04/22/2026
Shame and guilt are not effective in raising children. Shame and guilt are what drive addicted people back to their substance or activity of choice. It creates deep-seated self-confidence problems. Statements like, "you can do better" or questions like "why would you do that?" are more effective.
Most people want to please those around them. However, they want and need respect. Scolding digs deeply into the psyche of a child or adult. The concept of screaming at people to control them is highly counterproductive.
This applies in all areas of life. I teach Sports Psychology, part-time, for Abilene Christian's online program and work with coaches and players in college and professional sports. One of my colleagues was a player on the Texas Rangers World Series team. We teach team development through encouragement, kind correction, elevating each other, lifting each other, showing respect for each other, putting other players at the forefront of what we do and not ourselves.
Negative comments to kids and adults just tear them down. It isn't like muscle, where tearing it down rebuilds stronger. It just tears and causes tears.
If teachers can refrain from negative comments; if parents can build their children with positivity, many of our long-term multigenerational problems will dissipate. In a world with so much confusion, try and avoid confusion in all aspects of life.
