The Center for Hope and Healing at Broadmoor

11/06/2025

Holidays can be hard - especially if the holiday looks different from what you had planned because of a death or divorce. You are not alone. Join us for a special dinner and program where you will be surrounded by people who understand what you are going through. Find tips to help you navigate the season. Laugh a little. Cry a little. Leave encouraged. www.broadmoor.org/survivingholidays

11/05/2025

When Suffering Comes
by Mary Beth Swayze, LPC

When things don’t go according to our desires, sometimes the question isn’t, “Why didn’t God let me have what I wanted?” but, rather, “How could God have allowed what He did?” This is a scary question, indeed. How could the God who “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” allow the wounds to take place in the first place (Ps. 147:3)? I wish I had an easy answer for this question, but I don’t. However, I do know that these thoughts and questions are scary for Christians to have about a holy, just, all-powerful God, and they are very, very normal for Christians to have. Not “but they are normal” – “and they are normal.” So much of life is an “and,” not a “but.” God is a good, merciful God, and life is devastatingly hard (Ps. 136, Ps. 88).

Answering the question of “Why does a good God allow suffering?” is far beyond the scope of this blog post, and we are not left without a guideline of how to live and prosper and find peace even without that question being answered in the present moment.

The Bible is rife with suffering – from losing a child, to losing a home, to feeling deserted by God Himself, to siege, to famine, to sickness. There is no shortage of hardships to be found in the Bible as perfectly encapsulated in Psalm 88 which is the only Psalm which decidedly does not end in an uplifting remembrance of the goodness of God; it ends in darkness. AND. The Bible contains a plethora of examples of God’s goodness, His undeserved mercy and grace (one of which being the fact that there is any grace or mercy after humans sinned and broke covenant with the Lord). Just as there is Psalm 88, there is always Psalm 89 which begins by praising the Lord.

So often, Christians feel that in order to be “good” Christians, they need to bear their suffering as if it doesn’t affect them – point to the goodness of God, get yourself together, and move on. Though being strong in times of crisis is a good thing, part of true strength is acknowledging reality; ignoring reality is dangerous and has drastic consequences – both seen and not. The Lord calls us to “weep with those who weep” – this means that we are allowed to weep in times of suffering. The Lord didn’t create us as robots – we are flesh and blood with a whole, wonderfully useful range of emotions. Jesus himself grieved his friend Lazarus (John 11:35), was so anxious he sweat blood in the Garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:44), questioned the Lord as to why he had deserted Him (Mark 15:34), and became incensed by the treachery in the temple (Luke 19:45). He shows us how to grieve and how to endure suffering – who are we to call ourselves weak for weeping when the Lord incarnate modeled it for us?

When life does not go according to our desires, wishes, and plan, we are to do three things as set out by Scripture: be truthful, praise the Lord, give ourselves grace. This is not a step-by-step process but, rather, a constant exercise of all three at once. In the second part of this blog, I will explain each of these steps in further detail in Part 2 and provide Biblical examples of each.

Key concepts:

1. It is normal to question why something happens.

2. God is good, and life is hard. Both are true simultaneously.

3. Be truthful; praise God; and have grace with yourself in the face of suffering.

If you are walking through a season of suffering and need some guidance or assistance along the way, please reach out to us at 601-898-4947 or visit us at www.chhms.org for more information.

10/26/2025

Watch Pastor Josh and CHH counselor, Mae Wright discuss a painful, yet hopeful view of addiction here:

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

10/23/2025

Relapse - it is a common frustration in recovery, both for those struggling to stay sober and for the families and friends supporting them. However, sometimes relapse happens, and it doesn't always mean failure in the long run. This blog, by Mae Wright, offers a new perspective on the issue of relapse.

Rethinking Relapse

Relapse is not a failure; it’s part of the recovery process.

I repeat: relapse is not a failure—it’s part of the recovery process.

