04/08/2026
Hello all, Cassin bowing in.
As we continue through the mindfulness trainings I wanted to take this opportunity to share some additional information that one might find helpful when contemplating the Third Mindfulness Training on True Love.
Elizabeth so kindly shared with me an excellent teaching by Leslie Booker, which then turned into a deeper dive into q***rness and Buddhism. I encourage folks to take a listen to this talk, it's focused on the positives of the practice which I know has been important to us as we contemplate all the trainings.
The 3rd precept: Kāmesumicchācāra veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi. Which has many translations and interpretations.
I undertake the training to avoid misbehaving out of sensual fondness
I undertake the training to avoid sexual misconduct
Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivating responsibility and learning ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. Knowing that sexual desire is not love, and that sexual activity motivated by craving always harms myself as well as others, I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without mutual consent, true love, and a deep, long-term commitment. I resolve to find spiritual support for the integrity of my relationship from family members, friends, and sangha with whom there is support and trust. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. Seeing that body and mind are interrelated, I am committed to learn appropriate ways to take care of my sexual energy and to cultivate the four basic elements of true love – loving kindness, compassion, joy, and inclusiveness – for the greater happiness of myself and others. Recognizing the diversity of human experience, I am committed not to discriminate against any form of gender identity or sexual orientation. Practicing true love, we know that we will continue beautifully into the future.
Something I notice right away is just how much more depth and breadth there is to the third option here.
And I'd like us to consider focusing on "cultivating responsibility" and what that looks like for our sensual fondnesses, as well as, for our interpersonal relationships.
And while simultaneously acknowledging that by finding spiritual support from those whom there is trust and recognizing the diversity of human experience - the Plum Village tradition is moving towards a decolonized vision of human existence. Which, is kind of a big deal, in the history of buddhism.
When we do this, we can see that True Love really is a focus on ethics, loving kindness, and mutual respect of all parties - while putting aside rigid puritan, patriarchal, and historical norms to embrace the broader community.
That can then bring us closer to an understanding of our sensuality, how that impacts our community groups (family, sangha, village, country, planet) and how centering on consent allows for broader cultivation of responsibility.
This idea can then lead us back to the second mindfulness training as women and other minorities become less objects for unskillful fondness and more mutually respected community members. And removing mutual consent is akin to taking that which is not given.
For monastics this training may literally be abstaining from all sensual fondnesses and/or unskillful behavior stemming from this. Brother Phap Luu gives an interesting talk about just how this abstention is maintained which you can watch/listen to here.
Beyond that - Thay had some really excellent things to say about how the 3rd and 5th mindfulness training intertwine. Which you can read here. I really enjoyed contemplating this statement, "True love includes the sense of responsibility, accepting the other person as he is, with all his strengths and weaknesses."
And while I really appreciate all that is said in For a Future to Be Possible, I believe he made light of monks and nuns always following these rules. As we know that many celibant practices from many religions lead to some irresponsible behaviors lacking mutual respect and consent. Which includes some prominent teachers and other trusted monastics.
In some of my q***r buddhist communities there is good discussion around the transsexuality of monastics - as those born with similar biological realities as the rest of us chose to distance themselves from that through cognitive behavior practices and deep meditations. Is this a lack of gender? An affirmation of the existence of sensual fondness and skillful practices? Are all monastics asexual and aromantic? Voluntary or involuntary? So many streams of thought.
And then, of course, how can any of this apply to those of us who are not monastics? Which brings us right back to cultivating responsibility (which Thay says is the most important part) and making sure we have mutual consent and respect while being surrounded by a community we trust and that can trust us.
I look forward to facilitating a discussion of the subject matter tomorrow.
Cassin - bowing out.
