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Monday 9am - 5pm Tuesday 9am - 5pm Wednesday 9am - 5pm Thursday 9am - 5pm Friday 9am - 5pm

Sarah Lauterbach, MA LMFT

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United States
Monterey, CA
Sarah Lauterbach, MA LMFT

I provide online therapy to fathers struggling with anxiety and depression before or after the birth

09/25/2023

Families are a source of great joy and love but also pain. Our families model how we are in relationships.

Some people feel like they are the reason their families cause them pain. It's not true. Families are a living system. Systems can be changed.

It only takes one person to shift a system.

09/21/2023

I have much love for fellow therapists but I have noticed especially in toxic Facebook groups for therapists we can be some of the most judging people on the planet.

I'm so grateful that therapists that do approaches I want nothing to do with (EMDR, IFS, CBT, DBT) exist. I love referring clients to those therapists.

I am a systems and psychodynamic therapist. I love exploring the why and figuring out patterns. I think we need to practice more compassion for each other and less judgment.

One size does not fit all.

The clients that appreciate my approach let me know frequently. Not every therapist is a good fit for a client and vice versa.

09/19/2023

Bowen Family Systems therapy focuses on leadership. People who act as leaders of their families have the following qualities:

-proactive rather than reactive
-emotional regulation
-engage in problem solving
-engage in curiosity and compassion
-social connection and support

Women have been thrown into the role of "CEO" of their families due to patriarchy's rigid roles. This does not mean they are leaders necessarily. Leaders walk softly and carry a big stick.

If you feel resentful and oscillate between acquiesce and personal empowerment that is not real leadership.

Leaders are assertive, request or demand what they need, and practice daily to counter old programming that may thwart their efforts.

09/19/2023

Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy talks about two kinds of boundaries: protective and containment.

Imagine an orange. The outer orange peel is your protective boundary. It protects you from stuff getting inside. This boundary can be somewhat porous. You can ask yourself "is there some truth to this information coming in?"

The inner white pulp is your containment boundary. When you feel emotionally triggered you may let too much out. You need a stronger containment boundary. You can also allow more out of this boundary which allows you to be vulnerable with others.

You want a solid boundary with the capability to allow some things in and out instead of no boundary, a too porous boundary, or a brick wall.

09/18/2023

People seem to be labeling each other left and right with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Hell I've probably been guilty of it when I encounter someone acting like an as***le!

NPD requires several symptoms PLUS those symptoms not bothering the person who exhibits them.

Folks with anxiety or depression are egodystonic because those symptoms bother them and they want those things to change.

The biggest takeaway from a partner with NPD is: THEY WILL NOT CHANGE

You can stay or go but you have to give up the fantasy that your partner can be new and different.

09/16/2023

My first circle puzzle!

09/15/2023

Food for thought 🤔

Some people really struggle with loving themselves. It's easier to empathize and show compassion to others.

Self compassion can help heal trauma.

09/15/2023

The elephant in the room for some heterosexual couples is male depression. Male depression can be overt and diagnosed as Major Depressive Disorder or Pervasive Depressive Disorder. Treatment for overt depression is medication and therapy.

Terry Real coined the terms "covert depression" in his book "I Don't Want to Talk About It."

Covert depression is when a man due to patriarchal constraints (not being like a woman) doesn't feel, runs away from emotions, copes to avoid emotions, distrusts himself, and doesn't have a good social support network.

According to Real, these men need to be confronted by the women in their lives. It's actually better for them to experience overt depression because then they can start the path to healing.

09/14/2023

Terry Real writes this quote in his book Us Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.

Generational trauma is the name of the game. You can choose to face the flames and put out the fire or continue to let it burn.

Families pass dysfunctional behaviors down from generation to generation. It doesn't mean you weren't loved or you don't love your family. They unconsciously passed to you unhealthy ways of being in relationship with others.

You can learn how to stop the cycle. It takes guts to turn towards the flames rather than running away.

09/13/2023

We have two types of boundaries in relationships, protective and containment.

Protective boundaries keep us safe from external threats. The phrase "a thicker skin" refers to protective boundaries.

Containment boundaries keep others safe from us. We feel triggered and learn how much to share (not everything and not nothing).

For example if our partner criticizes us we need a stronger protective boundary to prevent too much getting in and affecting us emotionally. If we are emotionally triggered we need a better containment boundary so we don't engage in a losing strategy (retaliation, control, etc).

Healthy boundaries can be learned especially if they were never modeled in your family.

09/13/2023

Terry Real talks about the five winning strategies for getting what you want in your relationship.

You want to approach your relationship relationally rather than individually.

You want to ask your partner "how can I help you move into a better a connection with me?"

This may not vibe well with our culture's obsession with individualism but it needs to be done if you want more intimacy.

It may feel uncomfortable at first but after you try it once you may feel less uncomfortable. The same thing happened with me and making TikToks 🤣

09/12/2023

When you feel triggered by your partner you are no longer your chronological age. You are much younger, usually the age (s) you experienced trauma in your family.

You can't stop being triggered but you can stop how you react to your partner after you feel triggered.

I can help you learn how to lengthen the pause between the trigger and your reaction. You can learn how to respond rather than react in your relationship.

Address

Monterey, CA

Opening Hours

Monday	9am - 5pm
Tuesday	9am - 5pm
Wednesday	9am - 5pm
Thursday	9am - 5pm
Friday	9am - 5pm

Website

http://www.sarahcaresaboutmoms.com/

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09/25/2023

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