12/04/2025
When someone says ‘stop being anxious,’ I wish they knew anxiety isn’t a choice — it’s a nervous system response.
If ‘ya, cálmate’ actually worked, none of us would need coping skills.🙃
Here are a few steps you can take to show up for someone struggling with anxiety.
1. Validate, don’t correct.
Swap “you’re overreacting” for “I can see this feels really intense.”
Validation lowers shame and helps the nervous system settle.
2. Remember anxiety is physiological.
Racing thoughts, tight chest, irritability—these are automatic responses, not choices.
Treating anxiety like a decision only increases distress.
3. Co-regulate instead of commanding.
Slow your breathing, soften your tone, sit with them.
Safety calms faster than “just relax.”
4. Ask what type of support they want.
“Do you want problem-solving, grounding, distraction, or just company?”
Most people know what helps; they just need space to say it.
5. Gently anchor them in the present.
Try: “One slow breath?” “Three things you see?” “Want some fresh air?”
This helps the thinking brain come back online.
6. Don’t make them ‘perform calm.’
Removing pressure to act fine actually helps them regulate.
7. Stay curious.
“What might your anxiety be trying to protect you from?”
Curiosity opens the door; dismissiveness shuts it.
8. Check in later.
A simple “How are you feeling now?” builds safety and connection.
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Tell us in the comments:
How do you show up for someone with anxiety?
And how do you ask loved ones to show up for you?
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