If you’re thinking, “Um, okay Mae. Sure thing," I hear you. I’ve been in your shoes. As someone in recovery, and as a person who has seen family members and friends suffer from addiction, I understand your concern.

C.S. Lewis once said, “Experience is a brutal teacher.” I believe relapse can be that kind of teacher—a guidepost, a signal, a check-engine light if you will.

What if we viewed relapse as a gentle nudge to re-examine a few things? Maybe it’s a small veer off the path, a missed step, or an emotion that went unchecked until it demanded to be numbed. What if relapse is a sign that a stronger, deeper recovery is just ahead—if we can meet it with compassion and action?

When I offer compassion and openness to relapse, I start to extinguish the fire of failure rather than fueling it with shame.

For Families Watching a Loved One Relapse

For those with a loved one in recovery, even imagining relapse can feel like a gut punch. You want your loved one to heal, get better, and stay sober—forever.

But addiction is a chronic, lifelong disease that requires ongoing care and attention. Families often learn this too, though knowing it doesn’t make it hurt any less when relapse happens.

So what now? How can relapse become a lesson in grace and forgiveness, rather than a setback?

Facing Two Choices

As a therapist and person in recovery, I see two main paths:

We can talk about relapse with open hearts and minds, seeing it as an opportunity to learn.

Or we can label it a failure and sweep it under the rug.

While I’m firmly on Team Option One, I know I wasn’t always there. I’ve had relapses that left me convinced I was—and always would be—a failure.

But the truth is: addiction thrives in shame and secrecy.
Recovery, on the other hand, becomes stronger when we practice honesty, openness, and willingness—especially when our loved ones and families learn to support us along the way.

Building New Muscles of Recovery

Doing things differently—or even seeing things differently—can feel completely foreign at first. But as I often remind clients:

“What’s foreign at first is just a muscle you haven’t strengthened yet.”

We learn new ways of living by doing them. Those first steps might feel sore and uncomfortable, but over time, we realize how strong we’ve become.

We’re also stronger together. When we walk toward love, forgiveness, and accountability, we become more capable of facing the dark and trusting that light is still waiting on the other side.

When Everyone Feels Powerless

Families may not always know the “right” thing to do—and sometimes even one step forward feels like a mountain climb. That sense of powerlessness can be overwhelming.

Here’s the thing: your loved one probably feels powerless too.

You might be thinking, “Oh great, Mae’s saying we’re both powerless—how inspiring!” I get the eye roll. But there’s actually beauty in recognizing our limits.

When we admit we don’t have all the answers, we open ourselves to reach out for help. We begin seeking guidance from others who have walked the same road.

This is where support groups like AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and Al-Anon can make a real difference. They create a sense of community—not just for those struggling with addiction, but also for the families who love them.

The Shared Journey of Healing

It’s no secret that families suffer alongside their loved ones battling addiction. Everyone becomes consumed with worry and hope, praying that maybe, one day, things will change.

The chaos and isolation can feel endless. But healing is possible. No one is too far gone—and no one has had “too many” relapses to find recovery.

Relapse is one of the hardest experiences to endure, yet it can also hold our most powerful lessons. Our greatest strengths often rise from the stories we once wanted to erase.

If we know that judgment from others harms our healing, then we must also recognize how self-judgment can be just as destructive—if not worse.

So, let’s aim for kindness and love, the same way we’d treat a friend. Remember: recovery is possible for every person and every family. We all need compassion, especially in our darkest, most shame-filled moments.

Thankfully, help is always within reach—if we’re willing to reach for it.

Need Support? You’re Not Alone

If you or someone you love is navigating addiction or recovery, you don’t have to do it alone.

Reach out to CHH and get connected with Mae Wright, LMSW:
🌐 Book a session

📞 Call the office at 601-898-4947

10/20/2025

Addiction - sometimes the hardest part is just asking for help. In today's blog, Mae Wright offers great insight into the process, along with a very helpful list of resources for those getting started. Whether for you or a loved one, this blog will help you on your journey!

