Living Hope Counseling Center

01/28/2026

We will conclude our January series on forgiveness by considering what forgiveness requires. Remember that forgiveness is a vertical commitment followed by a horizontal transaction, which means forgiveness is an investment in your relationship with God and with one another.

As with all investments, there is a cost involved. Let’s consider six things that forgiveness requires:

1. Humility

When we stand in the center of our own universe with nothing more important to us than ourselves, we find nothing more offensive than a sin against us. And when pride allows us to think of ourselves as righteous—more righteous than the people we interact with who will sin against us in some way—then it is hard for us to forgive.

“Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” (1 Peter 5:5)

2. Compassion

Compassion is being moved by the plight of another, coupled with action to help. Husbands and wives, does compassion grip you when your spouse sins against you? Parents, are you touched by your kid’s struggle with sin? Children, do you feel for your parents when they fail once again? Pastor, are you sad for the people you shepherd in those moments when they are easily entrapped by sin? Christian, do you stand alongside your fellow brother or sister when they struggle, even if the result of that struggle is sin against you?

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36)

3. Trust

Forgiveness is not so much an act of faith in the other person to confess and repent as it is an act of faith in God. Forgiveness believes that God is with you, that his Word is true, that there is a blessing and a reward for obedience and righteousness, and that he will give you what you need to be who he has called you to be and to do what he has called you to do.

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

4. Self-Control

To forgive, you have to say no to bitterness, say no to the desire to lash out with angry words and actions of vengeance, and say no to the impulse to share your anger with a relative or friend. Giving way to these things is never a prelude to forgiveness.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” (Galatians 5:22–24)

5. Sacrifice

So often, we neglect to enter into the long process of forgiveness because we love ourselves more than the other person and do not want to be hassled or hurt again. We choose self-protection over what pleases God and what is best for the other person and the relationship. Forgiveness requires that we be willing to let go of our desire for safety and comfort and for the surface peace of silence, and, as an act of faith, that we endure what we do not want to face in order to help the other person and to reconcile our relationship.

“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” (2 Corinthians 5:14–15)

6. Remembering

Above all, this is the one thing that stimulates forgiveness in our relationships with others.

Do you remember that there is not a day in your life that you do not need to be forgiven? Do you remember that you will never graduate from your need for grace? Do you remember that you have been forgiven with a love you could never earn, achieve, or deserve?

“Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!” (Psalm 25:7)

When we are filled with the grief of our own sin and with gratitude for the amazing forgiveness we have been given, then we will find joy in giving to others what we have received.

When you remember the grace that you have been given, you’ll have a heart that is ready to forgive!

A Prayer for Today: God, give me a heart and willingness to forgive. Sometimes, I think it’s impossible to forgive because of the ways I have been hurt or sinned against, but I want to be so enamored with the grace you have given me that my joy overflows into a spirit of forgiveness toward others. Help me to grieve my own sin. Help me to live with gratitude for the grace you have lavished on me. Help me to be in awe of the forgiveness you so readily give. And Lord, help me to, by the power of your Spirit, to give forgiveness to others the way you have given to me. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
We will conclude our January series on forgiveness by considering what forgiveness requires. Remember that forgiveness is a vertical commitment followed by a horizontal transaction, which means forgiveness is an investment in your relationship with God and with one another.

As with all investments, there is a cost involved. Let’s consider six things that forgiveness requires:

1. Humility

When we stand in the center of our own universe with nothing more important to us than ourselves, we find nothing more offensive than a sin against us. And when pride allows us to think of ourselves as righteous—more righteous than the people we interact with who will sin against us in some way—then it is hard for us to forgive.

“Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” (1 Peter 5:5)

2. Compassion

Compassion is being moved by the plight of another, coupled with action to help. Husbands and wives, does compassion grip you when your spouse sins against you? Parents, are you touched by your kid’s struggle with sin? Children, do you feel for your parents when they fail once again? Pastor, are you sad for the people you shepherd in those moments when they are easily entrapped by sin? Christian, do you stand alongside your fellow brother or sister when they struggle, even if the result of that struggle is sin against you?

