Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy

12/02/2025

Here are some reasons why couples therapy is contraindicated in situations of abuse:

• It can escalate violence between sessions
• Sessions can be used to twist the narrative and increase victim blaming
• It can delay more appropriate individual intervention for the abusive partner
• Abuse is an individual issue about power and control, not about relationship communication and dynamics
• The partner who is being abused cannot speak freely or safely
• Abusers can manipulate the therapist, displaying very different behaviors in sessions than at home

While I don’t specialize in domestic violence or abuse, I want to make sure this message is widely spread.

If you’re experiencing abuse and you live in the U.S., here’s a resource that can help: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of active addiction or certain mental health conditions.

12/01/2025

😂

🎥:

12/01/2025

What do you find challenging about expressing your needs?

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

11/30/2025

This shifts the communication from blame or criticism to the expression of feelings and needs. It’s more vulnerable and steers clear of all-or-none messages.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

11/29/2025

11/29/2025

Self-regulation generally refers to the ability to manage one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. On a nervous system level, it also speaks to a sense of safety. Co-regulation is when people regulate their emotions and behaviors (and establish a sense of safety) through interactions with others.

Social media tends to highlight all of the wonderful ways to self-regulate (e.g., meditation, yoga, therapy, journaling, etc.), which is a very important and necessary skill. As humans, we also deeply need co-regulation (e.g., community, social and emotional connection, reciprocal support). These two processes tend to work well in tandem: having things we do on our own that help to provide some balance, as well as things we do with others (e.g., physical touch, talking, engaging in parallel play, etc.).

This quote is from the book, The Power of Attachment, which I highly recommend.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

11/28/2025

It can take time to get to know each other, communicate about likes and needs, and build confidence/comfort.

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. Please excuse the spelling. This is to get around a medium that isn’t always friendly to s*xual health content.

11/27/2025

Take good care this holiday season.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

11/27/2025

In fact, there have been studies that show that holding the hand of a loving, safe partner can even help to reduce pain. You can Google “holding partner’s hand + pain” to learn more about Jim Coan’s research.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

11/26/2025

Secure relationships are not absent of conflict. They often involve more effective ways of managing conflict and have a process to repair after rupture.

The term repair attempt is from The Gottman Institute.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

11/25/2025

It means that no matter who you partner with, there will be a set of differences that persist throughout the relationship.

No relationship is problem-free and many of the differences between partners remain stable across time.

What’s a solvable problem in one relationship may be a perpetual problem in another and vice versa.

The question is: are the perpetual problems you experience ones that you can accept and live with?

Perpetual problems don’t necessarily mean that things can’t be managed and navigated. It means that there might be an ongoing negotiation. For example, you’re an extrovert and I’m an introvert. That may not change. So, we might have to navigate each social engagement as it comes up. You’re a spender and I’m a saver. We may need to pick and choose where we spend and where we save. But the core differences between us don’t go away. That’s what makes it perpetual.

Source:

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

11/24/2025

Scheduled intimacy should be flexible and take context into account. Decide what sounds pleasurable or connecting for you in the moment. Don’t rely on the same old script.

Want to learn more about this approach? We wrote a whole book about it! You can order your copy of Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships at major book retailers or your favorite local bookstore.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. Posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions. Please excuse the spelling, it’s to get around a medium that isn’t friendly to this type of educational content.