The First Step: Asking for Help
By Mae Wright, LMSW, Staff Counselor

1. Facing the Hardest Step

This past week, as I was typing out a list of resources and books I know and love for families and individuals struggling with addiction, I kept thinking about one truth that remains the same for families and addiction:

When you’re lost in addiction (whether as an individual or family), you either stick to what you know (even if it’s not helpful), wander around with no direction (hoping to find someone who has some sense of it), or just sit down, throw your hands up, and admit complete and total defeat—which may be finally asking for help.

Don’t worry—those resources I mentioned will be at the end of this post, so keep reading.

2. The Fear of Asking for Help

Asking for help. Admitting you don’t have all the answers. Hopelessness. Powerlessness. Allowing others to see you. Opening yourself or your family up to criticism and judgment from those who haven’t walked this path or just don’t understand. Lack of control. Fear.

You may read these things and think, “Yeah, that’s a hard pass.”

But I urge you to consider another way of thinking.

These are all thoughts that might cross someone’s mind when they start to contemplate asking for help. Ultimately, it’s the brain’s way of protecting itself from pain—without realizing that so much good can come from that first step.

Sure, it may be painful, horrible, uncomfortable, and feel like the most vulnerable thing you’ve ever done at first—but taking that chance can yield life-changing and deeply meaningful results.

3. Remembering the Shame

I can still feel, quite literally in my bones, the shame that comes from struggling with addiction. It’s one thing for me to sit here at my desk typing this out; it’s another to live it, breathe it, and suffer it. I know.

I picture a white-flag moment—exhausted, winded, unsure how to carry on. Everything hurts. I fear not only the pain that comes from asking for help but also the immediate consequences that might follow.

I can’t yet see the other side because I can’t trust that there’s light there. But there is. It’s always been there.

Addiction thrives and feeds off isolation and shame. The antidote? Asking someone else to help you find that light—and refusing to do it alone.

4. The Voice of Recovery

Recovery is in all of us—yes, even you—but being willing to listen to that inner voice is another story.

In full transparency, I often start with only 30% of myself believing I can do it. My addiction voice can take the driver’s seat faster than I realize, so I have to lean into and strengthen my recovery voice.

Over time, that voice becomes the only one I hear—but I know that if I don’t keep it strong, I may forget how heavy those ten-thousand-pound weights felt in early recovery.

When we contemplate change or consider asking for help, that addiction voice is so loud—megaphone loud—scratching at the soul. The beauty is that change is possible, and recovery can be yours.

I often tell clients: if the door is open even a tiny crack, that counts. The voice that says it’s tired of hurting, that the numbing doesn’t work anymore—that’s the voice worth listening to. It’s begging for something different. You just need to listen, even if it’s just 30%.

5. Helpful Addiction Recovery Resources

Need some resources or good reading to guide your next steps? Here are the addiction recovery tools and books mentioned earlier, along with how each may help:

Crisis & Helpline

MS Department of Mental Health Helpline
📞 1-877-210-8513
Connects individuals with mental health supports and services throughout Mississippi.

12-Step Support Groups

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
A 12-step fellowship for those who want to stop drinking.

Find meetings: www.aa-mississippi.org

Learn more: www.aa.org

Explore the 12 steps online: www.takethe12.org

Al-Anon
Support group for family members of those struggling with addiction.

Find meetings: www.al-anon.org

Narcotics Anonymous (NA)
A 12-step fellowship for those struggling with substance use.

Find meetings: www.mrscna.net

Learn more: www.na.org

Books for Recovery and Family Healing

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families
Insightful guidance for those raised in families affected by alcoholism or dysfunction.

More info: www.adultchildren.org

Breathing Underwater: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps by Richard Rohr
A spiritual look at how the 12 Steps of AA align with the teachings of Jesus.

Twenty-Four Hours a Day by Richmond Walker
Daily meditations to inspire and sustain recovery—one day at a time.

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
Helps individuals recognize codependent behaviors and focus on self-care.

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Daily reflections on boundaries, healing, and self-trust.

