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Rising Above Adversity, Lakewood Main Street, Bradenton, Myakka City, FL (2026)

12/29/2025

As 2025 draws to a close, I want to leave this post here to hopefully help others navigate into an emotionally successful 2026 for themselves and their homes. Often, we fail to realize that our social circle may be filled with nonsense because we don’t identify who to distance ourselves from or who to keep around.

I’ve discussed narcissists, narcissism, its meaning, and the negative impact these individuals suffering from the illness can have on others. This time, I’d like to focus on flying monkeys and their roles.

FLYING MONKEYS: HOW COVERT NARCISSISTS RECRUIT “GOOD PEOPLE” TO DO DIRTY WORK

Let me put you all on game…

Many people believe covert narcissists are dangerous because of their actions.

Nah.

They’re dangerous because of what they can get others to do for them.

That’s where flying monkeys come in.

Flying monkeys are the individuals a covert narcissist recruits to:
• carry messages
• spy
• apply pressure
• shame you
• “check you”
• defend them
• attack your character
• and perform the dirty work… while the narcissist sits back looking innocent.

And the chilling part?

Many flying monkeys aren’t “evil people.” Some of them are actually good people… just emotionally hijacked and manipulated.

So, how do covert narcissists trick people into becoming flying monkeys?

1) They begin with a “concern story.”

They don’t say: “Help me destroy them.” Instead, they say:
“I’m worried about them…”
“I don’t know what happened to them…”
“They’ve been acting differently…”
“I tried so hard…”

They weaponize sympathy.

2) They smear you with selective truth.

They tell a story that begins at the moment you finally reacted.

They leave out:
• the gaslighting
• the disrespect
• the boundary crossing
• the years of pressure

So, you appear “crazy,” while they look “calm.”

3) They recruit “helpers” and “fixers.”

They target people who hate conflict and love peace.

The “peacemakers.”
The “church folks.”
The “family elder.”
The “mutual friend.”
The “therapist-type.”

People who believe they’re helping… not realizing they’re being used.

4) They use moral guilt as a leash.

They’ll say things like:
“Don’t you care about family?”
“Real friends don’t abandon people.”
“You know how they are… just be the bigger person.”

Now, the flying monkey feels noble for pushing you to tolerate disrespect.

5) They reward loyalty and punish neutrality.

This is significant.

If someone is neutral, the narcissist will pressure them:
“So, you believe THEM?”
“I see where you stand.”
“Wow… I didn’t know you were like that.”

People often choose a side to avoid becoming the next target.

6) They make it feel like a mission.

They’ll frame you as the villain and themselves as the victim.

Now, the flying monkeys feel like:
“I’m protecting them.”
“I’m standing up for what’s right.”

Meanwhile, they’re helping a predator maintain control.

7) They hide their hands.

They’ll never explicitly instruct the flying monkeys to do anything that appears evil.

Instead, they’ll say:
“I’m not telling you what to do…”
“I don’t want drama…”
“I’m just hurt…”

But somehow, people start attacking you for them anyway.

That’s the trick.

They appear innocent while everyone else becomes the weapon.

⸻

HOW YOU KNOW YOU’RE DEALING WITH FLYING MONKEYS
• They repeat the narcissist’s exact talking points.
• They ignore your facts but demand your “tone.”
• They pressure you to “forgive” without accountability.
• They act like boundaries are cruelty.
• They want access to you more than they want truth.
• They only show up when the narcissist is losing control.

And here’s the hard truth:

A flying monkey is dangerous, even if they’re a “good person.”
Because a good heart with bad information can still cause serious damage.

So, protect your nervous system.

Don’t argue with the monkeys.
Don’t beg to be understood.
Don’t defend yourself to a group that has already chosen a story.

Starve the circus.
Truth doesn’t need a crowd to be true.

HAVE AN EXCELLENT 2026 🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

12/08/2025

While juggling a nine-to-five job, building a business, and raising my children, I developed an obsessive need to keep my home spotless. My ex-husband would sometimes say “we need a house to live in and another one just to look at”.

