Thrive Therapy Center

01/14/2024

12/22/2022

Strive to Thrive…
Kimberlie Zakarian, LMFT

A Two Minute Talk Can Save Lives

I feel led today to encourage adults, to remind their family, friends, students, colleagues, to talk to the young people in their lives about safety. I am not talking about doing it in a preachy way. But taking the time to calmly provide real life stories about tragic accidents that happen to decent people, could save a life.

Most adults who were once 19 know that from adolescence into young adulthood, antics and thrills are exciting. The brain isn’t completely developed, risks are taken, and accidents occur.

This past Monday at 3 am, in our Valencia neighborhood right above our home, a 19 year old male and his friend stole a tractor from his work job sight. Honestly, they were probably just borrowing it for a joyride. Many young people who do these types of things are not criminals. They’re impulsive kids looking for some fun~ and their damn brains aren’t finished developing. For the majority of young people, age 26 is the magic number of attaining the ability to foresee consequences. Obviously, there is a variance in maturity with such factors as mental health, developmental issues, trauma, and the like. But it is fair to say overall, prior to one’s mid twenties, risk taking behavior is at a higher percentage than it is later in life.

I post this article to get your attention. This young man and his friend took the tractor and ~ it fell over on him. That is what happened. Yet, the consequence was tragic.

Bringing up a conversation with young people in our lives “out of the blue” has a high potential to plant a seed that can cause a person to “think twice” before making a risky decision. I have worked with young people for over 25 years. It is a fact that our words can help kids to think, to pause, and to perhaps chose to not make a decision that changes their life negatively.

And while young people’s brains are not finished cooking, believe me, they most definitely are in the oven. And they’re ready to be seasoned.

A man was killed Monday morning after a tractor they allegedly stole from a construction site tipped...

11/23/2022

Strive To Thrive
Blessings Amidst Trials

Beautiful people do not just happen. And wisdom only comes through suffering trials.

No amount of education, age, or academics alone create wisdom. It takes hard work, suffering...and "growing" from pain.

Wisdom escapes our grasp when we blame others, self medicate, deny, are defensive, or bitter. Wisdom is attained through struggle, growth, grace, and healing.

Wisdom is arising out of the ashes of your latest trial with graceful strength and standing firm till the next trial hits.

Kimberlie Zakarian, LMFT

03/12/2022

Adults educated in how children’s emotions and brains work, and create effective programs, can change lives.

06/22/2021

Strive to Thrive…
Kimberlie Zakarian, LMFT

What Exactly IS Therapy?

Below, you will see posted what I wish I could say to clients when they ask me, “Well, how am I going to change? I feel that I AM aware that I do ‘such and such’ behavior.”

It is not that simple. It is much deeper. It takes a couple of years to tap into the unconscious and make any type of permanent change. I have clients who have been seeing me 14 years by choice. They have attained deep healing, made permanent changes, feel peace and newfound strength, and they are still choosing to learn more.

Psychotherapy is science. Neuroscience. Therapists deal with the brain. We go to school for years. We see patients for years before we are allowed to take the first of our two licensing exams. When you see a therapist, even a new one, they have seen 3000-5000 patients before ever being licensed to practice alone. Add to that a doctorate, years of being licensed, and any post doctorate specialty trainings (I personally have Harvard and Duke University postgrad training). We are educated, skilled, trained, wise, seasoned, and we handcraft your treatment, yes, just for you. Your treatment is uniquely designed and mindfully integrated to assist you in finding peace ~ and change how you interact in the world.

So I set before you:

“What do therapists actually do?” Enjoy.

"Psychotherapists are applied neuroscientists who create individually tailored enriched learning environments designed to enhance brain functioning and mental health. We are skilled at teaching clients to become aware of unconscious processing, take ownership of their projections, and risk anxiety in the service of emotional maturation. In our work, illusions, distortions, and defenses are exposed, explored, and tested or modified with understandings closer to reality. Implicit memory – in the form of attachment schemas, transference, and superego – are made conscious and explained as expressions of early experiences. We use a combination of empathy, affect, stories, and behavioral experiments to promote neural network growth and integration.

