10/02/2025
Hey Everyone,
I recently read Mr. Breakfast, the latest novel by Jonathan Carroll, an author whose books are a bit uncategorizable, though I’ve heard them described as “magical realism” or “contemporary fantasy.” In the novel, characters are given the opportunity to choose to inhabit one of three different paths their lives might take, allowing the characters to visit and observe each one, then pick the one that seems most satisfying to them.
The premise might seem somewhat silly, but it taps into the aching question most of us have asked ourselves at one point or another in our lives: “What if I had done that with my life instead of this?” “What if I had actually married my high school sweetheart?” “What if I had pursued hockey as a profession instead of giving it up in college?” “What if I had moved to Santa Fe and taken up painting instead of pursuing an IT job in Pittsburgh?”
The novel’s protagonist, Graham Patterson, can’t decide which of the three to choose, his waffling abetted by the pleasantly unexpected direction the unsuccessful life he had been leading takes and the unpleasant twist that turns the life he’d been trying to pursue inside out. What is most striking, though, and without giving away too much of the book’s plot, is that when he makes his decision, it’s not rooted in choice but in necessity—made justlikethat, with no fretting or fussing—and the result is perfect. Not perfect in the “happily ever after” way, but perfect in that the life he ends up living is just that: the life he ends up living, with all its ups and downs, satisfactions and dissatisfactions, that “What if?” no longer eating away at him.
When we strive to quiet the restless dissatisfaction in our deep heart’s core, it is to no avail. It never seems to subside, the attempt to tame it impossibly difficult. But when, like Graham Patterson, we can let go of our desire to make it all exactly the way we would like it to be and instead simply be with what is, acting appropriately, no more, no less, we are released from dissatisfaction. It might still show up, but it is not so insistent, no longer eroding the joy that is right here, right now.
Please look at the update below for all our offerings starting in October, including a visit and, on October 26, a guest talk from Jamie Douglas, one of Steve Hagen’s students, who will be visiting us from England.
That’s it for this month.
Take care and be well,
--Steve Matuszak, Dharma Field head teacher
