Haven Christian Counseling

11/06/2025

11/04/2025

“In a word, if love reigns in our heart, we become, in a complete and luminous way, the persons we are meant to be, for every human being is created above all else for love. In the deepest fiber of our being, we were made to love and to be loved,” Pope Francis

Most if not all of our problems are caused by a lack of love, or the inability to receive love. Authentic love reflects the true nature and character of God. It doesn’t begin with human efforts or emotion. God’s message to us, “I love you no matter what, I am not afraid of your mistakes and flaws and you don’t have to be afraid of them either.” Love and fear are enemies and have opposite agendas. God’s perfect love casts out all fear and changes our hearts so that we can genuinely love others. The best way to cast out fear relationally is to leave no doubt in the mind of others and yourself that you are loved. Like a lamp that must be plugged into a power source in order to produce light, we must stay connected to the source of love in order to walk in and receive genuine love.

Characteristics of Authentic Love

Unconditional- Not withdrawing love when someone makes a mistake and being quick to forgive.

2. Selfless- Not out for personal gain, but gives without expecting something in return.

3. Honest- Vulnerable and speaks the truth with kindness and courage, even when hard
or uncomfortable. Promises are kept.

4. Respectful- Not controlling, pressuring or manipulative. Honors boundaries and willing
to validate another’s point of view even when it is different.

5. Safe- Encourages growth, isn’t envious. It is consistent and reliable even when emotions
waver. Nurturing instead of judging.

6. Accountable- Takes responsibility for emotional patterns, behaviors and past traumas.
Doing the necessary work in order to heal.

10/28/2025

Jesus was perhaps the only one in the world who ever fully lived securely and completely trusting God. Most of us have a tendency to follow our own ways when it feels risky or too dangerous to obey the will of God. I would like to say that I was immediately obedient and didn’t grapple with actively pursuing opening a Healing Center here in Charleston. I often hear people talk about how they want to start a ministry with such excitement and passion. I was NOT that person for many reasons. But, mainly I think it was because I knew the cost, commitment, pain and sacrifice that it was going to take to accept the call. I have been in the church long enough to know how hard ministry is and what it can do to good people. Mark 9:35 says, “if any man would be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” I don’t know about you, but this world has taught me that being a servant is hard and not a very desirable position. Jesus describes himself as meek and lowly of heart. I think He is saying that it is a good thing and not dangerous to be lowly, insignificant or unappreciated. This is so countercultural to our current world and mentality. We expect to be noticed, appreciated and understood. I have noticed that most murmuring and complaining within an organization happens when people feel unheard, misunderstood, set aside or unappreciated. This then leads to disappointment and hurt, which if left unhealed can cause division or destroy Christian fellowship. What if we as Christians could get to the place of being so secure in Christ that we could courageously remain at peace when unnoticed, misunderstood or set aside?
Lord, give us the courage to remain unnoticed, set aside and misunderstood. You never did anything in order to gain recognition or become popular. Help us to be so secure in Your love and trust you completely. May we be strong and courageous and willing to go against current cultural norms. You chose to be meek and lowly. Help us at Healing Haven to be a pure and humble ministry that brings glory to You. Help us to make people feel seen, heard and appreciated. Amen!

10/28/2025

“The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with out friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

10/21/2025

So beautiful to see this firsthand! :)

10/20/2025

Is Your God too Small?

“Many men and women today are living, often with inner dissatisfaction, without any faith in God at all. This is . . . because they have not found with their adult minds a God big enough . . . J.B. Phillips.”

Many of us have weak theology and/or a wrong “image of God.” I often find that my patients have wrong or distorted beliefs in this area. Our understanding of who God is often comes from our past experiences, cultural background and religious beliefs. For example, if I am struggling to trust in God, then my view of God lacks the awesome, glorious, and immeasurable power and authority that the true God of the Bible holds! I think part of the problem is that we want a God who is manageable, predictable, safe and that we can control. We want to be able to understand and explain His ways and never get confused or disappointed by His actions or lack of action on our behalf. We know Him only in part, and often from our minds alone. We have not fully let him have entire access to our hearts. God is far beyond our understanding, so using our own understanding will keep Him small. Our awareness of God should be constantly evolving and growing. In his book, The Idea of the Holy, German theologian Rudolph Otto says that we should stand before God in drop jaw awe – beyond words and concepts. When we realize that God is beyond our comprehension, we stand at the edge of our unknowing either in fear or trust, depending on whether we imagine a wrathful or a loving God.

Lord, forgive us for limiting You and confining You. You are far too great and far too big to comprehend; but our desire is to know You better, deeper, more intimately than ever before. May trust in You replace our dependency on ourselves. May we stand in Holy awe before You.

10/16/2025

From trauma to test anxiety, Accelerated Resolution Therapy® (ART) is helping clients feel better quickly.

Instead of “things get worse before they get better,” ART often brings relief in just one session, leaving clients smiling, calm, and free from old symptoms.

Find an ART trained therapist near you. www.ARTworksnow.com

10/14/2025

Oneness with Christ

“But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.” 1 Corinthians 6:17. Oneness with God opens the door for intimacy and understanding. It is a place of peace and contentment. It is a living bond that not even death can break.

