Chrissy Follis, LMFT

11/25/2025

The phrase “core memories” is all over social media to describe the big surprises and the grand gestures. For therapists, we use the phrase to mean those small memories that bubble up when you think about how safe (or unsafe) you see the world and the people in it.

It’s the memory of:
Being cuddled in your dad’s arms during a thunderstorm
The smell of freshly cut grass after playing in your backyard
The hug from your mom after a hard day of school

These moments that can happen in a blink tell you the world is safe and your people can be trusted.

The opposite is true too- the moments of your parent snapping at you, a classmate gossiping about you, and all the other moments that can still cut like a knife.

Everyone has both types of core memories- the goal is to have more positive than negative, of course.

As a parent, the stress of the holiday hustle can set us up for short tempers, disproportionate reactions and little patience.

It can help to reframe stress by remembering how powerful the moments of connection that happen in just being present and patient. Your child will likely forget the big gift but they won’t forget how you responded when they needed you.

11/23/2025

Advent is the Latin word for “coming” or “arrival.” Four weeks before Christmas, Christians all over the world and all throughout time observe a season of waiting and preparation, usually centered around weekly themes of hope, peace, joy, and love.

Engaging in spiritual traditions helps us to find rhythm; it is an invitation to slow, be present and find intention as opposed to living as a reaction to our circumstances.

Living this side of heaven often means being in a place of waiting.
Waiting for the…
New Job
Test results
Find your spouse
Your spouse to love you well
The baby in your womb
Your family to be restored
Love after loss

How do we wait in the midst of suffering? How do we wait when Anticipation tells us to fear the worst?

Recently I was talking with a mom who shared that when her child had a meltdown, the best thing she could do, was to wait quietly with her child. Mom didn’t engage or try to fix, she simply offered her quiet, loving presence and waited with her child as they worked through their meltdown. Mom noticed that her child recovered so much faster when she waited with her child instead of leaving them alone.

This is what God does for us. He waits with us, because like this mom, He loves us and He doesn’t want us to be alone.

For Christians, Advent is about waiting for their Savior to be born, God transcending Heaven so He could be with us. God knows that sometimes the way we wait with Hope, is waiting both with Him while we wait for Him.

If you would like to paint the Advent along with me, please check out ‘Christmas’ watercolor book. Such a beautiful way to balance out your busy with some slow creativity to help you take in the season.

11/21/2025

I work with a lot of families that have kids that are very sensitive and have trouble sorting and organizing their thoughts and feelings. They can get overstimulated easily and big emotional reactions become the norm.

It’s overwhelming for parents to know how to manage their child’s disproportionate reactions.

There is no one-size fits all approach, but a good rule of thumb is Less is More. Often parents “over parent” trying to tackle several goals at once (regulation, behavior, character, etc). I’d pick one- and that’s usually always giving space with appropriate boundaries/expectations to regulate what they are feeling without added stimulation.

Once they have regulated themselves, then I would debrief the episode- that’s where you can address character, etc. When we are regulated, we are calm and we are more likely to hear, process and integrate what is being shared with us.

PS This is true for adults, too 😉

11/20/2025

Most people come into therapy to deal with their unregulated emotions or someone that they love unregulated emotions.
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Usually when someone becomes escalated or dysregulated- meaning their emotion is disproportionate to the situation- people jump in to de-escalate them, but their tactics to de-escalate end up overstimulating the already dysregulated person!! This is usually when good intentions send families off the rails into a train wreck of messy emotions that take time to clean up.
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Instead, be the Emotional Thermostat by maintaining your “cool” especially in stressful times. Parents think by engaging every emotion their kid experiences they are helping but they are really overstimulating them.
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By setting boundaries in a calm tone, giving them space to express their discomfort safely, and be present instead of engaging- you’ll notice your child get back to a regulated state much faster.
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PS this works for adults, too!!

10/14/2025

I thought I might make an official intro for my page… my name is Chrissy Follis and I am a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. I have been practicing here in Orange County, CA for over twenty years- hard to believe!! It is one of my greatest joys to partner with so many wonderful people in their pursuit in healing themselves and their relationships. 💕

Professionally, I love to work with adults and couples learn healthier relationship skills, develop insight and learn ways to navigate their emotions through the ups and downs of life. 🎢 I work holistically, meaning I make sure to look at both health and environmental factors that may be contributing to your overall well-being. I’ve also received training on a variety of modalities- from applied kinesiology to acupressure, Gottman to EFT- healing is NOT one size fits all, and together we can help you reach your mental health goals.

I have graduate degrees in both Therapy and Pastoral Counseling, allowing me to integrate faith into my practice for those looking for a spiritual foundation. I’ve been able to teach Psychology as an Adjunct Professor as well as lead workshops locally on a variety of topics.

I’ve been a homeschooling mom for over 10 years to my two kids and married for almost 17 years to my husband. I love Italian food, warm sourdough, and chocolate malted crunch ice cream 🍦I love music, and though I never thought I’d say this, I am in my Summer I Turned Swiftie Era, even though I’m still locked into my John Mayer channel on Sirius. 🎶😂 I’m glad you are here! Feel free to reach out if I can be of any support or resource to you! 🩷

09/07/2023

As a couples and family therapist, it is always amazing to me how much relationships are based on assumptions.

Sometimes we assume the best about someone or sometimes we assume the worst- but in the absence of healthy communication, we assume.