Through all this work, subcortical brain networks that store memories of fears, phobias, and traumas are activated and made accessible for integration with cortical inhibitory circuitry. This essential integration allows for linkage among explicit and implicit circuits, conscious awareness, and the control of negative memories, sensations, and emotions. Regardless of the client’s particular problem, psychotherapy teaches a method to help us better understand and use our brains. And as the dialogue between psychotherapy and neuroscience continues to evolve, an increasing number of scientific findings will be applied to both theory and clinical practice."

From "The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy" by Louis Cozolino

07/29/2020

Strive to Thrive
Kimberlie Zakarian, LMFT

Clinging to Our Faith During Covid 19, 2020

Today I coined the term, Floating in Faith...

Alright, perhaps it might have existed before. I’ll look that up later. However, my definition is living and powerful to me today. This week. This year. This season.

I had to get to a place where I completely let go and trusted God without a tangible touch from Him. I floated in faith until I collided with God’s tangible provision. And as much as I love to swim, even in rough waters, this type of floating had me flaying about quite a bit. Not an attractive image.

This God person just keeps amazing me. I deeply and literally got to this place in my mind, spirit, heart, even body. The next day, I received this written message from an unexpected source:

Faith is a scary thing, yet it is powerful when we finally get there! It’s completely saying, “You know I have this tangible need by this time. I HAVE to trust you that it will be taken care of by you.” Then I let go. I floated in faith.

I had no bearings. No footing. Nothing concrete. I went deep inside my spirit, told God my need and my fears, and He amazed me by providing in a tangible way. And he touched me emotionally and psychologically by giving me a lesson last week: He put me in a position to learn to accept help.

I was humbled. I humbled myself. And I learned to let go a bit when I can’t control things...and float in faith this season of my life. This season of the unknown.

My hope is that anyone struggling today, can lean back~ and float.

05/08/2020

Thrive Therapy
Kimberlie Zakarian, LMFT

Reframing Brings Hope

Can you see the sun through the dark branches? This is actually the moon. Reframing does not dim beauty and hope.

03/27/2020

Strive to Thrive...
Kimberlie Zakarian, LMFT

Sheltering in Place - Make the Shift

I’ll admit, I was a bit stressed out by late afternoon yesterday.

I was working upstairs, and anytime I left the room, our little guy asked if he could help me. He came to help me as I measured an area for a new rug, wanted to help clean the floor of my new workout area, then got on a stool to help me cook before I was ready to. I still had a business call to make. As I went upstairs to shut myself into my work area, he asked to come in. I told him I had a call and there were other family members downstairs. When I emerged 30 minutes later, I was startled and screamed as I opened the door to this precious child dressed like this. He said he was all ready to help me cook. He had an apron on and had placed headphones over his ears “so he wouldn’t be bothered by the sound of me sautéing veggies.”

My heart melted.

As we shelter in place, it’s time to “make the shift” to see our blessings amidst this stressful time. So I created a new hashtag...

03/26/2020

Strive to Thrive...

I don't like the term, "Back in the Day."
Today is that Day. Live it.
~Kimberlie Zakarian, LMFT

Sheltering in Place is a great time to work through, and heal, any old wounds that have been holding you back in life. It is also a season where we need emotional support more than ever.

If you need to talk, please reach out and ask about Tele-psyche therapy sessions. Therapy via phone, FaceTime, Google Hangout, and Zoom.

02/27/2020

Strive to Thrive

This is our second post on the grief process. If you or someone you know is currently going through a season of grief my hope is that these posts can support you in some way.

Grief and Loss

What is the most significant loss you can remember? For some, the answer may come immediately to mind. Others may have to ponder a bit. Mine happened a little over 7 years ago…my grandmother.
She passed October 21, 2012, 6 days short of her 99th birthday. I will never forget the last time I saw her. I will never fail to remember the last conversation we had. My grief started seventeen days before her passing when my mother phoned to tell me the end was near. I cried the entire night from somewhere deep within my being. The day she passed I cried less. The morning I officiated at her funeral, I again welled up minutes before stepping out to the pulpit.

Grief is defined as a process, gone through in non sequential stages. The Kubler-Ross model is a good representation of how the “the five stages of grief” can occur. It uses the acronym DABDA: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
The denial stage is about one basically thinking, “Hey, I am fine, this cannot be happening to me”; the anger stage is more of a, “Why me? Life is not fair” type of perception; the bargaining stage is usually asking God for more time with the idea of changing one’s life style, “I’ll do anything if only…” type of thoughts; the depression stage is a “why even go on?” type of mentality; while the acceptance stage allows one to finally think, “It’s going to be alright; I may as well not fight it.”