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36)

3. Trust

Forgiveness is not so much an act of faith in the other person to confess and repent as it is an act of faith in God. Forgiveness believes that God is with you, that his Word is true, that there is a blessing and a reward for obedience and righteousness, and that he will give you what you need to be who he has called you to be and to do what he has called you to do.

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

4. Self-Control

To forgive, you have to say no to bitterness, say no to the desire to lash out with angry words and actions of vengeance, and say no to the impulse to share your anger with a relative or friend. Giving way to these things is never a prelude to forgiveness.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” (Galatians 5:22–24)

5. Sacrifice

So often, we neglect to enter into the long process of forgiveness because we love ourselves more than the other person and do not want to be hassled or hurt again. We choose self-protection over what pleases God and what is best for the other person and the relationship. Forgiveness requires that we be willing to let go of our desire for safety and comfort and for the surface peace of silence, and, as an act of faith, that we endure what we do not want to face in order to help the other person and to reconcile our relationship.

“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” (2 Corinthians 5:14–15)

6. Remembering

Above all, this is the one thing that stimulates forgiveness in our relationships with others.

Do you remember that there is not a day in your life that you do not need to be forgiven? Do you remember that you will never graduate from your need for grace? Do you remember that you have been forgiven with a love you could never earn, achieve, or deserve?

“Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!” (Psalm 25:7)

When we are filled with the grief of our own sin and with gratitude for the amazing forgiveness we have been given, then we will find joy in giving to others what we have received.

When you remember the grace that you have been given, you’ll have a heart that is ready to forgive!

A Prayer for Today: God, give me a heart and willingness to forgive. Sometimes, I think it’s impossible to forgive because of the ways I have been hurt or sinned against, but I want to be so enamored with the grace you have given me that my joy overflows into a spirit of forgiveness toward others. Help me to grieve my own sin. Help me to live with gratitude for the grace you have lavished on me. Help me to be in awe of the forgiveness you so readily give. And Lord, help me to, by the power of your Spirit, to give forgiveness to others the way you have given to me. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

01/18/2026

01/07/2026

These aspects of forgiveness are vital to relationships in the life of a believer. Since we have been forgiven of the unimaginable, so we must forgive

For the month of January, we’ll spend four weeks in Wednesday’s Word committing to canceling debts and offering forgiveness.

If you want to experience your healthiest relationships ever in this New Year—whether it's your marriage, with your children, parents, extended family, or relationships in the body of Christ—healthy relationships are healthy because people in those relationships find joy in canceling debts.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 4:31–5:2).

To begin, let’s first understand what forgiveness is. Here’s a simple definition: Forgiveness is a vertical commitment that is followed by a horizontal transaction.

Both aspects of forgiveness are essential, but in the order that I have presented them.

When you have been wronged in word or action by another person, your response must first be shaped by an immediate commitment that you make before God.

Forgiveness begins by first giving the offense to your Lord.

The vertical commitment aspect of forgiveness with God clears your heart of the baggage of bitterness and condemnation so that when you eventually horizontally transact with the person who wronged you, you are in a spiritual position to do it in a way that is kind, patient, loving, humble, and encouraging.

The first part of forgiveness is judicial; that is, entrusting the offense to God, who alone is able to judge. The second part of forgiveness is relational. It is a transaction of grace between the person who has committed the offense and the person who has been offended.

I will unpack this more next week, but forgiveness does not mean that you eat the offense and act as though nothing happened. In fact, the Bible calls the one who has been sinned against to go to the person who committed the offense and present it to them.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother” (Matthew 18:15).

But this is where the order of the two parts of forgiveness is essential. The reason you must start with giving the offense to God is so that when you come to your “brother” (or sister, or spouse, or parent, or whomever), you come with the right attitude and the right goal.

What is the right attitude? Grace.

What is the right goal? Reconciliation.

Vertical commitment, horizontal transaction. Grace and reconciliation. It sounds easy, right? Almost too easy! Well, with two sinners living in a broken world, forgiveness is rarely a singular event and almost always a process.

You may find yourself returning to old, bitter thoughts and getting angry once again, and you need to confess that to the Lord and seek his help. You may have succumbed to treating the other person judgmentally, even though you had committed not to, and you might need to confess that wrong to him or her (even in the process of offering them forgiveness!)

