Danielle Austin, LMFT, Shine Counseling Services, LLC

02/07/2026

When we look to other people for approval and direction, setting boundaries can feel nearly impossible!

That’s because sometimes speaking up for what we want (and need) causes others to have to adjust a bit.

If we haven’t been setting boundaries before, they’re probably used to us not…having any.

A little discomfort and surprise is normal (and even to be expected). It’s okay to be lovingly sensitive to this, knowing that everyone’s going to take a minute to learn how to adjust to the changes.

But that’s not what’s happening in this cartoon.

Because the sad fact is that some people can become rather unkind, mean, and disrespectful when we start showing for our lives.

They believe we should continue to revolve around their moods and cater to their wants and needs, even at our cost.

They believe the relationship SHOULD be one-sided.

They will guilt-trip, shame, and otherwise try to bully us into going back to the old ways.

But let’s think about this.

They may call you selfish, but…who’s actually being selfish here?

When a person who wants you to revolve around them (at your cost) gets upset because you are starting to realize that you matter too, it’s honestly a good sign.

Stop taking it as proof you’re doing something wrong. Far from it. You’re on the right track.

That said, do stay safe as you continue to move in the direction of boundaries. Their disapproval will likely continue.

Remember that it’s not selfish to take up space in your one and only life.

Healthy boundaries make space for *everyone* to matter.

That means YOU, too.

❤️

Molly

Want more help with this?
For my free boundaries mini-course, visit:
Https://boundaried.com ✨

02/05/2026

It’s very hard to create the conditions for nervous system regulation when the conditions to hold your mind aren’t there yet.

The nervous system is not influenced first by what the mind thinks or does, but by how you relate to your mind and its patterns.

Here are 2 shifts in how you relate to your mind that deeply support the nervous system and emotional regulation.

1. Identification

What you identify with sends a clear signal to your nervous system about how to respond.

If the inner identity is “I need to fix this,” “I need to change,” “Something is wrong,” "I can't do." Nothing works." "Nothing changes." Even gentle practices can still carry pressure underneath. That identity quietly tells the nervous system to brace, mobilize, freeze or stay alert.

Regulation comes primarily from how you meet, attune to and relate to what's happening inside and outside, including your mind.

2. Authority

For many people, the mind has become the ultimate authority on truth. If the mind says, “You’ll never get better,” it doesn’t feel like a thought. It feels like reality. This reality signals to the nervous system to collapse.

Mind, as the whole authority, comes because we have never been supported in developing inner authority rooted in self-connection, in intuition, wisdom, and autonomy.

So the system learned to outsource truth, worth, and direction solely from the mind, and how the mind has been pushed into survival mode for so long, what comes from the survival mind is the "truth."

Meeting the mind's interpretations, thoughts, and beliefs with a bit of permission and neutrality creates some space. This space gives the nervous system a respite to regulate the body.

If you want to build the capacity to hold your mind with more space, permission, and neutrality, and therefore create more caapcity for somatic regulation, I’d love to invite you into Holding Mind, Holding Body, a live class starting February 5th.

Comment "Clarity" to join the class or visit my profile.

Love,
Ally.

02/04/2026

Recognising the Shape of Neglect

1. When I was hurting as a child, what usually happened next?
Was I comforted, distracted, dismissed, scolded, or left alone?

2. What feelings did I learn were “too much” for the adults around me?

3. When I needed help, did I feel like a burden, an inconvenience, or invisible?

4. What did I have to do to stay connected, be easy, quiet, helpful, funny, invisible?

5. How did I know when a parent or caregiver was emotionally unavailable?
What did their face, voice, or body feel like to me?

6. What did I do with my feelings when no one helped me hold them?

7. Which needs went unmet so often that I stopped noticing them?

How Neglect Lives in the Body Now

8. When I am upset today, what is my first instinct?
Hide it? Fix it alone? Distract? Go numb?

9. How does my body react when I feel emotional pain?
Tight throat? Shallow breath? Collapse? Restlessness?

10. What happens inside when I consider asking someone for support?

11. Do I minimise my own feelings automatically? What phrases do I use internally?

12. Where in my body do I feel the “I’m on my own” sensation?

13. What emotions still feel unsafe to express in front of others?

14. When someone shows care toward me, what happens in my nervous system?
Ease? Suspicion? Tears? Numbness?

The Inner Child’s Survival Wisdom

15. What strengths did I develop because I had to manage alone?
Independence, sensitivity, self-reliance, creativity, watchfulness?

16. What did my younger self do to self-soothe when no adult came?

17. What did I long to hear but rarely did?

18. What did I assume about myself because my needs weren’t met?
“I’m too much.” “I don’t matter.” “I shouldn’t need.”

19. How did I learn to read the emotional weather of others for safety?

Reparenting and Repair

20. When I feel upset now, what would it mean to stay with myself instead of leaving myself?

21. What does comfort feel like in my body, even in small amounts?

22. How can I offer myself the words I once needed?
“I see you.” “That makes sense.” “You’re not alone.”

23. What does safe support look like now — from friends, community, God, nature?

24. What is one small need I can practice acknowledging this week?

25. What boundaries protect the tender parts of me that were once ignored?

26. How can I respond to my feelings with curiosity rather than dismissal?

Relational Healing

27. What fears arise when I let someone see me hurting?

28. What would it feel like to let care come in slowly, at a pace my body trusts?

29. Who in my life now has the capacity to respond differently than my caregivers did?

30. What helps me know the difference between past neglect and present-day relationships?

Integration — From Survival to Presence

31. What does it feel like to believe my needs are real and worthy of response?

32. How does my body respond to the idea that my feelings make sense?

33. What would it mean to measure healing not by “needing less,” but by being able to receive more?

34. Where do I already show tenderness toward others that I am learning to offer myself?

✍️ 🎨 Taken from Voice of Belonging - Aletheia Sophia

02/03/2026

02/03/2026

02/03/2026

What's needed to free our minds from survival overload and make them more receptive:

Uncouple the mind from:

1. "You".

