02/06/2026
I got to be on the receiving end of somatic work today, and it was INCREDIBLE.
When I woke up this morning I had no idea I’d be reliving such a traumatic place of my memories. One that threatened my life, that I was lucky to escape from. One that I didn’t realize was stuck causing a background of defensive patterns to continue playing out while leaving pieces of myself feeling trapped and frozen in those moments in time.
Yes, I do have PTSD (cPTSD). And while being guided to work through a current pattern I’ve noticed, I was facing my 24yr old self, fighting for her life to survive. It wasn’t retraumatizing to experience bc I knew I wasn’t there. Instead it was like being an out of body force in the moment to lend strength and be witnessed. It was profoundly moving. I gathered the pieces of me that were still there stuck in that house. The piece that was frozen in terror. The piece that was fighting to survive. The piece that was escaping with what she could. And those pieces all came back to me with such strength and grace. The words heart-fire rang out to me as I felt that strength and courage rise into my chest.
My posture shifted.
My upper back and chest felt open.
More of myself has been returned.
In shamanism, we call this soul retrieval. In somatics we call this reintegration, like a returning home to Self.
One thing many trauma survivors, especially of DV often say, is that they feel like they lost a part of themselves. The reality is, we do but we can reconnect. We can reintegrate. We can be forever changed by our trauma and yet still find the pieces of ourselves that make us feel more at home within.
This wasn’t my first soul retrieval, but I know it was my last pieces from this part of my past and I can’t put into words the depths of how that feels, except that I can tell you my smile is even bigger and my heart feels more alive, and that spicyness of my inner protector is fuel for my heart-fire.
I’m beyond thankful for this work and for the beautiful souls I’ve meant along the way that have become not just colleagues, but friends. 🙏🏼
This meme felt so appropriate for that spicy inner protector ❤️🔥