Chrissy Follis, LMFT

10/14/2025

I thought I might make an official intro for my page… my name is Chrissy Follis and I am a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. I have been practicing here in Orange County, CA for over twenty years- hard to believe!! It is one of my greatest joys to partner with so many wonderful people in their pursuit in healing themselves and their relationships. 💕

Professionally, I love to work with adults and couples learn healthier relationship skills, develop insight and learn ways to navigate their emotions through the ups and downs of life. 🎢 I work holistically, meaning I make sure to look at both health and environmental factors that may be contributing to your overall well-being. I’ve also received training on a variety of modalities- from applied kinesiology to acupressure, Gottman to EFT- healing is NOT one size fits all, and together we can help you reach your mental health goals.

I have graduate degrees in both Therapy and Pastoral Counseling, allowing me to integrate faith into my practice for those looking for a spiritual foundation. I’ve been able to teach Psychology as an Adjunct Professor as well as lead workshops locally on a variety of topics.

I’ve been a homeschooling mom for over 10 years to my two kids and married for almost 17 years to my husband. I love Italian food, warm sourdough, and chocolate malted crunch ice cream 🍦I love music, and though I never thought I’d say this, I am in my Summer I Turned Swiftie Era, even though I’m still locked into my John Mayer channel on Sirius. 🎶😂 I’m glad you are here! Feel free to reach out if I can be of any support or resource to you! 🩷

09/07/2023

As a couples and family therapist, it is always amazing to me how much relationships are based on assumptions.

Sometimes we assume the best about someone or sometimes we assume the worst- but in the absence of healthy communication, we assume.

Assumptions serve a purpose- they are our brain's way of keeping us safe. Depending on our wiring and experiences- we may assume the worst or the best.

If we can go into a conversation assuming someone has a good intention (instead of a terrible one)- your conversation has a much better chance of going well, leaving you both feeling respected and valued.

If we go into a conversation assuming someone is ill intentioned, which is often not accurate- chances are the conversation will fail.

And, if you discover that person really does have bad intentions- it sounds like you discovered this isn't the relationship you want to be in.

09/06/2023

My daughter and I sat at our table working on a homework assignment. She looked at her blank paper, looked at me and with an impassioned plea, carefully constructed an argument as to all the reasons why this homework was difficult, ridiculous and how there was just no way this was going to go well.

Knowing her and knowing what the assignment was asking of her, I could confidently say to her, “Honey, do you think maybe you are making it harder than it needs to be?”

I know this question well, because I say it to myself often. Those of us that are emotionally wired, tend to tell ourselves very robust and complex narratives about circumstances, situations and relationships.

Learning how to regulate our emotions, means checking in with our response to see if it’s proportionate to the situation and often asking ourselves, “Am I making this harder than it needs to be?”

Often times, the answer is a resounding YES, as it was for my daughter who shifted and completed her work in less time than it took her to tell me how hard this was going to be for her.

Such is life- our anticipation or our response, is often so much more charged than the actual solving of the problem.

How you narrate or the meaning you make of the situations of your life, can be a true game changer for not just emotional regulation, but for creating the change you wish to see.

09/05/2023

09/05/2023

“He tends to protest all new things,” wrote my dear friend about her son’s feelings about starting kindergarten.

“I’ve been there!” I thought. The relationship we have with change can be a complicated one. Many of us want to see some type of change in our lives, but when faced with the choice to make that change, so many times we find ourselves resisting it.

“Listen to the resistance,” I tell my clients when I give them homework gently nudging them towards making a needed change in their life- often tender and sacred ground in their emotional landscape. “The goal isn’t to come back next session having created the change you were looking for, though gold stars if you do. The goal is to listen to the resistance so you can heal what is holding you back from creating the change you desire.”

The change we desire will always seem elusive and unavailable until we can understand why that part of us prefers to stay the same. The interplay between the risk of change and the safety of sameness can be a tug-of-war or it can be an elegant dance, but to acknowledge that that step with grace is a step towards healing and growth.

