10/27/2025
It’s that time of year to honor my ancestors & those who I have loved who have passed. 11 years ago today the most influential person in my life passed away in my arms in hospice. After his heart stopped, his cranial wave continued for another 15 to 20 minutes. I know this because I held his head. That person was my Dad, the one who raised me. I also have another dad, the one who gave me life, but I never got to know him. I’m told by his family that he would’ve loved me. And I’m sure they both would have been fast friends had they known each other. I often talk about my Dad and sometimes share some of his wisdom with my clients. I think of him every single day.
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This year I also lost two very important people in my life so they now have a place of honor on my ancestor alters. My birth father‘s love of his life, Mim, and a very dear friend, Lisa. This is not about worship. It’s about honoring those people in our lives who are no longer with us. It’s a beautiful Celtic tradition that dates back millennia and very similar to the Mexican Dia de Los Mu***os. Thanking them for their gifts and their lessons and their love.
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I sometimes call this Deathiversary season. It can bring up a lot of grief. Grief is not linear. It moves at its own pace and everyone processes it in their own time. They say there are five stages of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. It’s easy to get stuck in one stage or another at different times, but our goal is to at least get to acceptance. That doesn’t mean that you’re glad they’re gone. It just means that you accept that they’re no longer in the form that they were. “With true love comes great grief”is a quote that I don’t know who said, but it’s always stuck with me. So however you honor those who have passed, whether you do it this season or on their special days, I hope that you get to the acceptance stage and I hope you find peace. Give yourself grace as you move through these stages to process the emotions that come up. Be gentle with yourself, and practice exquisite self-care.
