10/04/2025
Welcome to October - https://mailchi.mp/a12c159f033a/welcome-to-october-metal-grief Welcome to October....we've made it to my favorite month. How'd September treat you? It was an intense month for me. The 9 energy brought a number of things to completion & forced me to turn to self-care and rest.
I overbooked myself with teaching, the final Tao of Trauma training, & Scott's Mum visiting. I got sick in the midst of the teaching & training (grief impacts the immune system). I appreciate your patience as I navigated that & the lingering grief of Ranger's passing.
I have grieved before. This time is different. Trauma is intertwined.
The threads of loss, sadness, emptiness, breathlessness, tears, sorrow, & the void are shadowed by trauma. The helplessness, the pain & fear he felt, the weight of knowing how it would end, the drive, the decision to let him go. It's all so heavy & vast.
And, yet, I keep going. Riding the waves. Pausing when my breath catches & the sadness & sorrow floods me, again.
The 18 years I've spent learning how to regulate my nervous system & how to care for myself are paying off. When it shows up now, I give it space to occupy me. I pause, breathe, & feel it. I'm no longer afraid of it overtaking me.
But, this time is different. There's a charge to the image of Ranger on the drive to Mt Vernon. The energy & body work, vagal toning humming, & breathing just aren't touching it. That's how I know that my body is holding onto the trauma of that night.
Patterns that dominated my neck years ago that I thought were resolved have returned. The click, click of the Occiput and Atlas when I turn my head, creating a vibration through my skull have been with me since August.
Our bodies hold so much & can hide so much from us that we aren't able to feel in the moment. The problem is that it will eventually begin to impact us....whether it's weeks, months, years, or decades.
Sometimes, we can be doing all of the things to support ourselves, but our body is protecting us from what it's holding onto. It takes time, trust, and gentleness for it to feel safe enough to let it go.
I am diving into offering the Tao of Trauma sessions. For the duration of Metal Season, I will offer introductory 60 minute sessions for $88.