12/19/2025
A Holiday Message for Dementia Care Partners:
The time has come that I feared the most.
I am now dependent on others for nearly all my needs.
My healthy self-from-the-past wants to hold you in my arms and say thank you.
Thank you for reminding me of appointments, steps of tasks, to brush my teeth and the back of my hair, to turn off the stove, close the front door, feed the dog (or not feed the dog again), and so much more.
Thank you for the guidance to hold onto the stair railing, operate the TV remote, microwave, and phone.
Thank you for picking out my clothes and keeping me clean to the best of your ability.
Thank you for paying the bills and taxes and organizing my meds, mail and paperwork.
Thank you for accompanying me on countless trips to the doctor, for hearing bad news and absorbing it alone because I no longer understand the complexity of the conversation.
Thank you for taking over every single household duty because I can’t seem to finish tasks or start them in the first place.
Thank you for serving my favorite foods to entice me to eat and trying to entertain me even when my attention drifts.
Thank you for doing your best to keep me out of harm’s way from others or myself when I do not recognize danger.
Thank you for trying to understand what I’m saying and answering the same question over and over again.
Thank you for understanding that when I yell or resist your help, that it’s not your fault, it’s this terrible condition that is slowly taking me away from myself and you.
When the world no longer sees my value, thank you for noticing and advocating for me.
My healthy self from days-gone-by wants you to know that I’m ok. One of the very few gifts dementia offers is my lack of memory of the times you lost your patience or didn’t know what to do. Your presence, not perfection, is more than enough and my healthier self wants you to tend to your own needs…
…for support,
comfort,
physical wellbeing,
and time away from me.
Tending to these vital things is not a failing, it's something I insist you do for yourself.
Finally, I know my needs seem constant, but can I ask one more thing?
Please wrap your arms around yourself in a hug from me and know my healthier self sees that you’re dealing with so much more than we ever dreamed of. In time, I may forget your name but something in me will always recognize and feel your loving care.
-By Ann Olson, OTR/L
audio version: https://youtu.be/ZWs7Pg2gYUA
