03/02/2026
If you looked at me now, you would not know what it took to get here.
You would see discernment.
You would see someone who can sit in intensity without collapsing.
You would see a woman who does not abandon herself to keep love.
What you would not see are the years that shaped me.
The years of survival.
The years of scrambling.
The years of dissociating just to get through.
I was wired for survival before I was wired for safety.
My father was either homeless or living on the streets from the time I was four years old. He began drinking heavily while my mother was pregnant with me. There was no stable attachment. No emotional consistency. My nervous system learned early that I was on my own.
I experienced S.A. as a young child by my father. When love and danger intertwine that early, the body adapts. You learn to override your instincts. You learn to leave yourself.
At nineteen, I was drugged with quaaludes, assaulted, and groomed within elite Pl***oy Mansion circles by a physician connected to Hugh Hefner who claimed he would help my career. Instead, I was degraded, manipulated, and exposed to a world where power protects power and silence is currency.
Trauma will either fragment you or forge you.
If you do not consciously heal it, it will shape your relationships, your attachment patterns, your self worth, and the level of disrespect you tolerate.
For years I operated from hyper independence, intensity, and dissociation because that is what my body knew.
Healing was not mindset work.
Healing was learning how to come back into my body safely.
How to regulate instead of react.
How to stop confusing chaos with chemistry.
How to build secure attachment from the inside out.
That is why I do the work I do.
Not because it sounds spiritual.
Not because it is trendy.
But because I know what it takes to rebuild after being shaped by abandonment, violation, and exploitation. (Continued 👇)
