Securely Coupled

04/15/2025

Not all support feels supportive.

When your partner is crying, it’s easy to default to what you would want—space, solutions, or silence.

But real attunement means slowing down, noticing what they need, and responding in a way that helps them feel safe, seen, and soothed.

Here’s the truth:

Dismissing makes them feel alone.
Fixing can feel like pressure.
Supporting builds connection.
Next time, pause and ask:
“What do you need right now?”
It might be the most healing thing you can say.

❤️

11/10/2023

Does it sound familiar? Many times, when our loved ones are in pain, we try to jump in and provide tools and changes "Well why don't you just.. have you tried...what if..". However, think about a time when you were in a negative place... what did you need most?
Was It helpful when someone tried to fix it? Most of the time the answer will be no, unless you asked for the help yourself. A problem we run into is we cannot just sit with someone else' suffering. It is difficult to just be fully present. This is called empathy.
Empathy is the ability you have to put yourself in that persons' shoes, to walk with them and look at their experience and feel their experience, although it is not your own.
Try these two tips instead of fixing, providing feedback, or dismissing feelings:
1. When your partner tells you something they are feeling, try to just active listen, and hold the space for them by validating them. Reflect on what they just stated "it sounds like you are really having a hard time with this.... I'm here... 2. Instead of unsolicited advice, practice asking "do you want me to tell you what I think and help you with this, or do you want me to just listen?". Sometimes, your partner may ask for your opinion, but its a much different feeling to receive an unsolicited opinion than to ask.
If you try this with your partner, notice what happens.
Does your partner feel more heard and supported? I can assure you they will.

08/03/2023

Party of 4 - February 2024! -💜🥲

05/21/2023

04/22/2023

03/15/2023

It’s important to remember that the avoidant attachment adaptation and anxious attachment are both insecure attachment styles. What this means is that in a moment of threat Anyone who does not have a secure attachment will often respond one directionally- through self protection only- good for me only. When we are good, I care for you, when we are bad, I forget about you and look out for myself- there is no we. There is only I.
I have seen a lot of hate on my comments towards the avoidant attachment, which yes, has more difficulty with intimacy.
Truth is, both attachment styles have issues when intimacy and turning towards when feeling unsafe.
You are both responsible, contributors to your dynamic. You are different. Accept your differences and find a way to be the same in our differences.
This is hard work, and step number one is looking at how I am difficult, not only my partner.
Let’s talk about this in the comment section👇🏻
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⚠️ This information does not apply to domestic violent relationships

02/01/2023

🌱If you have an anxious attachment- your first step is understanding your responses and wounding- where they come from.
Understanding your strengths and pitfalls- which I will post about on my next post.
You are not broken- you adapted to your environment and how you received love 💕
Stay tuned for how you are difficult as an anxious attached partner
Download our conscious relationship guide to begin to understand your relational sensitivities and vulnerabilities link in bio!