10/14/2025
Today I’m sharing a little bit about what healthy kink dynamics look like. They involve clear, vulnerable, honest communication. In American culture, there’s an overwhelming amount of movies, songs, p**n, etc which raise curiosity regarding kink, but plant the seeds that create unsafe situations. When you and an intimate partner share a space which involves kink, it’s referred to as a “scene.” We need to know when that scene is beginning and when it is ending. Mindful discussion needs to take place leading up to each scene which gives the dominant (D) and submissive (s) a clear understanding of what to expect. Scenes that haven’t been discussed prior (negotiation) run the risk of violating boundaries not only to for what the s is willing to receive but also for what the D is willing to do. Particularly if there is past trauma involved, one or both can fawn in these spaces which is doing what they think is expected of them, at the detriment of their own boundaries, often times not feeling as though they’re able to say no. The form that you see with this article is not fully comprehensive, but offers some ideas for talking points. Credit goes to theduchy.com
It can be so challenging for many of us to share what our needs and wants are, so this helps us think more specifically what we would like the scene to include, and it also creates a space to share what we would not like a scene to include. For example yesterday perhaps I was craving sh***ri (rope play) but I had a trauma flashback that’s close to the surface so today it is on my “no” list. I encourage safe connecting activities leading up to a scene as well as aftercare which can involve the D expressing care, empathy, sensitivity, and asking the s “what do you need from me right now?” “How do I help you feel safe and cared about?” It can also be a great idea to revisit processing the scene for a post-check in to explore what each person was feeling and if there’s anything that needs to be discussed. When done properly with intention, kink can be deeply connecting and rewrite trauma histories, creating a deep safety. My therapy is kink informed and I welcome you!
