Best Love Secrets by Glenn Taylor

10/30/2024

Something you might be interested in

How We Thought Things Would Be
Expectations in Marriage

Being single, and being married are two different worlds. Whether we are planning a wedding for the first time, or we are starting over in a new relationship, we have our ideas and expectations as to how things will be. Our mental pictures float around in our brain on what marriage will look like.
And even though some of our expectations may be close to reality, others originate in Fantasy Land.
Disappointment, or broken expectation can occur as soon as the wedding night, or the honeymoon. Yes, some couples fight on their long-anticipated romantic honeymoon.

However, during the early stages of marriage, expectations may not be an issue, simply because the couple is totally inundated with the feel-good chemicals in the brain, physical sensations of touch, and the feeling that he or she is perfect and can do no wrong.

But, as time goes on, things will change. Habits that were once overlooked now have become major irritations. Disagreements over money and spending turns into anger and arguments. Communication becomes harder. Physical connection that was once so easy, becomes more complicated and can get pushed to the bottom of the to-do list. Boredom becomes the marital norm.

The greatest loss can be emotional connection that can create an atmosphere of feeling alone, and then finding someone else to talk to.

At this point, either spouse might be thinking, “this is not what I expected marriage to be like. What am I going to do? Am I supposed to be unhappy the rest of my life?”

Five Expectations That Should Be Non-Negotiable

Commitment - a lifetime promise

Integrity - forsaking all others

Genuine Love - a love much deeper that chemistry

Respect - showing honor

Trust - the foundation to all relationships

Do they have self-centered expectations? Avoid this person like Covid.

This person:

Must be the center of attention
Expects s*x on demand
Insists that the passion of early marriage should always be the same
Expects his every need to be met
Expects his spouse to make him happy
Will seldom admit wrong, because he is always right
Will seldom, if ever apologize
May be a controller

Watch out for what you cannot see!

They are there! They are hidden! They will burst upon the scene!

What are they? Hidden expectations!

Hidden expectations are often present because they were integrated into our life in our home of origin. We cannot identify what they are or where they came from. The source could be as simple as, what time do we eat dinner. Or, when do we buy new clothing. How did we decide how to spend, or save money.
And, how did we discuss and resolve problems, if we ever resolved them at all.
It is easy to see that when we marry and start a new life, we carry these expectations with us, and marry a person who has their own expectations.

So, what do we do?

Learn as much about your future spouse as you possibly can. Schedule a time to meet. Both of you have a pen and pad, and ask how each family did things. Make it a fun thing !! Ask about silly stuff and mix in some more serious items.
Become life long students of each other!

To be honest, and realistic, no one can always meet the needs of their spouse. You will fail, you will not always be loving and kind. You will not look your best every day. You will say hurtful words, and honest communication can seem impossible.
Just stick together! Become a team!

And choose love over expectations, always.

07/15/2022

Did I Say That?

The English language is laced with strength, beauty and to a depth without
measure.

However, over the years, we have carelessly used good words in a profoundly inappropriate way.
As the culture continues to fall into a state of corruption, the language of many Americans has followed the trend with more chaotic and degrading usage.
As we dive into these particular words, please hear my heart! I am not condemning, or passing judgment on anyone. My heart and goal with this short post is to motivate, you the reader to ask some yourself some clear, but perhaps uncomfortable questions. We will expand on these later in the post.

There are basically four categories of words that we will briefly look at:

Sewer language
Body parts
Sexuality
Words of Deity

These words are self descriptive. But we will look at them in a more definitive way.
Sewer language refers to the discharge of urine and bowl defecation.
The use of body parts is also easily understood.
The “F” word is tossed around more often than the weather, however, the word cheapens God's plan for healthy and righteous s*x.
The misuse of words of Deity have their origin in Biblical texts; God, Damn, and Hell.
Okay, so what is the content of your use of words?
Think about it!

12/20/2021

MARRIAGE INVOLVES OPPOSITES
THAT MEANS EITHER FRICTION
OR SOME BEAUTIFUL HORMONES

11/18/2021

Infidelity - The Ultimate Betrayal | Part 1

As we approach the dark subject of infidelity, different words come to mind.

