02/27/2026
Even after 3 years free from the grip that my addiction held on me, a curve ball of pain has brought my intrusive thoughts back to me.
1- Being a single mother is not for the weak!
2' Being a single mother of 2 with c-ptsd, ya better buckle up for this ride or u might not make it.
A little history for context....
We ran from the abusive relationship I had been in for 10 years in June of 2021. Judge approved for a 10 year restraining order if that tells you how bad things where for us. Its hard to even get a temporary restraining order let alone a 2 year or 4 year. 10 years are given to those who go through extremely traumatic s**t....
Well my kids have been able to come to me about most things. I thought with everything I have heard from them I didn't think anything else could hurt me or devistate me more then the year 2020 had done. But once again I was wrong....
This pain is awful for me because I know the suffering I have had to watch both of them undergo. So many nights I would lay in bed with tears falling down my cheeks as I prayed for GOD to take away my children's pain. Well I snapped and got sick of the fighting that goes on and I told them we are not leaving my room until I fully understand why!
I am glad I did for my children's sake because not only do I see & feel the weight that has been lifted from their spirits and in our home.
Im struggling with processing the information I was given. I keep feeling like this is a bad dream that I can't wake up from. I DONT want to feel how I do towards myself because I am so angry with me that I didn't know better when my gut told me the truth all along.
But when you are made to feel crazy for 10 years, not believing that anymore is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT! I just dont want to feel this way anymore.
Once again a date I will NEVER forget. Once again I feel like my world has been flipped upside-down. Once again my faith is shaken! Once again I am reminded that my demons never left me, they have been waiting for me to return....
I will stay strong because my kids need me to be present at all days for every single day until GOD calls me home because never again will my kids have hold such awful things alone because they are too afraid I will relapse from the truth. I do not ever want to feel that again so I AM FIGHTING WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE TO NOT GO BACK TO OLD HABITS!
Being a single mama of kids who have survived abuse, I am here if u ever need to talk! I will totally understand the things others can't. I really could use a mom friend that understands.
Thank you for giving me space to share that i am only human!
