01/31/2021
The incessant criticism doled out by this internal voice can cause us such pain that our first response is often to simply want to eliminate it.
Unfortunately going to war with this part of ourselves only creates more inner division, stress, and a lack of safety, the very conditions in which the inner critic gets fired up. This voice develops in childhood, often as our best effort to keep ourselves safe when we feel vulnerable or under threat. The implicit logic is “If I criticize myself first then I can avoid criticism from the outside”. To a primal part of us our very life depends upon remaining acceptable to the “tribe” (our caregivers, family of origin and peers).
As the inner critic believes it has an absolutely essential job to do in keeping us alive, any attempts to simply eliminate it will be met with fierce resistance.
One way to step out of this loop is to turn towards it with kindness and gratitude rather than fear or hatred. Internally we might whisper something like “Thank you so much for your years of tireless work doing your very best to keep me safe. I so appreciate you and I’m ok now, I’m safe”. Softening our attitude in this way promotes harmony inside as opposed to division. Creating internal safety (nervous system regulation) lets the critic know on a visceral level that we’re okay, we’re not under threat and its services are not needed for the time being.
With practice we can start to carve out space from this critical voice, making room for more expansive states such as presence, connection, joy, spontaneity, and receptivity. As with changing any habit, it takes time and commitment but in my experience it is well worth the effort.
