07/03/2023
😞I miss my freedom.
I still have this thought nearly every day.
I am still grieving my independence, my ability to do what I wanted and when I wanted it.
For me, independence has always been essential to my being.
Anything that jeopardized it caused a strong visceral reaction in me.
Its something that so many mothers go through, but we sometimes can't put words to our feelings or feel guilty expressing.
When we give birth, our sense of responsibility forever changes in an instance.
If you, like myself, value independence, the very nature of motherhood can be triggering.
Over time I have had to get comfortable with having another being solely dependent on me and my partner.
There are days when I can welcome that closeness and there are days when I feel like I am being suffocated.
I understand that this is not a reflection of the relationship with my little one, but my values.
It is less about her and more about me and my needs as an individual.
Seeing this has allowed me to accept my feelings and not shame them..
And when I do that, when I accept what I am feeling, they seem to melt away.
I still miss my old freedom, I always will, but motherhood has taught me to really value the individual within the relationship of parenting.
It has taught me to take every day to find a moment of self, to value myself and my individuality, and I will be forever thankful for that.
If you are or know a parent struggling with this as a parent and would benefit from working 1-1 with my in counseling, please reach out at April@theHeardCounseling.com to learn more.