12/25/2022

Merry Christmas!! May you find some small moments of joy in your holiday.
🎄❤️🎄

03/03/2022

11 years ago today I became a Mom.

They tell you that once you have a baby your heart exists outside of you; and although that is very true, something we don't talk enough about is that when you become a mom, how you know yourself (your identity) shatters into a million pieces.

For me, my transition into motherhood was aburpt- and I think the whiplash that occurs is a huge part of what makes up postpartum. So many of our journeys into motherhood are punctuated with themes of loss and disconnect from who we once were to who we are now.

We are lacking a narrative that supports this process of feeling our identity fall into pieces, the idea of feeling disconnected from our essence and the grieving for our past self that marks so much of the post partum period.

For me, I've been crafting a new narrative. I've been picking up the pieces of myself for the last 11 years and discovering new ones along the way. Like putting the pieces together of a puzzle, I'm trying to create new and expanding pictures of myself that connect with the parts of my past self that can so easily get lost in the jolt of motherhood. I honor the parts of myself that go dormant during this season. I take joy in the parts I am discovering - getting to know them, enjoy them and appreciate them.

Being a mother is the most important role and responsibility I will have in this life. It is hard but it is also amazing- and it's so important to have a narrative that honors both sides of this story. It is hard and it is good. It's important that we all know that even though the role of motherhood is magnificent, our identity outside of that role is just as magnificent- one cannot exisit without the other.

I love the person I was, I honor who I am today, and I am excited about how I am expanding into who I am going to be- aches and pains and bursts of joys and glorious moments that take me there.

Today I am most grateful and tender for the sweet boy that burst into the scene 11 years ago today- breaking me open so I could grow and become so much more.
💛

02/28/2022

My 8 year old daughter has been expressing a lot of emotion these days. She goes big really fast, mostly with her brother, but her intense emotional reactions aren't helping her feel heard or get her needs met. It's frustrating for her and for those of us that love her.

It's hard when we get stuck reacting instead of responding.

We tend to go bigger and louder with our emotions the less we feel heard and powerful in a situation. Somehow being "out of control" with our feelings give us a temporary feeling of power when we feel very powerless. In those moments we are ultimately saying, "will you please hear me and help me?"

However, when our reactions turn into weapons- ways to hurt those we love because we haven't felt heard for a long time, we end up creating more damage to recover from rather than solving the original problem.

Emotions that are disproportionate to the problem ultimately become the problem. And no one wants to feel like they are the problem that needs solving. They want to be heard, respected and connected with- and if you are raging, you are sabotaging.

Sadly, many people grew up in home where emotions were not validated or they were used to hurt or maybe taught that life seems easier and more peaceful if you just hide your feelings. This can make the work of connecting, even in conflict, difficult- but not impossible if both people are willing to see it through.

We tell our daughter that her feelings are important and that we want her to express them; but just as important is learning to communicate in a way that she is heard and listened to- this is how we learn to trust and respect each other.
💛

02/23/2022

Hard things happen. Our instinct is to go through how we could've prevented this hard thing from happening so it never happens again. That is a good thing- we want to learn and keep ourselves safe! Sometimes we need to take a look at our choices and recognize that different ones could've yielded different outcomes.

But what about the times when that isn't the case?

It is almost harder when hard things happens- tragedies and trauma, and we spin through our "coulda woulda shoulda" scenarios in the hope of finding how we could've stopped this from happening- and we come up empty.

This can feel like a gut punch.

Feeling the edges of our power in this life can feel absolutely brutal. Experiencing the free will of someone elses choices, or even Life's choices and feeling our sheer powerlessness can bring us to our knees.

Instead of shaming ourselves for something completely out of our control as an attempt at a false sense of control- tricking ourselves into thinking that we can prevent all bad things from happening, we are faced with another option:

Doing the vulnerable work of recognizing that we are limited, that we are not God (not even God prevents bad things from happening this side of heaven), and accepting that. We offer ourselves grace and compassion and we tap into the parts of ourselves that do have have power and we work through our circumstances with integrity.

