Tobi Granger LMHC

01/27/2026

Hi fb friends. I’m gathering feedback for a recreational peer discussion. Not for professional purposes. If you’re so inclined, do share your thoughts.

Hypothetically, if you were told the exact moment you would pass away. Let’s say, exactly one year from today, would you find it necessary to heal from your childhood wounds or past trauma before you would be able to enjoy your last year of life?

What if you were told you would pass away in exactly 5 years?Would you need to heal from your past before you could enjoy your last five years of life?

And, is your answer to the above the same as if it were 20 years, or 30 years, or 50 years?

01/09/2026

01/24/2023

So this question comes up often with my clients. “How do I kickstart into healing? What can I do right now to start to feel better?”
My answer is, “Make all decisions by answering four questions.
Is it good for my mental health? Is it good for my physical health?
Is it good for my intellectual health?
Is it good for my Financial health?”
It’s in the beginning stages of healing, while working on trauma, depression, anxiety, etc that we want to tool for immediate action. This is one of the tools I suggest. For example, making a decision about what to eat. Ask yourself, is this (insert food choice) good for my physical health? Is it good for my mental health? Is it good for my financial health? If they answer is no to any of these questions, find another choice. A proactive choice. Happy healing!

09/19/2022

Thoughts from the car:

One of the most common challenges I work on with my clients is “identity”. “Who am I?”. Depression, Anxiety, addiction, trauma, mental health anguish can strip away the “knowing” who we are, what our foundational grounding is, and where we identify. It is the torturously infamous human quest for grounding, assumed to be found in identifying identity. And the surrendering faith in the concept that if we know who we are, we will find peace, we will find the “happiness”, the “life”, the treasure box of goodness we are so eagerly searching for. It’s a common human challenge to find a definable identity. I have found that it is just this quest, the quest to define with parameters and boundaries and titles and specifics, that is part of the underlying causes of depression, anxiety and mental anguish. One of the gifts, one of the blessings, one of the fortunate perks of being human is that we can become, at any time, anything we want. We never have to live inside a cage or a box of an identity. We can absorb and morph and grow and blossom and explore limitless definable characteristics. Just because we were born in a certain place, just because we are born in a certain religion, just because we are born and grow in a certain society doesn’t mean we are trapped/caged into that. For example, I often hear in couples counseling, one spouse say to the other, “That’s not you. That’s not who you are! You are…”. Meaning, the accusatory spouse is uncomfortable with the transformation their partner is making. Or they would like their partner to stay inside the identity that they identify their partner to be or worse, who they feel their partner should be. Some individuals, some societies, have an expectation of control. Meaning, once we identify in a certain culture or certain religion or style, or social group, etc…that that is “who we are” and we are to stay within that identity. And if we stray, explore, widen our reach, then we are lost or fake or pretending. This in turn, traps the mind, traps the spirit and traps the spark which can lead down the toxic path to depression, rejection, self doubt, etc. I think the question should be not “I don’t know who I am? Or “who am I?” But rather “what is it I want to learn about?” And, “what do I want to blossom into?” And give ourselves and others the empowered freedom to change/morph/grow at any time. I think true identity, true self awareness is embracing the calm limitlessness of knowing we can grow and change at anytime we want to!

09/17/2022

Hello beautiful people! I have added 2 time slots on Mondays. One early morning and one early afternoon. I’d love to take on 2 more clients. ❤️

09/09/2022

“I’m getting comfortable with being happy!”- client (posted with permission)

Makes this therapist heart happy!

08/20/2022

Alpha Woman vs Angry Woman

A true alpha female is grounded in her abilities, confident in her energy, clear about her standing with herself and in society. So firmly rooted in her being that she knows she can handle, manage, and prosper from any challenge that crosses her path. She creates prosperity, fertilizes opportunities, embraces hurdles as if they are nuggets full of fuel, batteries of energy to learn and grow from. She knows where to spend her time in order to maximize prosperity and she actively moves forward transforming her visions into her reality. Irritants, wounded opposition, nay sayers are irrelevant like gnats, peasants to her purpose and she knows they are a waste of her minutes so therefore aren’t attended to. She is calm and non reactionary, rooted in goodness like a tree rooted firmly in the ground. She will sway with the storms, bend with flexibility and grow stronger as she heals from the passing challenge. A true alpha has no ability to see others as competition but rather she sees them as platforms necessary for growth and embraces their energy.

An angry woman, wounded and not healing, will hide behind their distortion of the definition of “alpha” and uses the distortion as an excuse for angry, vengeful, “take out the competition” mindset full of panicked toxicity. An angry woman will attempt to hurt or damage anyone she sees as an opponent, anyone she sees in her way to get what she wants. An angry woman will rely on taking out her competition because she doesn’t believe in her own skills, she doesn’t believe in her own attributes, she doesn’t believe she is good enough to create what she wants. So her success isn’t a result of her abilities but rather a result of taking out those that she feels are above her. A true alpha will see the opponent as valuable fuel to be built upon. An angry woman will act and behave dishonorably, feel compulsions to lie, manipulate, falsely claim she was wronged, and when her behavior isn’t successful, she will claim to be a victim of her opponent. An angry woman is either vengeful or victim, wasting time on what is behind her rather than spending her energy creating, envisioning, fertilizing her future.

Now is the time to heal, the time to grow, the time to let go of the past. Now is the time to o dream/create a prosperous future, embrace goodness, embrace forward movement and never look back!

08/17/2022

Posted with permission from a client who is prospering/healing/thriving gloriously post trauma.

“It’s been a year and a half. Most days I forget. Some days, some moments, I remember everything. I remember how hard it was. Thinking I was crazy and difficult, a piece of irrelevance…because I couldn’t keep up, because you were always angry. Never knowing what would make you angry, never being able to breath in peace, always in either protection or damage recovery. I remember the day, the moment I realize…it wasn’t me. I remember the last six years, seven years…the strategy, the acute thinking, every needle, every pin, every speck to make sure I could survive with the least damage. And doing it all with a smile, looking pretty, making everything look good just to get to the end. Day dreaming of the end. My only hope was dreaming of the end. The screams are still inside me…some days. Most days are fantastic. Most moments are fantastic. But every now and then, I remember everything. I remember the toxic vibration that pierced every nerve, every escape route, every breath. Right now is one of those moments. I’m not sure anyone will ever know what really went on. The chaotic blur between reality and toxic illusion. But it’s over. In a few minutes, this feeling will pass. But for right now, I remember everything.”