11/20/2025
Next week is Thanksgiving, a holiday of football, questionable side dishes, and the annual debate over whether the turkey is moist or not. But for some of us, the idea of stuffing and cranberry sauce doesn’t bring comfort; it just underscores the empty chair at the table and the piece of our hearts that's missing.
Let's be honest: the only thing “stuffed” right now is our list of emotions.
While everyone else passes the gravy, We’re passing memories back and forth, hoping one still makes us smile instead of tear up. The truth is, the menu can be as traditional as a Norman Rockwell painting, yet there’s still nothing on it to fill the ache where our loved one should be sitting.
I know there’s advice out there, (I’m often the one giving it), light a candle, make their favorite dish, raise a toast. And yes, I’ve suggested setting out a plate just for them, but honestly, the idea that their portion of mashed potatoes might go uneaten feels rude. They’d probably never approve of wasting good food.
Maybe this Thanksgiving it’s really just about learning to accept the “happy-sad” moments.
Nobody wants to be the one who brings the sadness to Thanksgiving, right?
But if we’re making awkward jokes at the table about our dead person, we can only hope that people know we’re not just being cynical, we’re just trying our best to survive with whatever scraps of the memories we have left.
Because sometimes…what feels most present is the person who isn’t.
So if you’re like me, already bracing yourself for the moment when someone asks, “What are you thankful for this year?” remember: it’s okay to feel all of it. Maybe what you’re grateful for is surviving another year, even if you did it holding your broken heart together with duct tape.
Maybe it’s sharing one small memory of the person you miss, so their spirit shows up alongside the pumpkin pie.
However you patch your way through next week, this season isn’t a fix for grief, and you don’t have to fake being happy either. If you find yourself needing to pass on the stuffing but extra helpings of patience, that’s completely allowed.
So let’s make a toast to the missing, who’re still with us in every way we can find.
From my grieving heart to yours: even if Thanksgiving looks nothing like the commercials, we’re still at the table, together in our loss.
Gary Sturgis – Author Gary Sturgis
