Counseling by Cait

05/12/2021

✨Relationships are crucial in each one of our lives.

Whether it be romantic, familial or platonic, how your relationship functions can have great impact in how you feel about yourself and how you move through the world. 💪🏻

Although relationships are inherently complex. There are a few qualities that truly mark a healthy one. ✨✨✨

🔸Support: Do you celebrate me and want me to be the best version of myself?Do you help or hinder me in the things that are important to me?
🔸Honesty and Trust: Can I trust you to do what you say? Will you show up for me when I need you? Can I be vulnerable with you?
🔸Safety: Can I rely on you to not intentionally harm me emotionally and/or otherwise in big ways and in small?
🔸Accountability: When you have made a mistake can you acknowledge it? Will you attempt to grow and take ownership when needed?
🔸Consistency: Can I relax into this relationship knowing that you are mostly consistent in all of these qualities, especially where it matters the most?

All human beings and relationships struggle. There is no perfection that exists. 📣

However, the root of a relationship that consists of healthy qualities is the basis of growth, connection and ability to withstand life’s challenges. ☝️❤️

04/05/2021

Your nervous system controls quite a bit of how your body feels throughout your day.

When you begin to feel overwhelmed, anxious, disconnected, stressed, it most likely is connected to your nervous system being stuck in fight or flight too consistently.
Fight or flight (or an engaged sympathetic nervous system) is actually a good thing. It protects us from perceived threats and danger.

However, what can happen is that this nervous system becomes engaged too frequently and it’s counter part ( the relaxation response/ parasympathetic nervous system) is not accessed enough to counteract the stress response...

This leads to a variety of symptoms as listed above and if left unchecked can begin to cause more chronic mental and physical health issues.

Where to start?
🔸Awareness is key
🔸Begin to notice how you feel, how your body feels when in fight or flight
🔸Identify where you triggers are
🔸Notice what your behavior is during the day and what calms or increases stress response

Tools to Engage Relaxation Response?
✨Deep Breathing
✨Improved Sleep Habits
✨Physical Movement
✨ Cold Shower or Splashing Cold Water on Face
✨ Gargling for two minutes and humming( sounds weird, but it works)
✨ Meditation
✨ Reduce Screen Time
✨ Connect with Nature, go outside

03/30/2021

Checking in with yourself is a way to pause the autopilot we are often on and really listen to what we need. We don’t often ask ourselves how we are feeling and what is impacting us throughout our day.
When you do, you can begin to gain awareness into what best serves you and what doesn’t.

This allows for:
🔸Better protection of energy
🔸Slowing down to see if certain actions and thoughts are serving you today
🔸Ability to listen and trust in your inner needs
🔸Identify unhelpful patterns that impact mood

Try checking in even once a day and begin to see how this simple, yet effective technique can change your days ✨

03/12/2021

Gratitude exercise: Write 3 things down each morning/evening that you have gratitude for. This does not need to be the big stuff, it can be a simple “someone held the door for me today”, “a warm cup of coffee”, etc.

✨Gratitude exercises are shown in scientific research to be strongly associated with improved emotional and mental health, they reduce anxiety and depressive symptoms and allow you to cope with adversity better.

✨Don’t confuse gratitude with invaliding tough feelings, you can find gratitude and still validate when things are hard or you are feeling down or anxious. Gratitude is not toxic positivity.

Take some time this week to try out this gratitude exercise and check in to see how you feel after it’s completed, chances are you might begin to feel a positive change in mood overtime. 💕

03/10/2021

Showing that you care and offering support is a beautiful thing BUT it is important to keep in mind that is very different than absorbing someone else’s issues and taking them on as your own.

✨Trying to fix, change and own someone else’s struggle is not the same as offering support and love
✨ Abandoning your own needs to support someone does not equal love and care
✨ Absorbing someone else’s feelings/emotions and journey leaves you feeling drained/frustrated and can change relationship dynamics over time by developing unhealthy patterns
✨ Allowing someone to take an active role and responsibility in their life shows love

You don’t have to take on someone else’s struggle as your own to be helpful or to show you care.
Remember, boundaries are healthy for everyone involved. 💕

03/10/2021

03/09/2021

Perfectionism is rampant in our society...Especially for women.

There is an undercurrent of pressure that we can do it all...do it well and balance everything without being emotionally affected.

“Success” is celebrated, which appears harmless, however, the expense taken is often not looked at.
✨Maybe getting that promotion came with working yourself to the bone, negative thought patterns, unhealthy stress, depression and sleepless nights?
✨Maybe the mom who looks like she has everything together on the outside, feels alone, exhausted and not good enough on the inside.
✨Maybe the young woman who is just graduating from school, questions her choices, is terrified to make a mistake and gives everything of herself to ensure she is able to be “successful” in her new career.

This not so subtle pressure builds into a vicious cycle of doing more, doing better, beating yourself up whenever a mistake is made. We build a life with unrealistic standards and then base our self worth on achieving them.

Perfectionism takes time to unwind, but a few things to practice can begin to change the cycle and allow for more compassion to be present.

✨ Tune in to small victories and celebrate them
✨Question expectations and standards, ask yourself is their room to start smaller and build up
✨ Use positive affirmations when a mistake happens “you are learning through this” , “I’m more than just this one mistake”
✨Focus on the bigger picture, don’t get stuck in the small details
✨Ask yourself what you truly value and check in to make sure you are living accordingly

03/03/2021

Reading magical and inspiring words can be such a powerful tool, especially when you are looking for self growth, healing and change.
Here are a few of my favorite...as a psychotherapist I have seen clients be transformed in many ways by these works.

✨ The Artists Way: Julia Cameron’s work that has become a cult classic in the decades since publishing. Learn to unlock creativity and self expression through discovery in writing. Don’t be fooled, this book leads to much more than just writing. Confidence growth, self-expression, connection,healing, all the good stuff happens with this one.

✨No Mud No Lotus: a beautiful and inspiring book that helps you navigate suffering with mindfulness and acceptance. This book teaches you how to fully live a joyful life.

✨ Untamed: a story of a woman who woke up and found herself again. If you are ready to reclaim your life, this is the inspiration bible you need to seize your next chapter and live authentically.

✨The Year of Magical Thinking: if you are or have ever gone through loss, this book is for you. Joan Didion, a personal favorite of mine, writes grief and loss so brilliantly you immediately feel understood and all your feelings validated. It’s a must read.

✨Wherever you go, there you are: such a good one, that we all can benefit from. Shares the art of mindfulness and truly paying attention to your self, life, desires. Learn to savor the moments of your life and cultivate joy through mindfulness.

03/02/2021

When it feels like things will always be hard, remember this. ✨

02/23/2021

Start taking steps to live authentically to your values and needs. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it feels so much better when you are true to yourself✨

02/22/2021

You get to decide how your life feels. Start today! ✨

02/22/2021

I know it can feel like in order to be strong, we have to handle things on our own. Our culture seems to push the narrative that we “should” manage hard things without much support.

This creates shame around voicing struggle.
This creates millions of people all managing and working through their stress, pain, anxiety, sadness, loss, etc all alone...Never sharing their struggle with the people who care for them or allowing someone else to help carry the load.

We all need help, support and love. It doesn’t make you weak to let someone know that you need them...it actually creates:

✨deeper bonds and stronger relationships
✨connection through shared vulnerability
✨relief and stress reduction
✨less shame and isolation
✨community
✨allows for others to feel more comfortable sharing with you when they need help

Ask for help when you need it, give help when you see someone needs it. Let’s change the culture that says we have to carry it all on our own. You are STRONG.