03/30/2026
as life goes on i find myself still struggling with my grief. it’s one of those things where as more time passes it feels worse but the world continues to think “it gets better with time” but i find it to be quite the opposite. i was born in march of 2003, miranda was born april of 2005. we are 2 years apart in age. i do not remember life before her. my earliest memories she was always there. but my brain has trouble acknowledging we are no longer 2 years apart now. we are 7 years apart as of yesterday. this is something i’ve been struggling with all week, just accepting that as fact. i had to work on my birthday (worst decision will not do again, f**k customers who i told have a great day and just nodded when it was MY birthday but anyways) and as i usually do i was listening to music in the car before my shift started. i have very fond memories of when i first learned to drive miranda was always my favorite passenger. one memory in particular she played the song beautiful by eminem and we just sat there and listened to it. that song came on while i was sitting in the car and i found myself imagining she was sitting passenger to me like before while listening to the song. even in moments of grief i find it quite nice to “play pretend” as if she was still here, next to me, just listening to a song in the car. do whatever silences your grief no matter how silly. grief is selfish and when you accept that, it makes dealing with it a bit easier.
