Fownes Coaching

11/27/2024

If you'd like to set up a free consult, please contact me through Email or Messenger ❤

11/27/2024

Staying emotionally connected to our kids through struggles and difficult challenges is a key cornerstone of a positive parenting mindset.
Often it means working through our own fears and beliefs about things “should be,” which is tough if we see our kids floundering or failing.
So, what does connection look like in your relationship with your kid(s)?
It can feel different for each relationship.
With one child it may feel effortless; with another it can feel like a mess.
Feeling emotionally disconnected can trigger disappointment, resentment, frustration—which feels terrible!
The good news?
We can choose to feel connected to our kids.
How we think, feel and behave is always within our power.
The first step is to notice when fear, worry and anxiety cause us to control, fix and “manage” them.
These behaviors lead to conflict, avoidance and resistance.
Practicing replacing fear and worry with wisdom and trust is the first step.
It’s simple, but not easy.❣️

01/19/2024

How many times have you felt elated when your teen seemed to be “back on track”? Only to sink to an emotional low when the forward momentum stalls and/or they appear to go backwards?

This is the zig-zag path we experience with kids struggling with anxiety, depression, school avoidance and other difficult behaviors.

We may fall apart when they fall apart because it's so hard to feel that disappointment again. And that's okay, as long as we rise back up and choose to believe that this is all part of the process.

We choose strength, courage and faith. We shine our Light.

Our kids need us to be a Lighthouse. The stable, wise, positive ally to guide them when they're in the dark.

They will eventually find the same strength, courage and hope to get through a challenging journey, to ultimately arrive at their unique, beautiful place in the world.❤

01/05/2024

School Avoidance is driven by intense social anxiety, fueled by self-hatred and other emotions. You can’t motivate someone to get to school when they are consumed by these feelings.

WE make it worse for them with our own anxiety and pressure etc. This only intensifies the negative emotions that are driving them. It will take longer for them to get there.

But as we change with acceptance, letting go and belief in our kid no matter what we give them the space and emotional support to work through their internal issues themselves. And the timing is out of our hands. That’s part of the process of letting go, gaining the strength and resilience to endure potentially weeks and months of school avoidance.

But in the end, your child will have found their way, using their resilience, insight, self-love and determination. WE can’t give that to them. They must find it for themselves. ♥

04/19/2023

04/17/2023

In 2016 I was drowning in worry about my daughter’s school refusal, rooted in her deep anxiety; I was also frequently triggered by her difficult behavior and would often react by lashing out and saying things I later felt deep guilt and remorse about.

One night while ruminating on how frustrated, sad and hopeless I felt, I had an inspired thought that changed the entire course of my parenting:
“What if she is my greatest spiritual teacher?”

As parents we’re convinced that it’s our job to be the teacher, guide, and motivator of our kids. And when they’re avoiding school, failing classes, being rude and basically ignoring our “rule book,” we double down on nagging, scolding, lecturing, controlling.
But what if the opposite is true? What if our kids are here to teach and guide US? What if they shine a light on the parts of us that are rigid, immature, frightened and full of self-doubt?
Each new generation brings new ways of being, thinking and feeling; yet we try to impose our thinking on them instead of learning from them.
I decided to view parenting as a spiritual path—one meant to help me grow into the highest version of myself. This philosophy took my focus off her, and onto ME. It gave me insight into how much I was part of the problem, not the solution.
“What am I supposed to learn from this? How can I develop more wisdom, trust, patience, acceptance?” "How can believe in my kids more deeply--understanding how strong and smart they are?"
These are questions that continue to serve me on my spiritual path of parenting.❤

04/14/2023

We often talk about "downward spirals". When it seems like everything is working against us: people, life, ourselves, our kids. We sink into sadness, depression or hopelessness.
But, I like to focus on the "upward spiral." The alternate path that leads us up and out of stuck, negative patterns rooted in fear, anxiety, self-pity, and hopelessness. The upward spiral begins when you commit to emotional growth and deep personal transformation. Unlike the gloom and fog of the downward spiral, the upward spiral leads into light, clarity and wisdom. Anything is possible when you're committed to personal change. ❤

04/13/2023

04/11/2023

Let your inner flame lead you to your highest growth as a powerful, wise parent to your kids. They are your greatest spiritual teacher and will help you burn away old, stuck conditioning that only leads to more blame, shame, guilt and anxiety. Choose to do what it takes to develop your acceptance, patience, self-love and wisdom and watch as the relationship with your kids transforms. ❤