And, it is often the case that the one who committed the offense against you is having a hard (and slow) time seeing and owning what they have done. This may mean you have to go to them more than once, reminding them that there is a sin between you that has not been dealt with, and that, because of that, there is a breach in your relationship and a need for reconciliation.

Your purpose is not to badger them into a forced, quick confession, but to let them know that you love them so much that it pains you to have wrongs in the way of the unity and understanding that you should be experiencing.

May the Lord give us the grace to bring our horizontal hurts vertically first to him, where we will then receive the grace to extend grace to those who have wronged us!

A Prayer For Today: Lord, admittedly, I need your grace in my life to help me extend grace to others who have wronged me. Sometimes I struggle to have the right attitude when I’ve been sinned against, and I need your power to overcome my apathy, anger, frustration, and bitterness. God, you humbled yourself by becoming a man in order to be reconciled to me, so please give me the ability to humble myself that I might seek reconciliation with others. By the power of your Spirit, make me the kind of person who goes to you first in the process of forgiveness, and then seeks others out with a heart of reconciliation. Thank you for loving me enough to forgive me when I didn’t deserve it. Help me to see others the way you see them. In Jesus’ name, amen.

08/26/2025

Beautifully written by one who has experienced this.

My dear friend,

I was saddened, but not wholly surprised, to hear you are thinking about divorce.

As I understand it, over the years you and your husband have argued with increasing bitterness. He doesn’t appreciate your many sacrifices on his behalf. He’s not a great provider. Glued to his phone, he ignores the kids and their needs unless you remind him. You look at old photos and cry, unable to recapture the passion you know you must have felt. It’s hard to admit, but sometimes you feel repulsed by the man you are supposed to love. The world is in crisis, and your marriage feels like one more disaster. You want out.

I know you love Christ and want to serve him. You also know that God forbids divorce, except in certain cases like adultery, abuse, and abandonment (Matt. 5:23; 1 Cor. 7:15). But you are struggling. You don’t have biblical grounds for divorce, but your marriage is loveless and filled with fighting. It’s hard to imagine God wants you to stay.

𝐑𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐈𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
This is the place where imagination is most needed. I want you to see and believe that marriage is bigger, much bigger, than our individual happiness. God himself conducted the first wedding ceremony, fashioning Eve and presenting her to Adam (Gen. 2:21–24). Even after sin entered the world, God’s good plan for marriage continued. Jesus still said, “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9). Divorce goes against created order, rips the cosmos.

Divorce also spoils our witness to the gospel. Marriage is a living metaphor of Christ and the church (Eph. 5:22–33). Of course, fallen husbands do not, and cannot, love their wives as deeply as Christ loves the church. And until the day sin is finally vanquished, fallen wives will struggle to submit to their husbands. We model spiritual truths imperfectly. Even so, the gospel shines through our embodied picture, sometimes loudly and sometimes softly—until divorce shatters that picture.

Perhaps your imagination still fails you. Intellectually, you understand God’s great design for marriage. At the same time, it seems impossible to remain, day after day, with this husband who continually fails you. May I offer some thoughts from hard experience?

𝐈 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞
I was divorced after three children and 10 years of marriage. Since that time, almost two decades ago, I have counseled many women weathering divorce and its aftermath. I can tell you confidently that divorce is worse than you think. If you go through with divorce, you will experience extreme emotional distress, including sadness, anger, and shame. You will feel alone. Conflict with your husband will probably accelerate, pulling friends and family into the vortex. And you will lose any semblance of control over your life.

Perhaps you are prepared for personal pain. Yet I implore you, my sister, to think about your children. For children, divorce “blows up the planet.” Your children will experience catastrophic levels of emotional distress, unmitigated by the maturity of adult understanding. In addition, decades of research have shown us that children in single-parent households are more vulnerable to poverty, abuse, and school failure.

My children endured a staggering level of psychological trauma from my divorce and the subsequent custody litigation. Countless therapy appointments did little to ease their existential wounds. Today, we hug each other and thank God, with tears, that we made it to the other side. For more than a decade, that outcome was far from certain.

I also wonder whether you have counted the financial impact of divorce (Luke 14:28–32). It seems your finances are already stretched, and a source of conflict. Divorce will stretch them further, to the breaking point and beyond.