It Takes a Family: A Cooperative Approach to Lasting Sobriety by Debra Jay
Explores “Structured Family Recovery,” helping families heal and grow together.

Beyond Addiction: A Guide for Families by Jeffrey Foote, PhD; Carrie Wilkens, PhD; and Nicole Kosanke, PhD
Evidence-based tools for families using compassion, communication, and science-backed strategies.

Addict in the Family by Beverly Conyers
A concise, practical guide for families learning to promote recovery and change.

Final Thoughts

If you’re standing at the crossroads of asking for help—know that you’re not alone. That small part of you that wants something different? It’s enough to begin. Recovery starts with one step: asking.

So, what's your next step?

If this message resonates with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it today—or take that step yourself and reach out for help. Healing begins the moment you stop walking alone. You can call us at 601-898-4947 or go to www.chhms.org for more information.

10/15/2025

Earlier in the week, you heard from Leslie Armstrong about helping your little children navigate their big emotions. In this blog, she offers valuable insights into walking with your teen. If she or anyone on our CHH staff can help, please reach out to us at 601-898-4947 or visit us at www.chhms.org for more information.

“You’re a Teenager—What Do You Have to Worry About?”
Understanding the Hidden Struggles Teens Face

A popular phrase parents often say is, “You’re a teenager—what do you have to worry about?”

As parents, we juggle daily challenges — work, finances, household responsibilities, health issues, and managing our children’s busy extracurricular schedules. It’s easy to assume that our teenagers have it easier. But the truth is, they’re facing their own battles — many of which we can’t see.

During the teenage years, young men and women experience significant physical, emotional, and hormonal changes. They’re discovering their beliefs, shaping their identity, and learning where they fit in the world. They’re balancing school, activities, friendships, and family — all while trying to make sense of who they are becoming.

The Pressure They Feel

With all these changes, it’s not surprising that anxiety and depression can begin to surface. Teens often start comparing themselves to others — in terms of how they look, what they have, or what they’ve achieved. They crave independence and want to make their own decisions, yet lack the experience and resources to navigate the complexities that come with that freedom.

Many begin to feel misunderstood by their parents, believing that “Mom and Dad just don’t get it.” Academic pressure also ramps up as college and adult life begin to loom on the horizon. On top of that, they start analyzing every part of their bodies, creating an invisible checklist of what they wish they could change.

Warning Signs to Watch For

How can you tell if your teenager may be struggling with anxiety or depression? Here are some common warning signs:
• Withdrawing from friends and family
• Frequent complaints of headaches or stomachaches
• Difficulty sleeping or changes in sleep patterns
• Becoming easily agitated or irritable
• Saying things like, “I can’t do this anymore” or “I wish I could disappear”
• Falling grades or loss of motivation
• Avoiding activities they once enjoyed

Every teenager experiences ups and downs, but when these symptoms persist or worsen over time, it could be a sign of depression or anxiety.

How to Support Your Teen

Don’t be afraid to talk with your teen about mental health. Open the conversation with love and curiosity, not judgment. Listen more than you speak. Let them know it’s okay to struggle — and that asking for help shows strength, not weakness.
If you’re concerned, reach out to a trusted mental health professional. A counselor can help assess what your teen is going through and create a plan to support both them and your family.

A Final Word

Parenting a teenager isn’t easy, and neither is being one. The best gift we can give our teens is understanding — a reminder that they’re not alone in their feelings, and that help is always within reach.

Call to Action

If your teenager is showing signs of anxiety or depression, don’t wait for things to get worse. Reach out to a mental health professional, school counselor, or youth pastor for support. Early help can make all the difference in your teen’s life — and in your family’s journey toward healing and hope.

10/14/2025

Mental Health and our spiritual life - are they connected? Listen to Broadmoor’s After the Message to find out more!