When we feel abandoned by Life, it is imperative that we don't abandon ourselves in shame and instead connect to our broken parts with love and compassion. This is how we heal.
💛

02/23/2022

It always hurts my heart when I hear people refer to themselves as "lazy"... or worse yet, call their spouse or their child "lazy."

So many of us grew up being told we are "lazy"- laced with shame and even disgust.

"Unwilling to work or use energy" is a working definition of 'lazy'- sure, we have all been in that space- but do we need to label that as a character defect or can we look at what is really going on that can make us feel lazy?

Just as we coach parents on how to help their toddlers transition from play time at the park to going home for lunch or school aged children to transition to school time from drop off- we can learn how to coach ourselves to transition well as adults. The truth is, for many of us, transitions are hard. Creating change- big or small- can use up energy, feel uncomfortable, and just like that toddler refusing to get into the car, the adult version can look like endless scrolling on social media, Netflix and chilling, and all other behaviors we label as 'lazy.'

For some people, feeling productive and busy is the only acceptable state of being so anything less than that is labeled 'lazy' when in fact, they are just giving themselves rest.

Of course, we can also be "unwilling to work or use energy" if we feel like that will only lead us to failure and so we avoid as a way to self-preserve, choosing to feel 'lazy' instead of a 'failure.'

In the end, labeling ourselves as 'lazy' is often a deadend into Shame, leaving us feeling defeated and hopeless towards change- an "I am who I am" type of feeling. When you look at what is really happening for you- whether its feeling overwhelmed by change and transitions, or feeling uncomfortable with rest and self care, or just feeling fearful of your own limits and humanness- my hope is seeing yourself through a wider lens with more context leads to being able to offer yourself deeper levels of grace. When we can see ourselves with new, understanding eyes, we are much more likely to create the change we are needing to see.

Ultimately, when we change the labels, we change the person.
💛

02/21/2022

Today my hubby and I celebrate our 13th Wedding Anniversary!

I can't imagine it has been easy being married to a Marriage Therapist- but he has been so gracious and patient with me through the years, which in turn, has made it easier to be gracious and patient with him when he isn't the easiest to be married to either- ha!

Marriage is a miracle. For two people to continuously choose each other daily for a lifetime is sacred work. It is humble work. And even a Marriage Therapist, who has multiple degrees and certifications in relationships, knows that a healthy marriage begins with the truth that we will be learning how to love each other well for a lifetime.

Those two in the first picture have grown a lot in the 13 years we have spent together as a married couple- I am proud of the relationship we are nurturing and the family we have created. It has come from intention, choice and consistently going back to the values we have created when our pre-marital therapist asked this starry-eyed couple: what is the purpose of marriage?

I have shared in the next slide some of my answers to this question, answers that have kept us steady through the ups and downs of life. The list continues to grow- as it should as we grow as a couple, as a family and as individuals.

What would you add to the list? What values have helped you nurture and ground your marriage over the years?
💛



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02/17/2022

A not so secret about me- I don't like risk. I am a pretty "play it safe" type of person. Change is not my favorite feeling and as a sensitive person, I acknowledge and protect my emotional bandwidth.

With that understanding of myself and how I am wired, I make an conscious effort to create a low risk life. However, I know I cannot avoid risk. There is a difference.

Risk is a part of life- we cannot escape it. But if we life in fear of risk or in the opposite- a denial of risk, we are opening ourselves to greater discomfort and difficulties in our life.

The "right answer" isn't to embrace risk. The answer is to know yourself- what is your relationship with risk? Some people are wired to take risks- it lights them up. Some people, like myself, are wired for low risks- it keeps their nervous system in check.

But risk isn't just unavoidable- it is necessary for growth. It is how we learn to trust ourselves, the world around us- it is how we get to know how capable we are as well as the areas we still need to grow in.

The takeway here is stop avoiding risk or denying they exist. Be smart about what type of risks are important for your growth and educate yourself on making "smart risks" as opposed to impulsive ones.

The less afraid we are of life, the more we can respect it.
💛