02/23/2026
The Dilemma...
Over my career my patients have asked me to teach them something that can’t be taught simply because it can’t be done. They want to learn how to drink safely- to drink responsibly, socially. What they were doing, and I am sure they didn’t realize it was speaking in code. What the active alcoholic/addict is really saying is that they want to continue the use but without the negative consequences. For anyone that meets the medical criteria for alcohol/drug dependence that “responsible/social” ship has sailed. For any diagnosed alcoholic/addict there can no longer be use without harm. Drinking and damage is the same thing.
I had cravings that buckled my knees. I wanted to drink so bad that literally, I could taste it. But I knew that if I did, I would immediately return to a person that I had grown to hate. I would become that very small man that that used people, broke hearts, hid in the shadows, lacked any semblance of integrity and lived only to serve self. For me to drink again was to make a voluntary decision to demean and belittle myself not to mention to activate a fatal disease. Each craving and intrusive thought introduced my dilemma, always has, always will be and always will be yours as well. Yes, I wanted to drink but I also wanted to be trusted and respected by myself and others. I wanted my word to mean something. I wanted to laugh and have a clean conscious. I wanted to be comfortable in my own skin and be able to sleep at night. I wanted to be an honorable role model for my daughter. I wanted to drink, but I wanted something else, too. The dilemma? What did I want more. The battle is never between yourself and the bottle. It will always be between honor and disgrace- prepare yourself for it. Want honor more.
“When honor dies, so does the man.”
~Oren W.
