01/03/2024
Infidelity repair.
Here are some of the most common issues and blocks that we encounter during the repair:
For the offending partner:
Shame vs guilt vs responsibility;
Grief responses;
Different sense of self (most common one is “I am now one of THEM, “the bad guy”);
Holding space for your partner’s pain;
Helping your partner understanding your reality;
For the wounded partner
Loss of trust (in the relationship and in self, the most common one is “How can I trust even myself if I didn’t see THAT coming”);
Loss of the previous sense of self;
Grieving the relationship;
Responses similar to the ones that we encounter in trauma survivors: flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance, negative view of self and others, etc.
Need for the partner to step up (to answer questions, hold space for the pain, provide reassurance and genuine remorse).
For the partners system as a whole:
Pre-infidelity (negative relationship cycle that preceded an affair);
Relationship breakup due to an affair;
Choice made to stay together and repair;
Adjustment to the new reality of the relationship (starting over);
Holding space for pain and difficult emotions;
Restructuring interactions, rebuilding trust and intimacy.