At the end of the day, I think we all just want to be authentically loved and accepted. We long to feel safe enough to just be ourselves and know we will be accepted regardless. But, because of the fear of rejection or of not fitting in, we strive to fit in even if that means changing ourselves to be what we think others want. We often go looking for belonging and happiness in places that are not truly fulfilling or that can even be destructive. We know about God’s love, but don’t know Him as love! Jesus never sought out to be accepted by others. He was secure in knowing that He was the beloved Son of God. In John 17:20-23: Jesus prayed, “that all of them may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I am in You.”

“Against the prevailing mindset of our day—you are what you make of yourself—union with Christ tells you that you can discover your real self only in relation to the One who made you. You are not, you cannot be, self-made. Union with Christ tells you that you can only understand who you are in communion with God and others. And that is a wildly countercultural claim.”― Rankin Wilbourne

10/07/2025

The Illusion of Control

People who struggle with anxiety disorders, past trauma, perfectionism or abandonment issues tend to especially struggle with a need for control. A need for control is directly rooted in fear. There is often this unconscious belief that “I am not safe.” There is this feeling that our safety depends on our ability to control our environment. We must know what to expect and do everything “right,” plus be over-prepared in order to have the best outcome. The unconscious thought is that if I am prepared and ready, then I will be okay. The problem is that it is exhausting and wastes a lot of brainpower. We think these strategies are helpful, but the truth is they do not work! There will ALWAYS be things outside of our control. It's kind of ridiculous to try to control things out of our control.

We have all heard the cliche, “Let go and let God.” I personally am not a fan of cliches, because they seem too simple and can gloss over the root issue. As Christians, we know God calls us to trust Him completely, but the truth is—it’s hard. Letting go of fear and trusting God’s plan isn’t always easy or simple, yet it’s one of the most powerful steps we can take in our spiritual journey. Isaiah 41:10 is one of the most powerful reminders: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” We must learn to trust that God’s plans for us are good and that He is faithful to see us through every circumstance. Let go of fear, control, and trust God to be your refuge and strength.

Father God, thank You for reminding me that the safest place to be is always in the center of Your will. I’m releasing control to You today, choosing to remember and believe that You are good, and I can trust You at all times. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

10/03/2025

I am getting amazing results with this therapy!

Trauma can rewire your brain in ways that keep you stuck in survival mode:
Hypervigilant. Anxious. Emotional flashbacks
But there's good news: the brain is also capable of rewiring itself to promote healing.
Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) helps make that possible. By targeting negative images and negative sensations which calm the amygdala, and utilizing your brain’s own process of memory reconsolidation, ART enables the facts to remain while the emotional charge dissolves. New, safe imagery replaces old fears. Overthinking quiets down. Your nervous system learns what it feels like to reset. Reconsolidation means that the brain can interrupt negative thoughts and behaviors so that new positive perspectives are now the focus.
Healing doesn’t erase your story. It changes the way your brain and body carry it, so resilience feels natural instead of forced.
Find an ART-trained therapist near you www.ARTworksnow.com

09/29/2025

Shifting Perspective

Our perspective is based on the way we each individually interpret the things going on inside of us and around us. It is how we view the world and others. Most of our beliefs and narratives about life are based on past experiences. How we perceive a situation can affect our thoughts, emotions and actions. Depression and anxiety aren’t random. They’re reflections of perspective—how we interpret loss, stress, and trauma. Grief isn’t a disorder; it’s love expressed as pain. When we shift perspective, the story changes, and with it, the possibilities for healing comes.

Learning to shift negative perceptions to more positive ones can greatly improve our mental health. It is a skill that can be learned and practiced. Scripture suggests that we view things from a Godly perspective versus a worldly perspective. To “walk by faith, and not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7), and “to keep our minds fixed on things above.”(Colossians 3:2). God’s perspective is perfect and all encompassing, but our human view is limited. By fixing our eyes on Him, we can find hope even when we don’t fully understand what He is doing. We can even find purpose in pain.

Lord, may our perspectives be linked to Your wisdom, insight and the guiding work of the Holy Spirit. Help us to see things from Your perspective and beyond what is natural or understood.

09/23/2025

Is it just me, or does any one else struggle with general statements like, God is our protector? I believe God’s care and protection are real, but is it the kind of protection that I hope for or expect? I admit that I am cynical when reading verses like, “The LORD will protect you from all harm; He will protect your life.” Psalm 121:7 and “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you will not be burned and the flame will not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2
How can I believe those verses when I think of all the children who perished in the flood. Those who have lost their lives in wild fires, or those who have been murdered in school shootings etc….. If God is our protector, why didn’t He protect all these innocent people? We want God to protect us from all bad things, but that is not how life works.
The fact is, God cares more about our spiritual health than our physical health. Our bodies are going to die. Our souls are going to live forever. And God’s ability to protect our souls from eternal judgment and eternal death is more significant than his ability to protect our bodies from disease or death. What does it mean that God protects us? Well, it can’t possibly mean that he shields us from all physical harm, traffic accidents, or even the loss of a loved one. Although, I know from stories and near accidents that He is able and has intervened more times than we know to prevent those things from happening. I also know His Word is true. So, His protection must involve something broader. Could it be that God protects our souls from the total destruction of the enemy. That He guards and guides us through the dark and mysterious unknown, because He knows the way? Psalm 46:1 says, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble," and Isaiah 41:10, reassures us, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God." These verses remind us that God’s presence is constant and He will support us in times of need.