Ruth Barak- Life & Parenting Coach

06/09/2024

עבר הרבה זמן מהפעם האחרונה.. הנה שיר שנתקלתי בו ורציתי לשתף

קחי לך לדרך/ שחר שחר

קחי לך לדרך המחר
את תרמיל התקווה
אספי לתוכו את אלו שיגרמו לך לחייך
שיאמינו בך.
את אלו שיבנו איתך כאן עתיד טוב יותר .
את אלה שיגשימו איתך
את כל החלומות
בכל המקומות

קחי לך לדרך המחר
את תרמיל האהבה
תרוקני מתוכו את מה שעלול לייאש אותך
את מי שעלול לאכזב אותך

תשמרי מקום
לבקבוקי האופטימיות
שירוו את צמאונך
לחיות .
להיות .

It has been a long time since the last time -here is a poem that I wanted to share..

Take with you on the journey / by Shachar.Shachar

Take with you on the journey of tomorrow
the backpack of hope.
Fill it with those
who make you smile,
who believe in you.
With those who will build a better future with you here.
With those who will fulfill
all the dreams with you
in all places.

Take with you on the journey of tomorrow
the backpack of love.
Empty it of what might discourage you,
of those who might disappoint you.

Save room
for the bottles of optimism
that will quench your thirst
to live.
To be.

04/18/2024

My daughter’s project:

Save the date !!!
🌸 Join us at the Lotus Mother’s Day Boutique Event
On May 8th at 6Pm .🌷
Visit The “ the fresh start “booth and discover YOLO - unique school supplies .
You can get a head start and buy school supplies for the new school year already!!!

All proceeds from this event go to childern in Israel 🇮🇱 who were evacuated from their home as of Oct 7th.
Now, more than ever - buying school supplies will help us to raise money - making a positive impact; allowing us to be able to give the children a needed fresh start !
! See you there! 🙏🌷☀️

12/31/2022

12/13/2022

The days are passing, time continues to beat, and I read and think about the things that are so important.

Not only the achievements, the medals, nor the grades. Not how much money you have or don't have. The really important things -
that I would really like my children and all of us to learn, absorb & implement:

-We get bored of being children, hurry to grow up and then wish we could be children again.

-We lose our health to gain money and then lose that money to restore our health.

-We think anxiously about the future, and forget the present - so we neither live in the present nor in the future.

-We live as if we will never die, and die as if we never lived.

-A rich person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least.

-It takes a few seconds to injure a loved one with deep wounds, and many years to heal them.
..And the most significant thing of all - happiness - is a matter of decision.
It concentrates on small moments of kindness and light . Just pay attention to them.

Choose kind, choose the light

Ruth

12/13/2022

The days are passing, time continues to beat, and I read and think, about the things that are so important.
Not only the achievements, the medals, nor the grades. Not how much money you have or don't have.
The really important things -
that I would really like my children and all of us to learn, absorb & implement:

-We get bored of being children, hurry to grow up and then wish we could be children again.

-We lose our health to gain money and then lose that money to restore our health.

-We think anxiously about the future, and forget the present - so we neither live in the present nor in the future.

-We live as if we will never die, and die as if we never lived.

-A rich person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least.

-It takes a few seconds to injure a loved one with deep wounds, and many years to heal them.
..And the most significant thing of all - happiness - is a matter of decision.
It concentrates on small moments of kindness and light ,Just pay attention to them.

Choose kind,choose the light

Ruth

10/01/2022

80/20

"This year I will be a better person.
I will listen more to myself,
I will invest in people who are important to me.
In my husband, children.
I will deepen friendships, create new ones.
Will eat healthy and become more active.
I will be a better person, wife, mother daughter , friend.
I will focus on what works, on the positive, on what is under my control,
Will be thankful and appreciate what I have.
I will be stronger, won't get offended by criticism.
I will learn from experience, and will not repeat mistakes."
... and the list goes on.

So just after the new year begins, I want to remind myself that not everything will always be perfect, or exactly as I want.
There will also be difficult days, of frustration, confusion or just sadness when this list will seem so far away.

On these days -
I remind myself that these are the days from which I grow. Which I learn to aim and be precise where things don't work out.
After all, when everything works as we wanted - we are not making progress.
In these difficult days I'm learning where I need to improve. I understand where I have to stand up for myself, where I am not ready to compromise.
And when I need to let go .

I know that not all days will be perfect -
The goal is 80/20
80% positive
And 20% may be challenging . Not so much fun :(

The less successful days make me much better.
what do you think?

#8020

09/13/2022

09/06/2022

"So.. how was your day?"
I asked my daughter, while she was getting into the stormy car, and tucks herself in.

We drive in silence and then I ask again..
"how was your day?"
she answered: OK.
And I continue.. can you elaborate? was it good Not good? how are the teachers the friends? "
And she answers me nervously: Oh, mom, I'm tired - I don't feel like talking.
And we continue to drive in silence.

