01/27/2026
Today is my one year anniversary of my first major episode, where I dropped out of nowhere, like a falling tree in the woods. I'm grateful my partner was able to catch me quick enough I didn't hit my head. I thought I had urinated on myself, frozen, staring at the wall trying to comprehend what had just happened. I finally was able to speak after a few minutes of laying on the ground. My partner and parents thought I could be having a stroke or heart attack, and went to the E.R. the next morning.
We didnt know if this was happening because of the new headache medication I was taking. I stopped that immediately per doctor's orders and was sent home. I visited the E.R. four more times times within the next couple weeks, one day having over 50 seizures.
I demanded that my mom came to help. You know it's bad when you are calling out for your mama. She didn't realize the severity of what was happening until she saw it in person.
The ER ran multiple tests CTs, blood draws, ekg, but refused to do an MRI because their machine was only meant for stroke patients. Once my mom arrived she strong armed her way to a neurologist (they had originally scheduled me out to the end of April) and was able to see them within a week of mom arriving.
They went through all the tests, multiples a week: MRI, EEG, MRA, CTs of my head and abdomen, ultrasounds and probes on top of that, and still, all clear tests sans a small T2-Flare that my neurologist described as a "wrinkle."
After this appointment and with a diagnosis, we started down the trail of how to recover and go into remission. I take countless amounts of medicine, see an FND psychologist, trauma therapist, CBT and DBT therapies, Neuro physical therapy, neurologist, psychiatrist, and more. However, I must say, having a team that believes you and validates how you feel, can truly make a huge difference in your healing process.
My FND psychologist has told me they think I've been suffering from FND for around a decade. I still can't get over how long I didn't realize something was wrong. As I look back I can clearly see the signs.
I developed tics and bad headaches, then a stutter, non-epileptic attacks that shook my body, thinking it was anxiety and the situation I was in. Just push through it was my mindset. Everything will be better once you're out of this environment. Boy, was I wrong.
Here we are today, a decade on the books, and a year with more knowledge than I ever had imagined. Through my care team, hard work, and an amazing support (including all of you!) I have moved forward so much that it's hard for me to not feel guilty. That others are going through this, and it's much worse. And then I think of the past year and I have to remind myself, I was there too, just a year ago.
I am by no means in remission, but I do feel hopeful that it's on the horizon. Progress is progress, always moving forward to that greater good we seek within ourselves and others.
I love this quote: "Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, 'I'm possible'." -Audrey Hepburn
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Photos are in no particular order, all from January 2025 to January 2026
