The Better Living Collaborative

The Better Living Collaborative Get started with my free self-compassion guide at radicalself.ck.page

I'm committed to providing individuals and organizations accessible tools (not rules!) for ‘Radical Wellness' - the art and science of being okay, even when things around us aren't.

What makes one brain process something as trauma and another one not?We have absolutely no idea. We do know trauma is pa...
04/20/2026

What makes one brain process something as trauma and another one not?
We have absolutely no idea.

We do know trauma is part of the human experience - we know almost all humans experience trauma.

And while there are all kinds of different definitions for 'trauma' (including the many academic ones I've studied), I've developed this one as a simple reminder that there's no measurement for your trauma and nothing that should dissuade you or embarrass you. Those of us who have been through it, have expertise and experience, and want to help will never tell you that what you're working through isn't 'serious' enough. That's not a thing.

So, if you're still struggling to decide whether or not you want to reach out, try thinking of your trauma like this:
It's just a hard thing that happened that isn't done being heard yet.

You'll start feeling much better about things once it's been given its voice, and you've developed the skills to navigate the story it's telling.

You got this. I'm here to help. DM me to learn more.

Every now and again, I encounter that person. The one where I can see that they don't necessarily believe what I am tell...
04/19/2026

Every now and again, I encounter that person. The one where I can see that they don't necessarily believe what I am telling them.

These people used to be a huge, huge shame-trigger for me. I would immediately launch into all the ways I was right, working in the research I'd done or all the proof of an incident I had.

Because the benefit of the doubt had always been an elusive thing for me, being in an abusive relationship that often included implications that I "wouldn't be believed anyway" further upended my concept of self-truth. I doubted myself at least as much as others did - even when I knew I was truthful to a fault.

When I worked through those issues, I found that no more people believed me than had before I worked through them. That's just how it is. Some people are never going to believe me. The shift was in how I accepted that fact without being consumed by it any longer. I learned that when I could feel the inner confidence of my own truth, it mattered much less how others perceived my knowledge and experiences. It was incredibly freeing.

The confidence to know what you know: That's Radical Wellness

Coaching and therapy - not the same thing! But how are they different and how do you know what the best fit for you is?...
04/17/2026

Coaching and therapy - not the same thing! But how are they different and how do you know what the best fit for you is?

Are you looking for context for patterns and struggles that come back again and again? Are you concerned about escalating issues that are impacting your daily life (like feeling a lot of anxiety or feeling very depressed?) Do you think you may need a diagnosis of a potential mental health condition? These are therapy-based directions and a counselor/therapist is likely the right choice for you. Remember, therapists and counselors are licensed by state - many, but not all, take insurance.

Are you working on a present goal that just seems elusive? Do you need guidance on breaking down your approach to wellness or help navigating a current challenge? Do you need a strategic partner or someone to work with you on accountability? Coaching is likely a very good fit for you. Coaches come with a variety of experiences, credentials, and/or degrees: make sure your coach has training that aligns with your goals.

No matter which path (or both!) you choose, ask all of your questions to any provider. We should always be willing to answer you honestly, transparently, and provide you with the guidance you need to make the best decision for YOUR NEEDS.

My coaching practice will soon include counseling services as well - check out my current 1:1 and group coaching options and reach out if you have any questions!


04/16/2026

The over-simplification of concepts like burnout, re-traumatization, resilience, self-care, wellness, and more really tend to make us feel worse about ourselves, not better.

I constantly see 'get a job where you don't need a mental health day' (usually stated by someone trying to sell something...)

This is NOT a reality you need to embrace... or even a reasonable standard.
You can absolutely love what you do and still need (and deserve) a break from it.
You can love your personal life, your family, your situation, and still need a break from it.
And yes, you can be making huge strides towards your passions and still feel called to take a rest.

Rest. Don't stop.
I can help you learn how to make that time valuable and healing, and help you get out of any shame cycle you might be in over desiring a break from something you love.

One of the reasons I developed Radical Wellness is because I've seen this exact approach all too often. We are waiting f...
04/15/2026

One of the reasons I developed Radical Wellness is because I've seen this exact approach all too often. We are waiting for the trauma (for the hard thing if the word 'trauma' makes you squeamish) before we learn to deal with it.

That's a bad plan for most things - but it's especially bad for learning to deal with trauma. Here's why:

When you encounter something that causes a trauma-response (or a trigger) in you, your brain does its job and alerts the 'first responder', your amygdala. Amygdala has one job and it does it very, very well - to keep you safe. That includes shutting down or overriding much of the rest of your brain - including your frontal lobe (where the pre-frontal and frontal cortex's dealing with problem-solving, language, decision-making, regulation, etc.) live.

If you don't know how to calm and regulate this response before it happens, you aren't going to be able to manage it during, or after, the event.