Our children started the new school year last week.
They are going to school to be knowledgeable, smart, expand their academic skills. In addition to that, the school/preschool ‏is a social laboratoy where our child has to find his social place, deal with friendships/conversations/fights as well as social pressure. They need to learn to bridge the gap between their desire and need to feel accepted and loved, while facing the challenges of the need to stand out sometimes, and to stand up for themselves.

The school or the kindergarten is an intense catalyst where the children take all the toolbox that we have equipped them at home and implement them without us, in order to position and find their place in the social field.

Therefore, when they come back home, they should feel that they have returned to their safe space:

First of all - hug them tight, look them in the eyes and smile. Let them feel that they have arrived home - and feel that they can peel away the layers of the day.
Then - let them rest a bit... without a phone (if possible) 5 minutes even of silence.
Eat together if possible - then gently - ask small, guiding questions - that start a conversation: Who did you sit next to at lunch?
Tell me one good thing that happened today? When d
was it hard for you? how did you overcome? Who did you help today?

Then... little by little - the shells will fall off, and they will feel that they are at home - in their safe space - that they are seen, and protected and calm..

07/20/2022

Let's talk a bit about teenagers.
Sometimes we feel they are not interested in conversation, inaccessible, self-centered.
That they turn to us only when they need something: money, transportation, or help.
And the rest of the time, when we try to start a conversation, get closer, ask how they are, they push us back, closing up, and even offend us.

Our teenagers don't always know how to say it in words - but they need us to believe in them and stand as a rock in front of a stormy sea. It is important to them that we treat them as adults.

Does it sometimes happen to you that you talk to them like the children they were? Trying to take care and manage them like you used to?
Intervene, tell them what to do?

When you do that- you are basically depriving them of the independence and ability to learn about themselves. …Of course not on purpose, and all out of love and a desire to spare them pain, and help them.

But ..When we as parents forget to update "the version" and still treat them like children - they feel we don't trust them.
When instead of asking and listening, we lecture and say what we know, and how we were when we were their age. When we give them a feeling that we are disappointed, angry or dissatisfied.
Then… they share less .. shut down or erupt.

So what we should do instead? We as parents need to be more attentive, even if it is in the short periods of attention that they are willing to give us.
Less words, less lectures, more attention , empathy and genuine curiosity.

We should be like the rock - in the sea - that is always there. Even when the waves crash on it - it always stays stable.

And the second thing that is very, very important - Look at them with empathy - with good eyes, less critical.
Believe in them. You laid the foundations , harvested the seeds and values ​​in their childhood - Now let them find their potion - and blossom🌹

#אמהות #אמאברשת #אמאמאמנת

07/09/2022

She looked at him helplessly. And he kept crying .
"But why are you crying ?? .. but nothing has happened!!"

And he kept whining, crying, shouting and stamping on his little feet.

She called me in frustrated - "But nothing has happened to him. He is crying with no reason. What am I doing? He is not calming down."

"First of all ..." I said "Don't tell him that nothing happened..because for him something did happened. If it is a momentary fear, frustration, anger that he does not know how to express. Or the desire for attention.

Second thing, don't be angry at him. Let him to get it out. The frustration, the pain and the negative emotions. In addition, when you shout or get upset at him, you give him exactly what he wants - attention, even if negative one. The more that you respond and he sees that your emotions are triggered by his cry the more that he’ll think that his crying brings him strength, and he will continue.

"So what to do?" she asked

"Just, Let him cry a little, hug him. Show him with words and empathy that you understand him and feel his pain / frustration . Until he calms down.
Only then, when he calms down -
It's your time to educate - because he will be free to listen "

#אמהות #הורות #יועצתהורים

06/19/2022

*A father-*
The most influential male character in children life.
A father that is present, containing and respectful in a child's life- is extremely important for building the son or daughter's self-esteem , their mental health and their ability to cope with life's challenges.

In the past, fathers were less present in the children's lives-
They would go to work in the morning and come back in the evening - sometimes after the children were already asleep...Sometimes it's easier….

Today, the attitude have been changed.
Many fathers want and try to be present and influential in their children's lives.

Listening and building meaningful, caring and intimate relationships with your children -
Is so important and empowering to the children.
The model that you ,as a father , present to them at home - will influence their choices in their adult lives - in their friendships , careers , dealing with challenges and building meaningful relationships throughout life.

Therefore ..
I wanted to say thank you
for your caring, positive and loving presence in our children's lives.
For your pure intentions that they will always feel good.
Your willingness to learn. Listen .,
and also to change and apologize when necessary.
It gives our children the authentic model - of how a father, a spouse, a man - and a person should be.
Happy Father's Day! I Love you❤️