are complex and many of us struggle with how to regulate them. Often we make our pain worse by “pushing it out” on others or by utilizing unhelpful coping skills such as drinking alcohol, binge-eating or hurting ourselves. Emotions are hard but there are healthy ways to process them!

One of the first things to remember is that emotions are NOT the enemy. They can be important sources of information if we let them. But also, emotions DO NOT REQUIRE ACTION. How many times do we feel something so strongly that we decide to do something about it too quickly and then regret it? Instead consider trying the following:

1. Notice and pinpoint what you’re feeling- it is possible you are having more than one feeling at the same time. See and accept them without making a judgment on them. Having a feeling is NOT WRONG.

2. Make yourself aware of your body in that moment: have I had enough sleep? Did I eat today? What did I eat today? How much caffeine have I had? Did I take my medication or take a new medication? Etc.

3. Make yourself aware of your environment: do I have a lot of demands on me right now? Have I spent time with people I love? Did I just experience a big life transition such as moving or the death of a parent, or the beginning of a school year?

3. How can you cope with the feeling? Do you need a healthy distraction such as exercising, listening to music or doing some art? Can you process the feeling by writing about it or talking to a trusted individual? Do you just need to allow yourself some time?

4. Decide if the feeling(s) should result in an action and plan how to move forward. For instance, if a friend says something that feels hurtful, work through the above steps first. Is the statement they said actually intentionally hurtful? Perhaps after processing you will decide to have a respectful conversation with this friend. Is it possible they didn’t mean to hurt you? Is it possible you took their words in the wrong way because you were hungry or your self-esteem has been low lately? Is it possible this friend is struggling with something you don’t know about? Some of these other possibilities may help you decide to let the feeling dissipate and not act on it.

Again, while they may be complex, emotions are not your enemy. Learning how to cope with and process them will allow you to harness their energy and their message.
I’ve attached one of my favorite emotion charts that starts in the center with bigger more broad emotions, and expands to more intricate ones. (Mind you this is only a handful of the many possibilities). Learning emotion words can help you with step 1 in which you try to pinpoint exactly what you’re feeling. Don’t assume that children can’t be just as good as adults at naming and processing feelings- include them on these exercises and teach them how to regulate themselves well.

How do you cope with hard feelings? How do you help your children with them? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments. Thanks for reading 🙂

08/26/2019

One of my clients folds up her session payment into tiny squares and it makes me laugh. Last week I challenged her to make it into origami and she did not disappoint 😂 Scotty dog FTW. This work is

08/04/2019

A very interesting perspective on the topic of emotion. Would love to hear your thoughts!

Can you look at someone's face and know what they're feeling? Does everyone experience happiness, sadness and anxiety the same way? What are emotions anyway?...

07/27/2019

If the study of mental health could be boiled down to one critical factor, (of course it is too complex for that), I believe it would be the presence or lack of important relationships and how each affects us. Human connection is everything, and I talk about it with my clients daily. What are your thoughts about this article?

Happiness, says one researcher, is the sum of many positive moments throughout the day. Something as simple as a friendly chat in the elevator can boost your mood. So put down your phone and try it.

07/25/2019

Simple and profound. ❤️