First, it is always more expensive to maintain two households. Expect your standard of living to drop immediately. You may have to live with parents, or move into a smaller apartment with roommates.

Second, it is difficult to get a divorce without attorney involvement. And lawyers are incredibly expensive. Even if you have parents or other family members willing to help now, they will soon realize that divorce is a money pit. Think home-mortgage levels of debt, but with nothing to show for it.

You may have hopes for a loving, happy relationship post-divorce, with a different man. Although some women do remarry, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. My husband, John, and I have been married for 17 years. During premarital counseling, our pastor warned us that blended family life is hard, and that second marriages have a higher rate of divorce than first marriages. We forged ahead, believing our love would beat the odds.

Solely through the grace of God, John and I did make it to the other side. Our kids are grown now, and we are happy and thankful to be married to each other. But our pastor was also right. Blended family life was very, very hard. Again, for more than a decade, the outcome was far from certain.

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝗪𝐡𝐚𝐭?
God hates divorce, and for good reason (Mal. 2:16). Christians must learn to hate what God hates, including divorce (Ps. 139:21-22). I urge you, in the power Christ provides, to fight tirelessly for your marriage. Trust that God has given you all the resources you need to be faithful.

Use this time to turbo-charge your private prayer and Scripture reading. Seek counsel from church elders and older, wiser believers. If your husband agrees to go with you, great. But if not, go alone. The most important battle is in your own heart, resisting the voices of envy and discontent. Beg God for strength to forgive the past, to treat your husband kindly, one day at a time, especially when he doesn’t deserve it.

Of course, your marriage may still be torn asunder, despite your best efforts. I had to face the sad fact that restoration of my first marriage was not possible. Nonetheless, we know God’s grace is sufficient in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). Even through the Valley of the Shadow of Death (an apt description of divorce), God promises to walk with us (Ps. 23:4). But for now, while your marriage still lives, there is hope (Eccl. 9:4).

For yourself, your family, and the gospel, I pray you will firmly and finally put all thought of divorce behind you. Take up your cross and follow Christ in all things (Matt. 16:24–25). He promises you will find abundant life.
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𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗜𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗠𝗲: 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗮 𝗗𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲 by Laura Baxter. Laura practices law and teaches at her local university. She attends Church of the Redeemer in West Monroe, Louisiana. You can read more of her work at stirfrylaura, and her devotional book on Job is available on Amazon.

Originally published January 26, 2021.

04/13/2025

04/09/2025

What two words can speak into an aimless life, Satan’s fiery arrows of condemnation, and a faint and weary heart?

“Everything on the dry land in whose nostrils was the breath of life died […] But God remembered Noah and all the beasts and all the livestock that were with him in the ark.”
(Genesis 7:22, 8:1)

As you walk through God’s great redemptive story, you see that it is a story of fresh starts and new beginnings. What seems like the end of the story might actually be a new beginning that lasts forever.
The sin of Adam and Eve seems like the end of a very short story, but God promises that a fresh start is coming. The global flood seems like the end of the earth, but God makes a covenant with Noah, and God’s plan marches on. The enslavement of the children of Israel in Egypt seems like the end of the people of God, but God exercises his power to give them freedom and a land of promise.

David’s sins of adultery and murder seem like the end of David’s line, from which the Messiah was to come, but God forgives and restores his king. The destruction of Jerusalem and the temple, along with the captivity of Judah, seem like the end of God’s people once again, but God leads a remnant back, restores his people, and rebuilds the temple.

The crucifixion of Jesus seems like the end of all hope, but then comes the resurrection, Christ’s ascension, and the growth of his church. This fallen world will someday be burned up, but it will not be the end, because the new heavens and earth will rise, and peace and righteousness will reign forever.

This is what powerful redeeming grace does. It cannot and will not be defeated. God’s grace will have its way. God’s grace will win. Your struggles today are not the end. Your Lord has a plan for you. His grace guarantees a future for you.

Rest in his grace, trust, and obey. His plan marches on. You are wise to build your life, hope, and dreams on the sure foundation of God’s amazing grace.