The term can be seen as the beginning of a friendship, an inappropriate emotional connection, a progression of emotional bonding, or the peak of erotic s*xual behaviors.

A working definition: innocent conversations that becomes deeply personal and inappropriate, developing into physical contact, covered by secrecy, quickly entering into erotic bonding.

The following points will be unpacked as we take our journey through the different scenarios (in no particular order):

*Most affairs are not planned, and may start with innocent conversations.

*If either partner were asked their opinion of affairs, many would say they are opposed, and would not consider allowing such behavior to become a part of their marriage. Yet they do!

*Affairs may have their origin long before they ever meet their affair partner.

*Close to 90% of all affairs will end and only about 10% will divorce their spouse and marry their affair partner.

*An affair may come as the result of a fantasy high school romance that ended.

*Why are affairs so addictive?

*Why is it so hard to release an affair partner?

How Do Affairs Happen?
There are several situations that can lead two people to a point in their life that can cause years of regret, guilt and shame, but we will look at the most prominent one: the failure of the marriage the person is in. Does that give a husband or wife the right to seek someone else? No, but we are looking at facts, not how they should be.

The first is a breakdown in meaningful communication. The conversation may revolve around the kids, bills, problems, or conflict.

It's not so much about what they are doing wrong in their marriage as it is about what they have stopped doing. The activities they enjoyed in the past have stopped.

To make things worse, they are both exhausted from their work day, so they watch TV, and finally go to bed, hoping to get some rest to start the next day.

They invest almost nothing into each other or their relationship.

Their s*xual relationship becomes a duty instead of a passion. Tensions begin to build because one spouse wants to engage, and the other is too tired, or has lost interest. So, one is pursuing, and the other is avoiding.

One spouse begins to feel lonely, unheard, misunderstood and resentful. It may begin by just wanting someone to talk to, and maybe to one who also has an unfulfilled marriage.

Thus, the seeds for an affair are sown and can become full bloom in a matter of days, weeks, months or even years.

One thing is certain, the whole affair will be carefully wrapped in secrecy.

Is this the only way affairs start? No! We will look at other ways later.

In the next issue we will jump straight into the core of affairs and infidelity.

If you should have any questions, please email me at: newdaycoaching@live.com

11/18/2021

Infidelity - The Ultimate Betrayal | Part 2

Infidelity! One single transgression that can rob a couple of their relationship, their security, their happiness, and their emotional and mental stability.

Infidelity shatters the very definition of love and trust.

But, how can an apparent, innocent friendship outside of marriage evolve into the chaotic state as described above?

The progression of events will answer this question.

As we discussed in Part 1, a husband or wife can become vulnerable to an affair if voids or emptiness invade their marriage due to a self-centered partner who is neglectful in their present relationship.

Please note: To other people, their relationship may appear to be a model marriage. They may have a nice home, new vehicles and a good income. They smile when around other people. One spouse may think they have a good marriage, while the other feels empty, unloved, invalidated and resentful, or angry.

A neglected, resentful and unloved spouse may stay in the relationship for years, especially if they have children. When they try to explain how they feel, their husband or wife gets angry and says “it's all in your head", "you complain too much", "you have everything, what more could you want?”

The thought of getting their needs met with someone else may cross the neglected spouses mind, but they reject the thoughts because of what it would do to their children. However, when the hunger for love, connection, validation, attention, and respect become anger, they are a candidate for an affair.

All they need now is for someone they can talk to about their feelings. If the other person is easy to talk to and understands, the talks will happen more often, and will become deeply personal.

An emotional connection can occur quickly, especially if their new friend is also in a neglectful marriage, and is hungry for something different.

When they begin meeting each other's needs, filling the emptiness that has been present in their marriage, it's not likely that they will stop.

Keep in mind that the whole affair has been wrapped in secrecy and carefully planned so that no one knows. A spouse may suspect something is going on, but has no idea of the depths of what has happened.

Once flirting, sensual touching and caressing has started, it is most likely that erotic s*xual activity will become a center piece of their meetings.

Affair partners have stated that when s*xual in*******se occurs, the intense feelings are above anything they have ever experienced.

