12/18/2025
Recognizing autism in girls and women has been a challenge for the field of psychology, and firsthand accounts are crucial for understanding what autism looks like in girls.
Autistic "Girls*" often present their Neurotype differently than Autistic "Boys"....
*(Girls includes anyone AFAB, anyone who doesn't identify as Male, and anyone socialized as a girl)
👵🧘♀️🧏♀️🧑🦲🤰👱♀️🤸♀️👩🦱👩🦽👩🦳🤱👧
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And since all the Autism tests/diagnostics are based on gender conforming, White Boys--
that means that Girls, people of color, and trans/queer folks
are ALL less likely to be diagnosed and supported, for their differences.
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Getting back to "Girls" specifically....
My personal experience as an Intersex person raised Female/who presented female,
was that my fairly OBVIOUS Autism wasn't "clocked" by medical providers, until my SON was diagnosed.
And that's a fairly familiar story.
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I would hazard to say that MOST Autistic folks who were diagnosed in middle age--
are "Mothers" to either an Autistic SON, ♂️
or to a non-speaking Autistic daughter who is labeled "profoundly Autistic." ♾️
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It's disappointing.
Excruciating.
And MADDENING.
So, if you have been trying to contain your rage over how much HELP your son gets,
compared to how much PUNISHMENT YOU got for the same behaviors and characteristics...
Please know that I completely understand. 🫂
I want the best for my Autistic children, but that doesn't negate the fact that I deserved empathy and compassion, too!
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Now, let's look at how Autism might look in a school age girl....
Your daughter might:
🩷💜💚 🩷💜💚
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*Be a perfectionist and have a lot of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
*Seem pretty much fine with eye contact, unless she is upset 👀
*Be obsessed with Fantasy novels, Jane Auten, Little House on the Prarie, animals, Bridgerton, or something considered "appropriate" for girls.
*Be really sensitive to smell and sound, very aware of any changes in her environment 👃
*Need to know where the exits, bathrooms, and water are, when they arrive somewhere.
Their anxiety over sensory issues means they want to plan ahead.
If they are Hypermobile they may also need to toilet more often or SUDDENLY.
*Be perceived as overly blunt and direct 😳
*Get sick frequently...masking stress hurts their immune system
*Mirror others, picking up accents when traveling or picking up quirks from TV shows. Styling herself like her mother's best friend, etc. 👒
*Have a fluid gender identity
*Want her headphones, even if their music is off. 🎧
*Feel frequently misunderstood.
She might want to give you lengthy explanations of her TRUE thoughts and motivations.
It's not enough to meet her need. She wants you to UNDERSTAND her psychology. 🧠
*Be very particular about how their room is designed and set up.
They put a LOT of effort into cultivating just the right sensory retreat from the world,
and they may frequently reareange things to meet immediate needs, or may not want you to EVER touch their things.
*Be prone to "klutzy" injuries, knocking their hips into drawers and elbows into doorframe.
This is due to low Proprioception.
*Struggle or appear awkward with bi-lateral coordination and cross midline coordination activities
like hand writing,
tying shoes, using scissors, riding a bike, using silverware, visual tracking when reading, buttoning clothes, and catching things.
*Prepare jokes and expressions in advance, to use at social gatherings....and ruminate over if they worked/failed, later 🧐
*Have low self esteem
*Sneak off at parties to hang with the pets, the youngest children, just one person, or a book/screen. 📚
*Seem emotionally, overly sensitive and intense...
Prone to dysregulation and shutdowns, which might only happen when she gets home, hours later.
*Hate transitions.
Need extra time to sit in the car before entering the building, need to arrive early, etc.
*Be prone to periods of depression
*Have interests that seem advanced for their age
(Renaissance history, antiques, fossils, NASA builds, Prohibition fashion/music, the Titanic, Norse Mythology, enbalming, Civil War, Women's Suffrage, etc.) 🗿🎯🤖
*Take jokes literally and fairly seriously
*Engage in repetitive behaviors like hair twirling, shirt-neckline or necklace "mouthing," chair rocking, toe tapping, hair flicking, pencil chewing, etc.
*Dress in a way that makes her stand out, but not because she wants to stand out.
Her fashion is rooted in a desire to express her identity, special interests, and gender fluidity. She uses it to find others with similar interests. 👩🚀🦸♀️🧝♀️🧟♀️👸🧙♀️
*Be frequently praised by adults for being polite
*Have either flat facial affect or almost theatrical EXAGGERATED facial expressions
*Really like over the top, farcical, slapstick and screwball comedies because they don't have to try and read between the lines. Everything is clear and obvious!
(Monty Python, Mr. Bean, Romey & Michelle, Scary Movie, Zoolander, Meet the Fockers, Daddy Daycare, Step Brothers, Dumb and Dumber)
*Get confused by people using body language to communicate with them....
for example, they may not realize that someone is turning away from them because they don't want to be spoken to, anymore.
*Be extremely worried about social justice issues, inequity, or the feelings of animals,
to a point that they want to be a vegetarian, an activist, or an ally to a disenfranchised group. 🦥🦧🐘
*Struggle with schoolwork that requires her to ONLY pay attention to the most relevant information.
It all seems relevant and connected because she is a bottom-up processor!
*Have a lot of join injuries like subluxations, dislocations, and twisted/rolled ankles.
This is due to Hypermobility. 🤕
*Seem like an introvert most of the time, but an extrovert when it comes to her hobbies and special interests
*Have a lot of control issues around food.
It might really be about texture or smell, but their "picky eating" might present more as an e.d. or a sudden desire to be vegan, Paleo, or vegetarian. This gives her total control over her own meals. 🧀🍞
*Speak like a small adult, using phrases and words that are old fashioned or unusual coming from a child
*Daydream frequently 😌
*Have a lot of generalized AND social anxiety.
*Struggle to be flexible once plans/decisions are made. Changing plans in any way is avoided! 😵💫
*Have very sudden, intense, and possessive friendships when she IS able to make a friend
*Sit in the back, off to the side, to avoid social interactions 🫣
*MASK stimming with something socially acceptable like
crochet, making friendship bracelets, drawing portraits, calligraphy, sewing, making items for sale, or reciting long poems.
*Be terrified of group work, at school
*Find flexible, improvised make believe play to be confusing/frusterating....
and want to act out scripted or ritualized play scenarios, over and over, instead.
This might lead them to an interest in theatre. 🎭
*Repeat jokes they don't understand as a way to fit in, not realizing the joke was originally made at THEIR expense
*Follow rules to the letter, even when it is clear to others that the rule is a guideline 📝
*Need a lot of downtime in their own space after social activities, as though they are drained and need to recharge
*Have a deep interest in PEOPLE, they express by studying psychology, sociology, medicine, Anthropology, art history, or a similar field.
*Find peer social interactions confusing...
and prefer to spend time alone, or with a parapro, cafeteria lady, or teacher
*Have really deep relationships with imaginary friends, or at least a really RICH fantasy life. 🫅🧜♀️🕵🧞♂️
*Spend a lot of time in places like libraries and museums,
where lighting and noise are at predictable levels, and talking about special interests is encouraged
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Do you know anyone who sounds a lot like this list?
Do they suspect they are Autistic?