Sign up for Serve Weekend: broadmoor.org/serveweekend

10/14/2025

Little ones often have big emotions! Today, Leslie Armstrong provides tips on helping your children navigate their feelings. If you need a little extra help in this area, don't hesitate to reach out at 601-898-4947 or visit www.chhms.org for more information!

When Your Child’s Feelings Are Too Big for Words:
Helping Kids Understand and Express Their Emotions

Today, my son came to me eager to explain every detail of a Power Rangers episode he had just watched. He passionately described the villains’ plan to overthrow the mighty Power Rangers and why the Red Ranger is his absolute favorite. He could recall every twist and turn of the plot without missing a beat.

But when it comes to explaining how he feels, the words don’t come as easily.

This is something I see often — both at home and in my work with children. Kids know they’re experiencing a “big feeling,” but they often can’t name it. Feelings like anxiety, sadness, or anger can blend together, and since they can’t always identify what they’re feeling, they express them in similar ways. You might see this through tears, irritability, lashing out, trouble sleeping, or even complaints of stomachaches and headaches.

As parents, that can leave us feeling helpless. We want so badly to help our children process what they’re going through — but where do we start?

Step 1: Help Them Understand Their Feelings

When I meet with young children for the first time, we often begin with a simple picture book about emotions. This helps me gauge what feelings they already recognize and gives them language to describe what’s happening inside. You can do the same at home — read books about emotions together, ask questions, and give examples of times they may have felt happy, scared, frustrated, or proud.

Step 2: Teach Them It’s Okay to Feel

Children also need reassurance that all feelings are normal — even the uncomfortable ones. Everyone feels sad, angry, or frustrated sometimes. What matters is how we express those emotions.

One helpful strategy is modeling calm and respectful communication. Use “I” statements like, “I feel frustrated when…” instead of blaming or attacking language. This shows them how to talk about their feelings without hurting others.

Step 3: Remember — You’re Not Alone

Helping our children navigate big feelings is one of the hardest parts of parenting. There’s no one-size-fits-all guide because every child is beautifully unique. If you ever feel stuck, remember — you’re not alone. Reach out for support, whether that’s a counselor, teacher, or another trusted professional. Sometimes, having a little help can make a big difference for both you and your child.

A Final Thought
Parenting isn’t about getting it perfect — it’s about showing up, listening, and helping our kids make sense of what’s going on inside. The more we guide them in understanding their emotions, the better equipped they will be for a lifetime of healthy emotional growth.

10/13/2025

How can journaling help you navigate your current life situation or work through past event that may still be impacting you? In this blog, Tyler Slay provides a valuable journaling resource to help you get started with using this tool. If you would like to meet with Tyler, or any of our CHH counselors, please reach out at 601-898-4947 or www.chhms.org for more help!

A Journaling Guide to Better Understand Your Story and Grow Spiritually

In his book, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, Eugene Peterson tells this story about a brief conversation he had with a woman on one of his pastoral visits: “As I entered a home to make a pastoral visit, the person I came to see was sitting at a window embroidering a piece of cloth held taut on an oval hoop. She said, ‘Pastor, while waiting for you to come I realized what’s wrong with me—I don’t have a frame. My feelings, my thoughts, my activities—everything is loose and sloppy. There is no border to my life. I never know where I am. I need a frame for my life like this one I have for my embroidery.’”

I have come back to this profound little statement over and over because it has resonated with me so deeply. I’ve seen that what so many of us long for is a more defined frame for our lives – both our internal lives and our external lives. We desire to be a little less sloppy and a lot more purpose-driven, but we don’t know where to start on that journey. There is no such thing as perfection and there is no cure for being human, but there is work that can be done to better understand yourself and become more fully alive as a follower of Jesus.

If you are looking for a resource you can work through that will help you begin the process of going back into your story in order to go forward as a person and as a Christian, I have developed this journaling guide for you. What I have written below is intended to help you better understand your story and consider how God is working in your life.

Below, you’ll see headings describing six domains that I have found are critical to cover in a Christian counseling process. You will also see my attempt to concisely guide you on how to think about and write about each of these as you try to identify them in your own life.

