Allison Lee Burgess, LMFT

02/11/2025

Happy to contribute to Self Magazine's mental health column!
Read at the link:
https://www.self.com/story/outgrow-therapist-signs

02/11/2025

Happy to contribute to Self Magazine’s mental health column! Read at the link:
https://www.self.com/story/outgrow-therapist-signs

04/23/2024

Sensory overload is the feeling of anxiety or panic that arises when a person is overstimulated or overwhelmed by sights, sounds, or other senses.

There are so many stimuli that your brain gets overloaded and can't process everything, and sort of short-circuits.

So this can look like: emotional outbursts; irritability; being reactive or “out of control”; or not listening to instructions. It can also be an emotional shutdown, where the person appears to “disconnect” or withdraw or even become nonverbal.

While this can happen to anyone, it's particularly common in neurodivergent people.

You can help yourself or someone else in sensory overload by diminishing sensory input and getting back to a place of sensory safety.

04/11/2024

DO PARENTS CAUSE TRAUMA?

Of all the various types of trauma most, if not all, neurodivergent people deal with in their lives, the hardest can be trauma from loved ones.

As a parent of an ND teen (and working with families of ND teens), I had to learn that although I “did my best” for my kids growing up, I DID DAMAGE too. I didn’t mean to…no parent is actively trying to harm their child. I didn’t know what I didn’t know…back when my kids were young, there wasn’t a lot of information or support about neurodiversity, certainly not in the parenting realm.

I did the best I could, having no idea that my child was neurodivergent…I applied neurotypical expectations to my neurodivergent kid, not realizing that not only were they inappropriate expectations, but that he could never achieve them in the way I wanted. Which. Was. Traumatizing. To HIM.

Only later, when we were able to identify his Autism, was I able to recognize that I had no idea how to support him at home. Just because we had a diagnosis did not mean I suddenly communicated perfectly with him. I needed guidance in how to shift my expectations, to reconsider my definition of success, and to truly value these differences. I had to relearn how to parent, in ways that took his sensory and emotional needs into account, to develop of more collaborative parent/child relationship, and to rebuild trust.

I have worked through a lot of the shame and apologized for my inadvertent actions that caused harm to my kid: him not feeling like I truly understood him; that he wasn’t performing well enough for me; that he was failing with tasks I gave him. That in some way he was less “okay.”

I learned that it was important for me to address this with him: that my ignorance was not an excuse, but context for how he was treated, or how I acted or reacted. That I too can learn and do better. That we could work together to communicate what I need, what he needs from me, to build mutual trust and be able to work through misunderstandings and conflicts more effectively.

He’s almost an adult now…and the pride I feel in our relationship surpasses any shame I ever felt for not knowing better when he was small. No parent wants to accept fault or accept the fact that we caused any level of trauma to the very ones we love the most. And by having the strength to self-reflect and to communicate with my son how I “messed up” or invalidated him in the past levels the playing field for us both. I love that kid with all that I am, and will never stop learning and growing so that I can support him to be the very best version of himself.

health

04/09/2024

John wasn't told about his Autism diagnosis until he was 21. For most of his childhood, he was put into behavioral treatment, where he was quite literally instructed to “look at what other kids are doing, and do that.”

And so John learned how to mask his Autistic traits and “pass” as a neurotypical kid, for the most part.
John hadn’t ever been taught about what Autism really meant, and the debilitating effects of a lifetime of “masking,” or camouflaging his true self in order to fit in with society. He needed to learn that his sensory and emotional needs were an important part of his true self, that he didn’t need to hide or feel shame about those needs, and he needed tools to self-advocate.

04/02/2024

April 2, 2024 is World Autism Awareness Day!

04/02/2024

Happy April to everyone and especially to any Autistic loved ones, colleagues and friends! ✨💪🏻🧠

health

03/30/2024

Exciting news, friends! I've just updated my Linktree with all the essentials: from connecting with me on social media, exploring my website, to booking speaking engagements, it's all there in one convenient place! Click the link below to stay connected and don't forget to share with your network!

Shifting the parenting paradigm to embrace neurodiversity, one family at a time.

03/29/2024

The word Neurodiversity originates from the concept of biodiversity, which is the idea that to have a sustainable and thriving society we need all kinds of different minds.

Neurodivergence is a healthy variance in brain wiring.

03/18/2024

Audio link to my SXSW EDU talk “Missed and Misdiagnosed: Overlooked Neurodivergent Teens” is up on my website: https://www.allisonleeburgess.com/speaking

03/09/2024

A classic. Autism doesn’t have a “look” or signature style. Many traits are internal and invisible to others. Please don’t tell an Autistic person they don’t “look” Autistic; the implication is that they’re masking so well you can’t “see” the Autism.
Once again for the people in the back: the goal is for a person to be their authentic self, NOT to be as close to Neurotypical as possible.