Therapy with Tiffany

03/20/2025

07/28/2023

03/07/2022

All this month, we're focusing on The Four Horsemen. It's a foundational Gottman concept, and understanding the horsemen can have a huge impact on your interactions. If you want more information about each of the Four Horsemen, you can explore:

The Gottman Relationship Blog: https://bit.ly/3IFj94o

Our Marriage Minute Email: http://bit.ly/2qB8FAc

The Four Horsemen Webinar: https://bit.ly/3HEKm5W

01/19/2022

"Expressions of appreciation should outweigh complaints in healthy relationships.

If complaints override appreciation and positive feedback, the relationship will likely feel more negative than positive over time.

Try to offer 5 positives for every 1 negative, which is based on The Gottman Institute's 5:1 magic ratio.

Please note, this post is not referring to situations of abuse or domestic violence."

Illustration and words by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy

01/19/2022

"One of my favorite strategies to teach people is that they’re actually allowed to pause difficult conversations. The Gottman Institute's research illustrates how we can become emotionally flooded and actually completely unable to communicate properly during emotionally charged conversations. This is why the whole “don’t go to bed angry” advice is actually super flawed. You can and should take breaks when you’re overwhelmed and talking about something hard.

I know some of us want to finish convos like NOW and we want a resolution. So, when someone asks you to table a conversation or to take a break, it can really create anxiety.

Whenever you decide you need a break, it’s important to address it, make it clear, and give some type of security that you will be returning to the conversation later. The goal here is to create safety, calm down, and come back to it later. This isn’t the strategy to use when you want to avoid talking about something and brush it under the rug.

If you need more time than you initially said, fine. Tell them! What’s important here is that you’ve stated your need, used the time to regulate yourself and gain clarity, and then returned to the conversation to either continue or let them know what you may need."

Learn how to love smarter by taking a break. Read more on the Gottman Relationship Blog: https://bit.ly/3nK4HQJ

Illustration and copy by Whitney Goodman, LMFT (Whitney - sitwithwhit)

01/07/2022

Close attachment and the interpersonal theory of su***de.

01/07/2022

I can’t think of a better way to start 2022 than by looking ourselves, our emotions, our scars, our beauty, our mess, our strengths, and our fears in the eye.

Finding our way back to ourselves and each other is not the stuff of resolutions. It’s the raw material of a revolution.

Thank you Dr. Laurie Santos for this great conversation.

https://www.happinesslab.fm/2022-new-year-mini-season/how-to-identify-your-negative-emotions

11/11/2021

"John Gottman from the Gottman Institute has done extensive research regarding relationships and what makes them happy.

One of the more interesting findings is about the magic ratio. After examining couples and how they dealt with conflict, it seemed that happy couples for who love lasts show five positive interactions for each negative one.

[...]So, let’s say there is a conflict between a couple where one criticizes the other. Then, to resolve this conflict they can try positive interactions, which for example are showing empathy, apologizing, being affectionate, showing appreciation or interest."

Words and graphic by on Instagram.

10/27/2021

When should you explore couples counseling?

We typically feel most confident in areas of our lives where we have support, and our relationships are no different. Research shows that couples who seek help early have the best chance of thriving even during difficult times. It can be especially helpful to seek guidance for yourself and your loved one during big life events and transitions.

Working with a trained professional is an investment in your relationship and overall well-being. On the Gottman Relationship Blog, Terri A. Ammirati, LCPC (Ammirati Counseling) offers tips to help you seek support for your relationship: https://bit.ly/2Zv2UW5

Please note: our social media posts are not meant to address situations of abuse. For immediate support, please contact thehotline.org.

10/27/2021

***deprevention

10/19/2021

Your mental health matters. It’s not an afterthought. Your needs shouldn’t be the last thing on your list. Take care of yourself first to be happier & healthier. The people you love will thank you for it.