From packing backpacks for the next day, arranging outfits, cleaning counters and the laundry better be folded and put away, to sorting mail and cleaning floors, every task helped my nervous system rid of the nervous energy constantly flowing through my body. During the sale of our home, my realtor shared the buyer’s comments about the cleanliness of our place, where we had lived for over ten years. Little did I know that this cleaning and organizing obsession stemmed from childhood trauma from the abuse I experienced during my childhood and through my lifetime. I also had no idea of the internal work I needed to do to finally rest my mind.

An obsession with cleanliness is often linked to narcissistic abuse, and this is why…

When you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, your world feels unpredictable, unstable, and unsafe. Narcissists thrive on creating chaos—emotionally, mentally, and even physically—because the more confusion they cause, the more control they maintain over you. In such an environment, you’re constantly walking on eggshells, never knowing what version of them you’ll encounter or what small action might trigger an outburst. Over time, this training teaches your nervous system to remain constantly alert, constantly searching for ways to minimize conflicts and maintain some semblance of order amidst chaos.

This is where cleanliness and control come into play. For many survivors, cleaning and organizing become more than just chores; they become coping mechanisms. Every clean surface, every neatly arranged drawer, every carefully controlled space offers a sense of calm and predictability that was missing during the abuse. It’s a way to remind themselves, “Here, I am safe. Here, I decide what stays and what goes. Here, I am in control.” What might appear as a simple habit of tidiness to outsiders often holds a much deeper meaning for survivors.

A spotless home becomes a symbol—not just about dust and clutter, but about reclaiming power that was once stripped away. It’s about healing through structure, soothing a traumatized nervous system, and creating an environment where peace replaces chaos. To some, it may seem like “obsession,” but for survivors, it’s survival—the body and mind’s way of saying, “Never again will I live in that kind of disorder.”

For many survivors, cleanliness isn’t about perfection; it’s about freedom. It’s about creating a sanctuary where their inner world can finally breathe.

11/20/2025

This book is focused on childhood trauma with basic key steps to follow when working on overcoming abuse and PTSD. It speaks about how early childhood experiences can forever shape our present and future, while assisting in helping you understand and recognize the traumas you have faced, as well as bringing closure to your insecurities and family fewds.

Rising Above Adversity, explains how our suffering often stem from betrayal coming from loved ones. Betrayal is a painful experience, especially when it comes from people we trust, but one thing to keep in mind is that other’s behavior It’s a reflection of their character and choices, not a reflection of our worth.

Trust is something we give with our heart, not our mind. We trust because we see the good in someone, choose to believe in their intentions, and think the bond we share is stronger than anything that could tear us apart. When that trust is violated, it shakes us to the core and makes us question everything, not just them, but sometimes even ourselves.

However, betrayal doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust again. It just means you should trust yourself first. Trust your intuition, the lessons you’ve learned, the fact that emotionally healthy people exist, and that what you lost is nothing compared to what you will gain when you surround yourself with genuine, loyal, and true people.

Stay strong, protect your heart, and remember: betrayal may change you, but don’t let it harden you. Let it guide you, elevate you, and make you wiser.

You can access Rising Above Adversity - Healing and Nurturing Your Inner Child through our website areliscalkins.com, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kindle and Audible.

We’re also available through the Miami Dade’s Library System. Please also visit my website areliscalkins.com and sign up for my newsletter where I share my lifestyle and healing outlets such as cooking recipes, interior decorating tips and spiritual practices.

Love and light
❤️💡

04/25/2025

The heart-brain disconnect

A heart-brain disconnect is exactly what it sounds like. Your brain (aka your mind, your thinking processes, etc) operates on a completely separate, independent, and disconnected trajectory than your heart (your intuition, emotions, feelings, etc) does. You often don’t understand why this is happening and tend to stay in unfullfilling relationships wheter it be a love interest, friendship or career. You live your life leading either with your brain or your heart, but not a healthy marriage of the two, and oftentimes ignoring the reasons behind your sufferings or lack of success.