1. Identify the Lie(s) You Struggle With on a Regular Basis.

What are you believing that is keeping you stuck?
Typically, there are two extremes: We're either trying to over-control aspects of our world that we can't truly control, or we are not stepping in and taking enough responsibility and leadership in what God has given us.

For example, on one side: "I’m functionally believing that God is not with me in this problem, and it’s up to me to fix it on my own." On the opposite side, many of our stuck points come from the belief: "There is no point in trying anymore because nothing ever seems to change."

The lies are normally more like half-truths than discrete lies, but they are lies nonetheless. Example: “God is with me in this problem, but it’s still my responsibility to figure it out and fix it on my own.”

What lies are you struggling with on a regular basis as it relates to your life, relationships, finances, future, spirituality, work, past, etc.?

2. Name What’s True in Response to Those Lies Logically and Scripturally

When these stuck points come up in your life, how are you responding to them with truth?

An example of naming what’s logically true: “My efforts to find peace through perfectionism and achievement haven’t produced the contentment and close relationships I long for in my life.”
In addition to logically naming what’s true, we must bring in what is true beyond our tiny ability to control outcomes. A great example is to bring to mind and spend time pondering Matthew 6:26: “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?”

What’s true logically and scripturally in response to the lies you are struggling with? Where have you left God’s provision and ability to change hearts and minds out of the equation? Where has God provided for you throughout this struggle but you’ve missed reflecting on it due to fear and anxiety about the next thing?

3. Behaviorally Align Yourself with What’s True Via Repentance and a Rule of Life

A therapist talking about repentance? Even to me, that seems kind of out of place compared to the venues where I’m used to hearing that word. I love this clarification on the word from Eugene Peterson:
“Repentance is not an emotion. It is not feeling sorry for your sins. It is a decision. It is deciding that you have been wrong in supposing that you could manage your own life and be your own god; it is deciding that you were wrong in thinking that you had, or could get, the strength, education and training to make it on your own; it is deciding that you have been told a pack of lies about yourself and your neighbors and your world. And it is deciding that God in Jesus Christ is telling you the truth. Repentance is a realization that what God wants from you and what you want from God are not going to be achieved by doing the same old things, thinking the same old thoughts.”
I think it’s helpful here to actually write down what we are letting go of. Example: “I’m letting go of thinking that I can control my own destiny and provide my own joy via wealth and accomplishment.” Or: “I’m letting go of being afraid to be vulnerable in my marriage.”

If repentance involves more than just feeling guilty, then how do we decide to make this turn in an actionable way? We can do this via a rule of life. A rule of life is simply a structure for how you are going to live intentionally into what’s true. In its simplest form, you write down your daily, weekly, and yearly rhythms for prayer, relationships, leisure, and work. I recommend writing down the minimum rather than your highest aspirations.

For example, your commitments could be: Prayer: Pray and journal through Philippians 4:6–9 every day. Relationships: At least biweekly meetings with a group of people who take Christlikeness seriously. Leisure: Intentionally set aside time and resources to celebrate milestones and accomplishments, and commit to a certain amount of time completely away from work each year. Work: Set ambitious goals, but keep those within the boundaries of the previous three commitments.

This list could certainly expand. What about generosity, justice, service, study, and other spiritual disciplines? The point is this: even taking the time to intentionally define and commit to the four categories that we listed above would put you on a trajectory to live in a way that is governed by something bigger than your daily desires and anxieties. You don’t simply accidentally drift into a life well lived. Neither do you perfectly design and control your life to make yourself happy. Peace, we learn Biblically, comes only through a life of trusting obedience (John 13:17, Phil 4:9).

What sins and lies do you need to turn away from via repentance? What is your rule of life as it relates to prayer, relationships, leisure, and work?