The mind is overburdened from years of being the only source of safety and self.
Your survival mind is an expression of years of living an unlived, unexpressed, survival-based life. In the absence of safety & self-connection, the mind compensates.

Freeing the mind begins when you learn to relate to the mind instead of being it. To say, “This is happening in my mind” instead of “This is me.”

2. Meaning.

When every mental pattern is loaded with meaning, the body stays tense and alert. Freedom grows when you allow thoughts to arise without immediately assigning significance. Sometimes, a thought or a story has to be allowed to be a thought.

3. Worth.

What happens in your mind is not a reflection of your worth.

A judging mind doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.
A distracted mind doesn’t mean you’re failing.
A fearful mind doesn’t mean you’re broken or incapable of change.

4. Shame

The mind is not to be shamed. It’s to be met, seen, heard.

Every pattern in your mind once served a protective purpose. Rumination, distraction, control, analysis, avoidance. These are expressions of survival intelligence, not personal failure.

A shamed mind tightens. A met mind softens.

When the mind is approached with permission instead of judgment, it no longer has to fight for its existence. And this is where mental relief begins.

5. Urgency to do something about it to change it.

This urgency comes when we associate the mind with us and our worth. If the mind thinks "bad thoughts" and I believe those mean something about me or are the whole truth, of course, I want to do something to change the mind.

But the mind doesn’t soften through pressure.

If you feel this speaks to your experience, I invite you into Holding Mind, Holding Body.

This four-week live class is a space to learn how to meet the mind you have now with more clarity, permission, and patience, so regulation, steadiness, and inner ground can arise with abit more ease.

Comment "Clarity" or visit my profile to join.

Love,
Ally.

02/02/2026

5 ways to co-regulate your mind ⬇️

When most of your attention is trapped in mental activity, the nervous system is forced to regulate the mind instead of the whole system.

Co-regulation means intentionally allowing attention to move beyond the mind and toward something else. Not forcefully or controlling. But as an exploration.

When not all of your attention is inside the mind, the system gets relief. And when the system gets relief, unhelpful mental patterns stop being fueled.

So what can this “something else” be?

1. From the mind to the outside.

Let your senses guide you, like letting your eyes land on something neutral or pleasant. Maybe the sky. A plant. Light on a wall. Objects in the room. This works when there's exploration rather than rigidity.

2. From the mind to the body.

You might ask quietly, “What’s present in the body right now?” Or bring attention to a specific place. Your feet. Your hands. Your chest or belly. You might also touch your body to help anchor attention. This works when there's less expectation or urgency for something to change immediately.

3. From the mind to compassion towards the mind.

Meet the mind differently. Let understanding coregulate the mind. Silently say to the mind things like: “I see you.” “It makes sense you’re doing this.” “You’re allowed to be here.” A mind that feels met doesn’t need to push as hard.

4. From the mind to relation

This can be as simple as starting a short conversation with someone or asking someone what movie they've seen recently.

5. From the mind to an activity.

Washing dishes, exercising, painting, dancing, playing, reading, watching a series, cooking.
The more you resonate with the activity, the better.

In February, I'm hosting 4 live classes, Holding Mind, Holding Body, to explore gentle, real pathways to meet your mind with more clarity, permission, and patience.

If something in you feels a quiet yes, come join us and see what shifts when the mind is finally met, not managed.

Comment "Clarity" or visit my profile to join.

Love,
Ally.

02/02/2026

02/02/2026

Stressful meetings, intense conversations, therapy sessions, and any other emotional situation should involve walking. Either during or after. Walking is the body’s most natural way of regulating and processing emotions. It’s how we make sense of what happens to us. The next time you have to talk about something hard, do it while you walk. The next time you need to make an important decision walk on it before you decide

01/29/2026

Just because a wound is loud, repeating, uncomfortable, or screaming for your attention doesn’t automatically mean it’s asking to be more with the wound.

A triggered wound can mean different things at different moments. And learning to discern what it’s asking for is part of healing. This is attunement.

Here are three things a loud wound might be signaling.

1. A call for attention and acknowledgment

Sometimes the wound simply wants to be seen. “I’m here.” “Do you notice me?” Not analyzed. Not fixed. Not explained. Just acknowledged.

When a wound has lived unseen for a long time, being recognized by you can already bring such relief.

2. A sign that there aren’t enough resources right now

A wound can become louder when we focus on it too much, without sufficient internal support.

The system senses the desire for integration, but it also senses that the body, nervous system, or emotional capacity isn’t there yet. That mismatch creates friction. The wound isn’t saying “go deeper.” It’s saying “slow down.” Pace.

If fear, instability, doubt, or collapse arise as you turn toward it, that’s information. The nervous system is requesting additional capacity.

3. A signal that some expression of life energy is being held back. Is not yet expressed or brought to life.

Sometimes a wound becomes loud not because it needs to be processed, revisited, or healed right now, but because life energy is being held back in some other part of you.

The system isn’t asking you to go deeper into the wound. It’s asking more of You to come to life. To speak. To act. To discover. To choose. To create a boundary. To place your energy somewhere alive.

If this is the case, acknowledge the wound, let it feel seen, and say, "That's enough now." Pause and notice where life calls you. What's the You that's held back? That will grow your capacity to hold the wound.

If you want to grow this kind of clarity to discern and better attune to what’s needed in the moment, I’m hosting a live class starting February 5 called Holding Mind, Holding Body.

Comment 'Clarity' or visit my profile to join.

Love,
Ally.