Assumptions serve a purpose- they are our brain's way of keeping us safe. Depending on our wiring and experiences- we may assume the worst or the best.

If we can go into a conversation assuming someone has a good intention (instead of a terrible one)- your conversation has a much better chance of going well, leaving you both feeling respected and valued.

If we go into a conversation assuming someone is ill intentioned, which is often not accurate- chances are the conversation will fail.

And, if you discover that person really does have bad intentions- it sounds like you discovered this isn't the relationship you want to be in.

09/06/2023

My daughter and I sat at our table working on a homework assignment. She looked at her blank paper, looked at me and with an impassioned plea, carefully constructed an argument as to all the reasons why this homework was difficult, ridiculous and how there was just no way this was going to go well.

Knowing her and knowing what the assignment was asking of her, I could confidently say to her, “Honey, do you think maybe you are making it harder than it needs to be?”

I know this question well, because I say it to myself often. Those of us that are emotionally wired, tend to tell ourselves very robust and complex narratives about circumstances, situations and relationships.

Learning how to regulate our emotions, means checking in with our response to see if it’s proportionate to the situation and often asking ourselves, “Am I making this harder than it needs to be?”

Often times, the answer is a resounding YES, as it was for my daughter who shifted and completed her work in less time than it took her to tell me how hard this was going to be for her.

Such is life- our anticipation or our response, is often so much more charged than the actual solving of the problem.

How you narrate or the meaning you make of the situations of your life, can be a true game changer for not just emotional regulation, but for creating the change you wish to see.

09/05/2023

09/05/2023

“He tends to protest all new things,” wrote my dear friend about her son’s feelings about starting kindergarten.

“I’ve been there!” I thought. The relationship we have with change can be a complicated one. Many of us want to see some type of change in our lives, but when faced with the choice to make that change, so many times we find ourselves resisting it.

“Listen to the resistance,” I tell my clients when I give them homework gently nudging them towards making a needed change in their life- often tender and sacred ground in their emotional landscape. “The goal isn’t to come back next session having created the change you were looking for, though gold stars if you do. The goal is to listen to the resistance so you can heal what is holding you back from creating the change you desire.”

The change we desire will always seem elusive and unavailable until we can understand why that part of us prefers to stay the same. The interplay between the risk of change and the safety of sameness can be a tug-of-war or it can be an elegant dance, but to acknowledge that that step with grace is a step towards healing and growth.

12/25/2022

Merry Christmas!! May you find some small moments of joy in your holiday.
🎄❤️🎄

03/03/2022

11 years ago today I became a Mom.

They tell you that once you have a baby your heart exists outside of you; and although that is very true, something we don't talk enough about is that when you become a mom, how you know yourself (your identity) shatters into a million pieces.

For me, my transition into motherhood was aburpt- and I think the whiplash that occurs is a huge part of what makes up postpartum. So many of our journeys into motherhood are punctuated with themes of loss and disconnect from who we once were to who we are now.

We are lacking a narrative that supports this process of feeling our identity fall into pieces, the idea of feeling disconnected from our essence and the grieving for our past self that marks so much of the post partum period.

For me, I've been crafting a new narrative. I've been picking up the pieces of myself for the last 11 years and discovering new ones along the way. Like putting the pieces together of a puzzle, I'm trying to create new and expanding pictures of myself that connect with the parts of my past self that can so easily get lost in the jolt of motherhood. I honor the parts of myself that go dormant during this season. I take joy in the parts I am discovering - getting to know them, enjoy them and appreciate them.

Being a mother is the most important role and responsibility I will have in this life. It is hard but it is also amazing- and it's so important to have a narrative that honors both sides of this story. It is hard and it is good. It's important that we all know that even though the role of motherhood is magnificent, our identity outside of that role is just as magnificent- one cannot exisit without the other.

I love the person I was, I honor who I am today, and I am excited about how I am expanding into who I am going to be- aches and pains and bursts of joys and glorious moments that take me there.

Today I am most grateful and tender for the sweet boy that burst into the scene 11 years ago today- breaking me open so I could grow and become so much more.
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02/28/2022

My 8 year old daughter has been expressing a lot of emotion these days. She goes big really fast, mostly with her brother, but her intense emotional reactions aren't helping her feel heard or get her needs met. It's frustrating for her and for those of us that love her.

It's hard when we get stuck reacting instead of responding.

We tend to go bigger and louder with our emotions the less we feel heard and powerful in a situation. Somehow being "out of control" with our feelings give us a temporary feeling of power when we feel very powerless. In those moments we are ultimately saying, "will you please hear me and help me?"

However, when our reactions turn into weapons- ways to hurt those we love because we haven't felt heard for a long time, we end up creating more damage to recover from rather than solving the original problem.

Emotions that are disproportionate to the problem ultimately become the problem. And no one wants to feel like they are the problem that needs solving. They want to be heard, respected and connected with- and if you are raging, you are sabotaging.

Sadly, many people grew up in home where emotions were not validated or they were used to hurt or maybe taught that life seems easier and more peaceful if you just hide your feelings. This can make the work of connecting, even in conflict, difficult- but not impossible if both people are willing to see it through.

We tell our daughter that her feelings are important and that we want her to express them; but just as important is learning to communicate in a way that she is heard and listened to- this is how we learn to trust and respect each other.
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