Dr. Pamela Esau

05/06/2024

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12/17/2023

Why do we feel blue at Christmas?
While Christmas is a time for cheer, it is often not for many people. Christmas blues cause short term emotional distress. Holidays low mood can be caused by different things: increased financial pressure, social anxieties, busy schedules, and loneliness. The holidays are often primary family time and can be difficult because it is a reminder of the loss of loved ones. Some ways to beat the Christmas Blues:
Be active
Find time for self-care (relaxation, and do things you enjoy)
Guided meditation (free on Yoga.Nidra You tube)
Eating and drinking in moderation (how you eat affects mood)
Have realistic expectations (unrealistic ones lead to disappointments)
Volunteer at local charities/ food banks or at a religious affiliation
Honor your loved ones you have lost (doing a ritual, light a candle, eat or bake their
favorite food.
Connect with others.
Read by book: You don't need to be strong" (amazon.com).

09/29/2023

GRIEF RECOVERY
Recovering means finding a new meaning for your living without worrying you will be hurt again. While recovering, the goal is to learn to reflect on the fond memories, without having them bring up strong, painful feelings, and even regret. A quick way to do this is to just name the emotions to your self when they surface, like SAD OR ANGRY Recovering is telling others that it is okay for you to feel sad at different times- especially now with the changing season. The more you express feelings to people that wont judge you, or journal feelings, the more you will heal. Grief doesn't run a specific length of time, and is not linear. Rather it is cyclic, like the seasons. Learn more from my book AMAZON.COM: "YOU DON'T NEED TO BE STRONG" PAMELA ESAU
and loss

11/18/2022

How do we cope with grief around the holidays? Grief triggers are everywhere. It could be a party, an event, a tradition, food, songs that reminds us that our loved ones are no longer with us here on earth. Remember that avoiding memories or reminders will not help us cope. Your moment to moment feelings will come with the emotions attached. Some feelings will be positive like joyful, happy and some will be negative such as uncomfortable or sad, know this is normal no matter how long the grief journey. The key is allowing the feelings to occur without avoiding or resisting them. If you try to hide them they may become painful. Some practical strategies:
1) Photos. Put out old photo albums in a place accessible to holiday visitors or for yourself to look through.
2) Donate to a cause in your love ones name. You can choose a charity your love one would've supported maybe. During the holidays churches, homeless shelters food pantries, nursing homes and toys for tots our some ideas.
3) Light a candle. In honor of our loved one, you can leave it burning during the day when you think you'll miss them the most.
4) visit or spend time in a place where you feel close to your loved one. Also you could watch favorite holiday movies or listen to your love ones favorite holiday songs.
5) use your loved one's old recipe to make holiday cookies or a holiday dinner. Or you can make a food they enjoyed and enjoy it yourself or share with others. (Traditionally I make sugar cookies from my grandmother's recipe handed down to my mother. I take them with me to the Christmas holiday and have the grandchildren and their parents ice them).
6) Keep your loved one alive in your heart. Talk about little happy memories with others while dining or otherwise. This is good for you and them because you give them permission to comment.

09/25/2022

Sometimes grief feels like you are carrying around a heavy stone in a backpack and other times it can feel like a little pebble in maybe your pocket that you always carry around with you. Suffice it to say, Grief continues on and you always carry it around with you to some degree, whether it is a person, pet or other valued loss. Take a moment to feel this loss, instead of pushing it away and you will continue your healing and not get stuck. Buy my book. “You don’t need ti be strong” available on Amazon.com

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08/24/2022

Is your grief resurfacing? Be prepared for Anniversary reactions and know they are normal. Connect with others, plan a distraction, do something your loved one liked to do. See more in book. Your Don't Need to be Strong (Amazon).

08/24/2022

Allow yourself to have your emotions and know they are normal.

Need help?
Buy my book!

https://www.drpamelaesau.com/you-dont-need-to-be-strong-book

People are concerned about being judged on how "strong" they are. When someone you love dies or separates from you, it can be a painful experience. To complicate matters, America's society today is less tolerant of emotions. Trying to deal with the reality of the loss and figuring out how to adjust....

06/09/2022

ARE YOU GRIEVING IN SUMMER? Figuring out how to cope with grief can be really difficult. Summer time can be one of these times. It could be even the smallest things we encounter daily can trigger a memory/unexpected wave of feelings. As we head into summer, we often go to backyard BBBQs, bonfires, and vacations. While we anticipate fun get-to-gethers with family and friends, some people find it difficult to engage or attend because they are experiencing a loss of a loved one, a pet or any loss they valued. Grief has two sides: wanting to have fun with others, while feeling the sadness of the loss, which is hard to handle. If you want to move through grief, you have to willing to allow yourself to FEEL YOUR PAIN. Experiencing emotions of grief is a huge part of healing! In those kind of moments, if you are a more private person, just go to the restroom. It's ok as well to shed a tear in front of others, as we are human.
Granted that there is a tendency to avoid summer social events to not feel your pain, or even guilt, buying your feelings will only prolong your grief process. It's ok not to attend every summer event, just choose the ones you think you can handle and declining others. Think about doing something to honor your loved one, like planting something, or baking their favorite food. , ,