As a result of our “tech neck,” most of us stand, sit, and walk with our heads leaning forward. In other words, we mostly live our lives with our brain and mind leading the way without considering how these decisions/actions/words can impact ourselves and others on an emotional level.

Here are a few examples of a heart-brain disconnect with the head/mind leading the way:

•Making decisions based solely on logistics, numbers, and hard data without considerations of how your decisions may negatively impact others

•Always looking ahead to the future — worrying, strategizing, without paying attention to the positivity and abundance of your present moment

•Sticking to a task/job just because you “should,” while harboring, and even suppressing, resentment towards it

•Going through specific motions of life because that’s what is expected of you, without checking in with yourself whether they feed or deplete you.

Do you identify with any of these heart-brain disconnect examples? Can you think of any more in your own life? If so, I wrote a book that can light the path to understanding the reasons behind this heart and mind disconnection.

Rising Above Adversity—Healing and Nurturing your Inner Child, is a no-fiction book. In this book, you’ll find a collection of my life’s journey, while exploring the many mental illnesses and personality disorders that are affecting our society, and lighting the path to healing through spirituality, understanding, mindfulness and forgiveness. I wrote this book to help anyone who may be emotionally struggling with circumstances behind of their control, and looking to heal their wounded inner child.

I hope you’ll take the time to read it, and free your heart and mind from any hidden pain.

Love and light,
Arelis Calkins ❤️💡

04/15/2025

One of the many reasons to read my book Rising Above Adversity — Healing and Nurturing your Inner Child, is because as humans, we tend to get stuck in life. Oftentimes not able to find a fulfilling career, purpose, relationships or reasons behind repeating toxic patterns. In my book, you’ll find real life stories that may bring light to your own struggles and heartaches, while exploring the reasons behind our suffering and lack of happiness as you learn about the importance of having healthy boundaries in place, or the reasons for having none, as well as how to find happiness through the power of understanding, mindfulness and forgiveness.

Ready to begin your healing journey? This book will serve as a guide to understand that often, listening to your inner child can help you along the path to achieving peace within yourself. If you’re just starting your healing journey, or are curious about healing techniques, you may have noticed people talking about their “inner child.” But what exactly does that mean? For me, understanding and reconnecting with my inner child has been one of the most powerful parts of my healing journey. It’s helped me better understand myself, my triggers, my joy, and the parts of me that still needed love and attention, even as an adult.

To assist on your healing journey, I want to invite you to take a closer look at your inner child and explore how nurturing that part of you might bring comfort, clarity, and even joy into your life.
What is Your Inner Child?
Your inner child is that part of you shaped by your earliest experiences — the good, the bad, the joyful, the painful. It holds your childhood memories, your dreams, your fears, your values, and even your wonder.
It’s often part of your subconscious — reacting to things before your logical, adult brain can even catch up. Have you ever smelled your grandmother’s perfume and instantly felt comforted? Or gotten unexpectedly excited over a childhood snack or favorite movie? That’s your inner child shining through.
But your inner child also remembers the moments that were hard to process when you were young — moments where you felt abandoned, unheard, unsafe, or unloved. And those moments can quietly shape how we react to things even today.
How Your Inner Child Shows Up In Your Life
The truth is: your inner child wants to protect you. But when that part of you is hurting or unhealed, it can show up in ways that actually hold you back or keep you stuck in old patterns. Maybe you’ve noticed certain reactions that feel bigger than necessary for the situation. That’s often a clue your inner child is responding—not your wise, grounded adult self.

For example, if you grew up feeling neglected or abandoned, someone showing up 10 or 15 minutes late or canceling plans might trigger overwhelming feelings of rejection. You might feel anger, sadness, or anxiety flooding in — even though the adult part of you knows that there are rational reasons why plans change and it doesn’t mean you’re unloved.