There seems to be two ingredients that make s*xual in*******se so explosive. One is the fact that their experience is wrong and prohibited. This causes extreme tension, and when coupled with strong emotional connection, the second ingredient, the experience is far above expectation.

Even though the physical connection reaches unbelievable heights, one, or both affair partners may begin to feel guilt, shame and regret.

However, it is not likely at this point that the erotic encounters will stop!

Affair partners may begin to rationalize their behaviors with statements like these.

“This is the first time in 10 years that I have felt alive.”

“I'm more positive about my life now than I have ever been.”

“What is so bad about enjoying life for a change?”

“Some people might say this is wrong, but I I have been living in a dead marriage for so many years, I think I deserve to be happy.”

Will they live happily ever after? No, the affair will end!

After emotional fog clears, one or the other will see that their affair partner was not at all perfect, in fact, they will probably seek ways to get out of the relationship.

Their marriage partner will eventually find out and see the cesspool their spouse has been playing in, and then things will not be good!

Other vital subjects:
How to handle relapses
How to get over the addiction
How to help the wounded spouse that was left behind
How to begin reconciliation with your spouse

For more Information contact: Glenn Taylor, PhD

Email: newdaycoaching@live.com

08/09/2021

Anger can be upsetting, but being hurt internally can feel like an attack on one's inner feelings and person.

Check out the latest blog post on how to apologize to the one you hurt.

06/03/2021

What Women Need Most
(A Challenge to Men)

Far above money, a house, love and family, there is one word that says it all!

The word is: Trustworthiness -- not perfection, not money or status! Trust is the foundation of every and all relationships.

You are what you say you are
You do what you say you will do
You are reliable
You are accountable
You are a man of character and integrity
There is no reason to hide your phone
You will protect her from danger, and protect her emotionally

What makes her feel safe emotionally?

Through emotional connection with you
This is accomplished by attentive listening, without distractions (checking your phone, or checking out other females)
Never try to fix her, or offer solutions to the way she feels
Understanding her heart more than her words

No matter what she is saying, the goal is understanding. When you are both emotionally connected, there will be less fighting, and more (and better) s*x.

Be her protection against the cultural lies about beauty.

Everyday she will be exposed to women whose body and appearance are perfect online and on TV (how the culture, or media says they should look). She cannot compete with what she sees.

Give her full body hugs! Assure her that of all the women in the world, you would choose to be married to her!

05/12/2021

How We Thought Things Would Be
Expectations in Marriage

Being single, and being married are two different worlds. Whether we are planning a wedding for the first time, or we are starting over in a new relationship, we have our ideas and expectations as to how things will be. Our mental pictures float around in our brain on what marriage will look like.
And even though some of our expectations may be close to reality, others originate in Fantasy Land.
Disappointment, or broken expectation can occur as soon as the wedding night, or the honeymoon. Yes, some couples fight on their long-anticipated romantic honeymoon.

However, during the early stages of marriage, expectations may not be an issue, simply because the couple is totally inundated with the feel-good chemicals in the brain, physical sensations of touch, and the feeling that he or she is perfect and can do no wrong.

But, as time goes on, things will change. Habits that were once overlooked now have become major irritations. Disagreements over money and spending turns into anger and arguments. Communication becomes harder. Physical connection that was once so easy, becomes more complicated and can get pushed to the bottom of the to-do list. Boredom becomes the marital norm.

The greatest loss can be emotional connection that can create an atmosphere of feeling alone, and then finding someone else to talk to.

At this point, either spouse might be thinking, “this is not what I expected marriage to be like. What am I going to do? Am I supposed to be unhappy the rest of my life?”

Five Expectations That Should Be Non-Negotiable

Commitment - a lifetime promise

Integrity - forsaking all others

Genuine Love - a love much deeper that chemistry

Respect - showing honor

Trust - the foundation to all relationships

Do they have self-centered expectations? Avoid this person like Covid.

This person:

Must be the center of attention
Expects s*x on demand
Insists that the passion of early marriage should always be the same
Expects his every need to be met
Expects his spouse to make him happy
Will seldom admit wrong, because he is always right
Will seldom, if ever apologize
May be a controller

Watch out for what you cannot see!