These stages are typically what individuals go through during the grieving process. True, deep, “grief” lasts about two months. When the duration exceeds this, it is technically diagnosable as a major depressive episode -which makes sense when we have lost someone very close to us. But the truth of the matter is that grief can look different for everyone. And the cause of grief is diverse. The bottom line is that grief is not only necessary to move on, it is a dreadfully powerful emotion that is pervasive in nature. The passing of a loved one is one of the most difficult life stressors we can experience. It is permanent. There is finality to it that other stressors and losses do not always include. However, other losses cause deep grief as well.

What I have noticed with the passing of my grandmother is a bit different from other deaths and losses I have experienced. My grandmother was so alive when she lived on this earth! So much so that her photos now somehow evoke the feeling she is still here. Not in a supernatural sort of way, but in the way that my memories of her are alive. They are of someone so loving, so true, that I can still feel the memories as if they are present day. She is with me in my prefrontal lobe, my heart, and my voice can still carry stories of her beautiful deeds and loving gestures.
This woman goes down in my history much as someone might remember President Lincoln for his work and service. No one can take her from me. She is a history maker. She is well loved. And I was well loved by her. These types of memories can help the grief process to take on deeper meaning and lessen the sting.

Do you have the memory of a loved one you have grieved? We would love to read your memories.
Kimberlie Zakarian, LMFT

02/07/2020

Strive to Thrive
Kimberlie Zakarian, LMFT

Dr. Amen, American Psychiatrist and Brain Disorder Specialist, found out his 9 year old godson’s violent behavior was not from a mental illness...

Everything must be investigated when someone exhibits newly, out of the ordinary, odd behavior. If we don’t do a thorough examination, people can get hurt. If we don’t investigate, we cannot find the cause- and we will fail in helping people heal.

Dr. Amen’s 9 year old godchild became violent for no apparent reason. Had he not undergone brain imaging, this child most likely would have been put on psychotropic medication. And while psychotropic medications are necessary for severe mental health disorders, they would not have worked for this child. He had something else going on. We must explore all possibilities before diagnosing someone with a mental illness.

02/04/2020

Strive to Thrive...

Love is Other Focused and Avoids Evoking Our Lover’s Past Wounds
~ Kimberlie Zakarian, LMFT

Love is not giving another “many things”
that we are comfortable giving.

Love takes sacrifice.

Love is awareness that there is one specific need that is essential for our lover to receive for them to truly feel loved and valued. It is vital.

Love is meeting the most precious need of our lover and fulfilling it, even if discomfort resides as we do so.

Love is opening our heart to another in such an unselfish way, that we mindfully see their past wounds, and do everything in our power to gently steer clear of rewounding via withholding their need in that area. Love is providing the fulfillment of that specific vulnerability ~ because meeting our lover’s love language is what causes another to truly feel loved. This mindful act is intentional, it is unconditional, and it puts our love’s deep need before our own self centeredness, knowing the deepest form of intimacy is the reciprocation of our lover providing for our deepest needs. Through these unselfish acts, the deepest bond, attachment, and agape and Eros love are attained. This is the purest form of created love, mirroring the love God created man and woman to attain. Achieving it creates intimacy the world cannot destroy.

This deeply emotionally focused awareness of our lover’s vulnerable need is the deepest form of intimacy. It can profoundly heal another’s deepest wounds. And when returned to us by our lover, the deepest level of love is attained; creating the deepest level of intimacy~ the type most couples never experience.

Self focus and stubbornness often prevent this intimacy in relationships because we lose focus as humans. And losing our vision unravels a bond that is completely preventable.

Take a moment to really allow these truths to sink in.

Focusing on our lover’s deepest need, most often created by a deep wound from the past, can bring restoration to their heart that no other intimate relationship on earth can mend.

Being in love and living it out reciprocally accomplishes something miraculous. This leads to emotional, spiritual, and erotic intimacy beyond what we imagine in our own. I for one want to gift that to my lover. And I know my own brokenness desires to have another care enough to provide my deepest need of placing value upon me, that no earthly man has ever given.

It is within all of us. Perhaps we need help to tap into it: therapy, meditation, prayer, assistance from God, or self reflection that leads to our own healing. But every single one of us has the ability to give that to another~ and experience a bond and intimacy beyond compare.