4. Grieve the Wounds That Have Amplified Those Lies That Are in Your Mind and Body Via Lament and Forgiveness.

We Christians often ignore our pasts and our emotions out of some misinformed sense of spiritual duty. This is not the example we have in David, Jesus, or Paul. They hold the tension of emotional honesty without deconstruction of their faith. My friend Andrew Magers puts the necessity of lament like this in his book On Grief and Gratitude: “Because God is the creator of life, we honor him by lamenting when the goodness of God is denied in loss.” We honor God by longing and working for the restoration of all things, but that can only be done by naming and grieving what’s broken.

We also forget that Jesus talked frequently about the absolute necessity of forgiveness—we don't grieve just to blame the person(s) who wronged us. We grieve in order to communicate with God that we need his help moving on without bitterness towards Him and others. I don’t have space for a more full treatment of this step, but the basics are that there are two layers of forgiveness: the decision to forgive and then the working out of the emotions. To forgive, you must name pain. To name pain, you must face it and feel it. The decision to forgive is a choice that you can make, but it takes the emotions longer to catch up. Catholic writer Ronald Rolheiser puts the necessity of processing our wounds and working out forgiveness like this: “Whatever we don’t transform, we will transmit.”

What pain from your story are you transmitting to yourself and those you love because you haven’t named it and begun the process of grieving it? Who do you need to forgive who has intentionally or unintentionally harmed you?

5. Recognize and Own Your Unique Calling, Gifting, and Limitations

“God made you to reflect, in some unique way, a particular facet of his glory and his love out into the world. And when you are in Christ and in-dwelt by the spirit, you do that more and more. You become more uniquely yourself. Evil, despite what the media tells you, makes you boring. It shuts you in, makes you a clone of all sorts of other people who are doing much the same tedious sort of stuff. When you are seized by Christ and indwelt by the spirit, he will make you more truly yourself.” - N.T. Wright

If you’ll comb through your story, you’ll start to see a few important things clearly. You’ll see where people have routinely complimented and blessed some of your abilities. Is it possible that some wounds and insecurities have stopped you from being able to accept and step into some of the ways you’ve been blessed and praised? You’ll also see some giftings that cause you to come alive when you use them—some way that you relate to people and to the world that meets a need in the world and inside of you simultaneously. You must search diligently and curiously for this gift. It might not be found in a college catalog or job description.

Finally, you’ll see ways that you’ve tried to fit yourself into roles that have torn you down. Not all stress is bad stress, but some roles, jobs, relationships, and situations just don’t fit us or serve the rule of life that we are trying to live into. We can be a hero in one part of our lives in a way that causes us to totally fail in another important arena of our lives. The people that you love being around are often very aware of their limitations and know how to say no to what they are not called to and how to give their full yes to some place of need and pain in the world that they are called to.

What qualities and abilities have others blessed and praised in you that you haven’t reflected on or haven’t been able to accept? Is there anything you’ve ever done where you came alive and met someone else’s need simultaneously? What are some limitations, things you need to say no to or begin moving away from, that you need to name and admit?

6. Putting it All Together: Pray at The Edges of God’s Grace and Your Effort

The Bible is full of instances where our effort and God’s grace are not mutually exclusive; instead, we are commanded to take hold of both at once.

“Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.” Colossians 1:28–29 ESV

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” Philippians 2:12–13 ESV

This effort may be best demonstrated by the Serenity Prayer that has been made famous through Alcoholics Anonymous:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

What is God asking you to step into to try to change, and what is He asking you to let go of for Him to change?

The reality of counseling, journaling, or any kind of deepening of self-understanding is that we aren’t capable of doing much more than naming and taking small steps into issues that we need God to heal. Yes, we can learn to communicate with more skill, feel rather than repress, react in ways that scientifically reduce anxiety rather than making it worse, etc. I’m a huge proponent of evidence-based psychological science, but even the most skilled application of any science or healing method only works if God, the author of life and source of all good, does a work in each human heart. Pray earnestly that God would do the work of making you more like Jesus as you engage in any process of self-understanding and self-improvement, and you’ll find that frame and border for your thoughts, feelings, and activities that you’ve been longing for.