They are there! They are hidden! They will burst upon the scene!

What are they? Hidden expectations!

Hidden expectations are often present because they were integrated into our life in our home of origin. We cannot identify what they are or where they came from. The source could be as simple as, what time do we eat dinner. Or, when do we buy new clothing. How did we decide how to spend, or save money.
And, how did we discuss and resolve problems, if we ever resolved them at all.
It is easy to see that when we marry and start a new life, we carry these expectations with us, and marry a person who has their own expectations.

So, what do we do?

Learn as much about your future spouse as you possibly can. Schedule a time to meet. Both of you have a pen and pad, and ask how each family did things. Make it a fun thing !! Ask about silly stuff and mix in some more serious items.
Become life long students of each other!

To be honest, and realistic, no one can always meet the needs of their spouse. You will fail, you will not always be loving and kind. You will not look your best every day. You will say hurtful words, and honest communication can seem impossible.
Just stick together! Become a team!

And choose love over expectations, always.

03/19/2021

Managing Our Differences In Marriage

No matter how much a couple loves each other, there is one irrefutable fact that remains a constant.

Married couples are different from each other.

During engagement and early months of marriage, the differences are not so obvious, and may not feel like they will cause disagreements or conflicts. But, in the latter parts of the first year together, things can begin to change. And, from that point on, the atmosphere can begin to feel heavy.

Before we dive in to the origin and effects of marital differences, we need to take a look at a general overview of this important subject.

-Differences can be an asset, or rip a couple apart.
-Hostile encounters over differences can produce deep emotional wounds.
-Differences can become a couple's greatest strength.

Why are men and women so different?

The following information are excerpts from Dr. Daniel G. Amen. M.D., "The Brain In Love".

Different From Conception

The moment of conception determines gender. Males get an X chromosome from their mother, and a Y from father (XY).

Females get an X chromosome from both mom and dad (XX).

The difference plays a huge role in couple relationships and cannot be ignored, or passed over.

From early infancy, girl brains are more interested in smiling, communicating, people, and security.

The boys brain is more interested in objects, actions, and competition, with with higher levels of testosterone. The Parietal Lobes responsible for sense of direction, visualizing objects, good for catching a football and mathematics.

Without testosterone, the language centers of the brain are more developed, which is why girls like to talk, and boys like to go play catch.

In addition, the testosterone beefs up the area of the brain that is interested in s*x. This area is twice as large in men than in women.

He really is interested in s*x, but this is not to say that women are not. Females have the capacity to not only enjoy s*x, but also to have a much higher degree of physical sensation and prolonged pleasure.

Women are much less likely to express their dissatisfaction with the s*xual experience to their husbands, and may suggest to a therapist not to mention it to their husbands.

The Gender Difference in Communication

Men tend to be left-brained in approaching life, while woman tend to use both sides of the brain more often than men. This is very important in helping us to understand a major difference when it comes to attempting to communicate during times of conflict.

Men tend to be detail-oriented and more directly to the point.

Women tend to use both sides and to be more fluent, which may mean they have more to say.

When husbands and wives get into an argument, their hemisphere activation style often make things much worse.
Women have a tendency to have an explanation and use more words. Men can get irritated and say hurtful words like “what's your point, “or “specifically, what do you want?"

The major point that we must emphasize is: It's not a matter of right or wrong, just different!

God has created us to be like we are! We must accept that!

Some helpful practices to lessen the degree of conflict of differences:

-Seek unity, not uniformity. You are not the same and never will be. Even though you have become one flesh, you are still individuals.

-Respect the other person's views, opinions and perceptions.

-Never attempt to guilt your spouse into being like you.

-Choose each other over your differences.

-Become a team, working together for common goals.

Marriage is not 50/50! It is about giving yourself 100% even when you may not feel like it, or, when your spouse does not reciprocate.

“But I married the person that God intended me to marry.”

Hopefully, you did, however, that does not change the fact that you are still individuals, and still face the same challenges as other couples.

Have you ever thought of how boring your relationship would be, if you were both alike?