No hope after Adam,
but God.
No grand redemptive plan,
but God,
No surviving a global flood,
but God.
No descendants for Abram,
but God.
No future for Joseph,
but God.
No Passover freedom from Egypt,
but God.
No journey through the Red Sea,
but God.
No mana in the wilderness,
but God.
No tabernacle of worship and forgiveness,
but God.
No crumbling walls of Jericho,
but God.
No defeat of the Midianites,
but God.
No victory over Goliath,
but God.
No new beginning for Jonah,
but God.
No walking out of the fiery furnace,
but God.
No safety in the lion’s den,
but God.
No prophets, priests and kings,
but God.
No hope for the line of Judah,
but God.
No Messiah born to Mary,
but God.
No Word becomes flesh,
but God.
No Living Water,
but God.
No Bread of Life,
but God.
No Passover Lamb,
but God.
No cross of forgiveness,
but God.
No victorious resurrection,
but God.
No royal ascension,
but God.
No gift of the Holy Spirit,
but God.
No forgiveness for Peter,
but God.
No rescue on the road to Damascus,
but God.
No written revelation,
but God.
No great and precious promises,
but God.
No new life in Christ,
but God.
No community of faith,
but God.
No reconciling mercy,
but God,
No rescuing conviction,
but God.
No heart transformation,
but God.
No fresh mercies for each day,
but God.
No endless love,
but God.
No hope in the valley,
but God.
No humility on the mountain,
but God.
No strength in weakness,
but God.
No enduring faith,
but God.
No willing obedience,
but God.
No fight against temptation,
but God,
No final defeat of sin and Satan,
but God.
No second resurrection,
but God.
No destiny secure,
but God.
No forever kingdom,
but God.
No glorious wedding feast,
but God.
No victory songs of the redeemed,
but God.
No new heavens and earth,
but God.
No peace and righteousness forever,
but God.

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.

But God,

being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
Ephesians 2:1-10

Would you like more from the Wednesday Word Series, as well as question prompts for family discussion? https://www.paultripp.com/wednesdays-word

Would you like to listen to today's Wednesday Word? https://tinyurl.com/mvzab7z4

03/16/2025

Not all husbands are intentional, spiritually mature heads of their homes. What can weary wives do to help them lead and love like Christ?

03/16/2025

The is so true. As a biblical counselor, I am able to see those faithful ones who have been fed a diet of sweets and those who have fed on sustenance. As I present truths from the Word, those who feast on sweets doubt God’s goodness and struggle with the whys and what ifs. Those who feed on truth trust in the Lord or respond “we believe; help our unbelief”. It is a totally different experience.

03/12/2025

"The Lord gives us enough for today and today alone. Then, when tomorrow comes, he gives us enough for that day too." —Ed Welch

In Running Scared: Fear, Worry & the God of Rest, Ed Welch explores how fear impacts our lives and how God's promises can bring peace to our anxious hearts. Discover practical insights for overcoming fear and finding true rest in God. Learn more: https://bit.ly/41gE8Fi

02/12/2025

There is no treasure quite like a marriage which stands the test of time. Our loudest prayer is that God would raise up this generation to understand the price of lifelong love and eagerly choose to pay it.

Imagine... what would your family, church, and society look like if three generations from now they can look back at a history of healthy, lasting (though imperfect) marriages? How will your marriage help shape the marriages of your children and your children's children?

How you choose to love each other in your marriage will have a MUCH greater impact in the generations to come than what you earn, accomplish, say, or do.

We remain incredibly thankful for the more mature, wiser, and older couples who have gone before us and modeled biblical love along the way. There truly is no treasure quite like a marriage which stands the test of time.

• For other couples, they're an encouragement and a bastion of hope.

• For their families, they're a steady reminder of strength and grace.

• For the Church, they pass along a legacy of faithfulness, endurance, and love.

• For society, they are a foundation for flourishing future generations.

As you look at your own marriage, remember that lifelong love is always a lifelong choice. Talk to any couple who has persevered and you'll hear stories of heartache, anger, frustration, and difficulty... BUT, you'll also hear stories of forgiveness, reconciliation, healing, grace, joy, and delight!

Marriage is an incredible gift and an immense responsibility. May we steward this gift well and may God bless our daily decisions to love one another His way instead of our own.

Stay fierce,
Ryan & Selena