12/26/2025
From Gary Sturgis – Surviving Grief:
"The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, warmth, and celebration, but for anyone grieving, they can open up an ache that feels impossible to name. There’s no shortage of advice out there about how to “manage” grief this time of year, and I can relate.
But losing someone I love has taught me something different: grief isn’t something you manage, and it certainly isn’t something you fix.
I’ve come to realize the only thing you can truly do in grief is surrender. As I moved through my own loss, I repeated to myself, “I surrender myself to this process.”
It makes me think about how to surrender during the holidays.
What does it really mean to surrender to grief, especially during a time when society expects us to be joyful, social, and ‘okay’?
I don’t think it’s a matter of giving up when we surrender, but more about giving in to what our heart is already carrying. During a season filled with traditions, gatherings, and pressure to feel festive, surrender can be an act of self-compassion, a practice of being gentle with ourselves as we navigate the deep challenges of life and loss.
To surrender to grief is to let yourself feel what you feel without apology. It’s choosing presence over performance. It’s allowing the sadness, the numbness, the longing, and not treating any of it as something to fix or hide so you don’t ‘ruin the holidays.’
We often treat grief like a problem to solve. If we cry enough, talk enough, stay busy enough, maybe we’ll eventually ‘feel better.’ But there’s nothing fixable about grief. And trying to fix the unfixable becomes another way of abandoning ourselves.
Recognizing that the loss of someone we love can change us in ways we can’t control. And meeting those changes with softness rather than resistance. In that sense, surrender becomes a form of care, a way to practice self-compassion. It creates the space needed for transformation: the quiet unfolding into someone new.
Here’s the thing…the people who supported me the most after my loss were the ones who simply sat with me.
They didn’t try to fix anything or offer perfect words. They were just there, bearing witness to my pain. And truly, nobody can make grief better, but they can make sure we don’t sit in it alone. This is the essence of compassion: being present, offering space, and honoring the process without judgment.
And maybe the most powerful lesson is that when you make space for pain, you make space for love.
If you’re grieving this holiday season, I invite you to move when you can. Rest when it’s needed. Tend to something small. Sit with someone who loves you.
Because grief is just a form of love…so let yourself surrender to what it is.