Radical Wellness acknowledges that hard things are going to happen to us in life and, instead of shying away from that fact, looks at all the ways we can understand ourselves and our needs so that we have skills at-the-ready to respond to that fire.

04/14/2026

Some of the rhetoric around words like trauma and triggers is really misleading and really damaging for people who have to deal with those things on a daily basis.

If you're struggling with them, I encourage you to advocate for yourself, but I'm also encouraging those of you who DON'T have these forces working in your life to be the voices needed: stop someone before they throw around these words. Make a simple but profound change in this kind of messaging.

You saw it all go down.You kept telling yourself to DO something. But you didn't. Somehow, you couldn't. And now, away f...
04/13/2026

You saw it all go down.
You kept telling yourself to DO something.
But you didn't.
Somehow, you couldn't.

And now, away from it, you're playing out the details over and over again in your head - thinking about all the things you wished you had said or done. This is often accompanied by guilt, shame, and low self-worth.

Welcome to the 'Freeze' trauma response.

You are not weak, not stupid, and not really 'frozen' at all.
You are taking it all in.
Your brain is quite clever; In fact, you're the trickster.
You can 'play possum' and study the incident - surviving AND learning at the same time, so that next time, you are ready.

People who don't understand this response will question whether you 'really' thought you were in danger and whether it was 'that bad.'
It was.
You're survival mechanism kicked in; because it was.

But, when we start healing we have to calm that response so we can let the emotions we literally put on ice thaw out and be processed. It takes time, a safe place, and patience - so be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

It's NOT Mental Health Awareness Month - but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be talking about our mental health!1. Mental...
04/12/2026

It's NOT Mental Health Awareness Month - but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be talking about our mental health!

1. Mental Health isn't about whether or not you have an 'official' mental health diagnosis.

2. Mental Health is inextricably tied to Physical Health.

3. Waiting for a mental health crisis to arrive before you engage in mental health supports is a really flawed plan.

In Radical Wellness, we acknowledge that hard things happen to everyone, that in order to be our best we need to embrace that reality, and that we can proactively work toward healthy responses that can not only help us manage tough stuff, it can also empower us!

You can learn more and start the journey by getting your free download: Seven Days to Radical Self-Compassion here: radicalself.ck.page

Fact: There's nothing wrong with the words in the left-hand column. Using them regularly can help de-stigmatize the lang...
04/10/2026

Fact: There's nothing wrong with the words in the left-hand column. Using them regularly can help de-stigmatize the language that often surrounds our struggles...

Also a Fact: The words in the right-hand column can help cultivate self-compassion, understanding, and serve as an important reframe on your healing journey.

Healing should be your FIRST priority. You can always take on battling the social stigmas around language later, but the right-hand words serve a specific purpose: they can remind you that so many of the things we think of as flaws in ourselves are actually finely honed protective instincts designed to give you critical information about the world around you.

So, the next time that anxiety creeps in, instead of shaming yourself consider that your internal warning system is going off and ask yourself 'why.'
The next time someone gives you a hard time and calls you 'triggered' consider that you are perceiving an external warning and ask yourself 'why.'
Keeping curious about your responses and being open to the answers will help you understand yourself better and create the self-compassion you so richly deserve.

If you're ready to focus on these skills, I'd love to help and support you. The Better Learning Collaborative offers 1:1 therapeutic coaching and group coaching programs in person and online. DM me or visit my website, www.betterlivingcollab.com, to learn more.

How often do you hear someone (maybe yourself) referred to as 'resilient', or as 'not resilient'? We deliver this judgme...
04/09/2026

How often do you hear someone (maybe yourself) referred to as 'resilient', or as 'not resilient'?

We deliver this judgment the same way we refer to curly or straight hair or green or brown eyes: as if it's something we are born with (or without).

That's just not true.

Resilience isn't a character trait. It's a skillset—a set of tools you build to help yourself absorb the initial blow of a trauma. It's essential, but only part of the story when it comes to navigating traumatic events—and the messaging about it is so, so wrong.

Whether I'm counseling, speaking, or consulting, I think it's important to explore a new view on resilience, and I can teach you how to build up your own, customized resilience toolkit for yourself or for your organization; one that won't leave you relying on this response alone, or stuck in a cycle of constantly being 'resilient' until you burn yourself out.

Ready to learn more? Visit my webpage, grab a free download on self-compassion, or dm me for an exploration call.


Healing isn’t simple—it’s messy, intense, and sometimes downright confusing. You’ll probably ask yourself, “Why am I doi...
04/08/2026

Healing isn’t simple—it’s messy, intense, and sometimes downright confusing. You’ll probably ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” more than once. So, here’s the real secret: it’s not just about feeling better (though that’s pretty amazing when it happens!), it’s about becoming a force for good. Your healing creates a ripple effect, inspiring others to repair and grow, too. 🌱

Healing serves the world— and you can be the change that stops the cycle of damage.


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https://www.betterlivingcollab.com/

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