Magnolia Counseling Associates, Madison, MS, PLLC

10/24/2024

10/11/2024

Kids aren’t your husband or life partner; they’ll have their own life and eventually their own partner.

As parents, it’s easy to feel as though we are the center of their world, but that’s only true for a small window of time. Our role is to nurture them, guide them, and equip them to face the world, but never to hold them back from spreading their wings.

As they grow, we must remember that the foundation we lay for them is meant to give them strength, not chains. They will form their own dreams, passions, and relationships that will shape the course of their lives.

And while we are there to support and love them unconditionally, they are not ours to possess or control.

It's important to let them experience life on their terms, even if it means stepping back when we'd prefer to hold on tighter.

One of the hardest lessons in parenting is learning to let go. It’s an act of trust and faith — faith in the upbringing we’ve given them and trust in their ability to navigate their journey.

Our children aren’t meant to fill the voids in our lives or compensate for unmet expectations we may have. They are unique souls on their own path, and our job is to walk alongside them for as long as they need us, not to walk in front of them or carry them.

We also must realize that, in a way, children reflect what we show them in our relationships. If we pour everything into them at the expense of nurturing our partnership with our spouse, they may grow up with a distorted view of what love and commitment look like.

By maintaining a loving and supportive relationship with our life partner, we demonstrate the value of partnership and the balance between familial bonds and romantic ones.

The relationship we have with our children will evolve over time, shifting from one of dependency to one of mutual respect and admiration.

They will move forward, forging their own paths, and one day, they may become the parents in the same role we are in now. The cycle continues, and it's essential to accept that this natural progression is part of life's beauty.

It's vital to prepare ourselves emotionally for that day when their primary attachment will no longer be us, but someone else. It doesn’t mean we lose them; it just means their circle of love expands, and we need to make space for others in their lives.

Being able to celebrate their growth, their partnerships, and their future families is a testament to the love and trust we’ve nurtured over the years.

As parents, we may find ourselves adjusting to an emptier house or less frequent calls, but that doesn’t diminish our role in their lives. The bond between parent and child is timeless, and no amount of physical or emotional distance can break that.

What we must aim for is a relationship built on mutual respect, where they feel empowered to come to us when they need guidance, not out of obligation or guilt, but out of love and trust.

In our role as life partners, it’s essential to maintain the connection with our spouse. When the children leave, we are left with the person we chose to build a life with, and that relationship deserves as much care and attention as any other.

It's crucial not to lose sight of this bond during the busy years of parenting, for it's the love between partners that will carry us through all phases of life, even when the children are no longer in our care.

Parenthood is a journey of giving — we give our love, time, and effort to raise the next generation, but we must also take care of ourselves and our own relationship.

As the kids grow and go, we need to remain grounded in our connection with our spouse, ensuring that this relationship stands strong as the central pillar of our family.

The greatest gift we can give our children is the example of a healthy, loving relationship between their parents.

This allows them to form their own strong bonds in life, knowing that love, independence, and mutual respect can coexist.

Our kids aren’t our life partners, but through our example, they learn what it means to build meaningful, lasting relationships of their own.

- Abhikesh

11/29/2023

We place too much emphasis on children to listen and be obedient. 👇

While it's natural to want children to be respectful, the more important consideration is to ask what we model for them when they don’t comply.

As James Baldwin says so powerfully, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”

When we relate to children in controlling, shaming, and exasperating ways, can we really be that surprised when they also respond to us with disrespect?

What we model is so much more important than the compliance we expect.

So, what is a 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙’𝙨 𝙟𝙤𝙗?

Psychologist and selling author Dr. Becky Kennedy says a child’s primary job is:

👉 To explore and express their feelings.

A 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩’𝙨 𝙟𝙤𝙗, Dr. Becky says, is to:

· Set boundaries

· Validate their child’s feelings

· Empathize

Children and parents have very different developmental capacities and therefore they need to have vastly different responsibilities.

Notice the job description of a child is not to be compliant, silent, charming, or a positive reflection of their parents.

A 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙’𝙨 𝙟𝙤𝙗 is to explore the world around them and express their feelings.

To develop a healthy relationship with desire, a child needs to have those in authority encourage them to explore their longings and impulses rather than contain them.

When children make a mistake, they need parents and educators who are strong enough to hold and be respectful to their big emotions.

𝐊𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲: Don’t expect children to listen well, but do anticipate them to imitate the quality of our responsiveness.

10/04/2023