Unhealed inner child wounds can show up in so many ways:
•Negative self-talk
•Fear of abandonment or rejection
•Low self-esteem
•Difficulty setting healthy boundaries
•Overwhelming guilt or shame
•Struggles in relationships
•People-pleasing tendencies
•Anxiety, depression, or PTSD
•Avoiding conflict or shutting down emotionally
•Addictive behaviors or unhealthy coping mechanisms
•Feeling disconnected from joy, playfulness, and curiosity

Learning How to Nurture Your Inner Child and healing your inner child begins with awareness. Sometimes, it’s like imagining talking to a younger version of yourself. It’s about getting curious, not judgmental, about your reactions and patterns. Ask yourself: “Where did I first feel this? What might my younger self have needed at that moment?” This work isn’t always easy. It asks you to look at the wounds and the stories you’ve carried for a long time. But the beautiful thing is — when you tend to those old hurts with compassion, you begin to free yourself from them. You start to create a new way of being—one rooted in love, understanding, and gentleness toward yourself.

So how do you begin healing and reconnecting with this part of you? Sometimes it’s as simple as allowing yourself to play again. Dance in your kitchen. Watch that movie you loved when you were eight. Order dessert just because. Run barefoot in the grass. And sometimes, it’s deeper work — like learning to trust again, setting boundaries you never learned to set, or rewriting the narrative in your head that says you’re not enough. It’s all about finding what your child wants, craves, or was denied, and giving yourself permission to enjoy it.

Ways You Can Reconnect With Your Inner Child, or learning to “reparent” your inner child, can help you recover from old wounds and learn to move forward. It’s also about turning your inner child into a source of strength, using it to reconnect with unconditional love and happiness. Here are a few ideas to help you get started:

•Be creative, like coloring, painting, •doodling, or building something
Play board games, puzzles, and silly •dances
•Revisit your childhood favorites: books, music, movies, snacks
•Journal or write a letter to your younger self
•Look through old photos or keepsakes
•Spend time in nature
•Spend time around children
•Let yourself daydream
•Seek therapy or coaching to guide your healing
•Remember: reconnecting with your inner child isn’t about being immature. It’s about wholeness. It’s about honoring every version of you — the child you were and the adult you’ve become.

If this topic speaks to your heart, I encourage you to read my book Rising Above Adversity: Healing and Nurturing Your Inner Child. It’s my own story of facing the wounds from my past, learning to nurture my inner child, and finding my way back to joy and wholeness. You can also explore my website areliscalkins.com for more guidance on your healing journey or to explore the passions that help me connect with my inner child.
Healing takes time. It takes love. But most of all, it takes a willingness to see yourself fully and love yourself anyway. You are worthy of that love. And your inner child is waiting to feel it too.

Love and Light,
Arelis Calkins

09/02/2024

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/HwN7dAhBPnz4tsfg/?mibextid=WC7FNe

08/07/2024

My cactus man…
He was a man who bore on his skin and in his soul the marks of a loveless childhood, a life of emotional aridity.
Since childhood, he had learned to protect himself from the world with an armor of thorns, displaying a tough and distant exterior.

She was fragile, sweet, extremely protected, the spoiled orchid of a sweet gardener.
And she saw him like this, distant, unattainable, indomitable and without paying attention to common sense, she set out to conquer him, even when each approach meant a clear possibility of being hurt.

It was not easy.
However, she saw beyond his exterior…
I saw the boy who was still looking for affection, the man who was afraid of giving himself or being loved. He never learned to hug, he was clumsy when it came to loving,
As time passed, he began to open up, letting her discover the flowers hidden in his desert. In her company, he found an oasis, a place where he could be himself without fear of rejection.

She called him her “cactus man” and he became the water that quenched his thirst for affection, that hydrated, softening his hard thorns, she made him feel loved, she made him smile, she made him forget...
He had grown up without caresses or kind words, without the hugs that warm the soul, and suddenly a sweet orchid took the risk of hugging him and the defeated one allowed himself to be tamed.

❤️💡

08/03/2024

Coming soon to Amazom, Barnes & Noble, Audiable, Apple and other retailers

The time to heal has never been more perfect ❤️💡

07/19/2024

My glorious goodness 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🏕️🏡

06/12/2024

❤️❤️❤️

Rising Above Adversity

12/29/2025

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