08/20/2021
Non-Resistance vs Avoidance .
Strategies we use to cope with difficult situations, problems, or conflict.
Some people take things head on. They wrestle with their problems immediately. Sometimes that works. Sometimes they are successful. Sometimes they make mistakes they live to regret.
I have taken many approaches to problem solving over the years. I would like to discuss two very common that, at face value, appear very similar, but actually are worlds apart.
Non-resistance is an age old technique. Avoidance is a classic tactic that people have been using since the dawn of time.
Really, they both look like you aren't doing anything. To the exterior view, they both seem like you might be ignoring the problem. Let's take a deeper look.
Avoidance is much like putting your head in the sand, and hoping whatever is wrong will just go away, end, or solve itself. It is a willfully passive method of simply not engaging issues, at all. You simply refuse to play any part in the solution. There are a myriad of motives behind this. It can be stress, it can be a lack of concern, it can be fear, or any number of things. One this it is NOT, is conscious awareness. Avoidance is NEVER the well planned, carefully thought out, and purposeful attempt to get through a situation. For whatever reason a person closes their eyes and holds their breath while they wait for the storm to pass, it is never the actions of mature insightful intention.
So what, then, is non-resistance? Doesn't that mean you just sit there passively and let what will be, be? No. Not at all. Not even a little bit.
Let's look at a few things.
Let's look at the serenity prayer.
(God), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
It is often said, you should choose your battles wisely. This is an example. A huge part of non-resistance is knowing which things are in your power to change, or affect, and which are not. That is an enormous part of it.
You see, PRACTICING Non-Resistance, it is a practice, it is something you PRACTICE. You work at it, you grow in it. You learn to look closely at things and judge, with wisdom, whether or not expending energy and time will make a difference, or whether sitting back and allowing things to unfold in their own time is best. It is anything but passive, it is a VERY active practice. It requires sensitivity and mindfulness. You learn to ACT not RE-ACT.
For instance, in an argument with a co-worker. You might feel the need to press your point until they bend to your way of thinking, that might be your inclination. But using mindful awareness, you ask yourself, is it really worth it, what will this accomplish, if I keep fighting this person will it make things better, or worse. Truly truly, what you resist, persists. The harder you fight, quite often, the more you will meet resistance. If you can relax, let things go, let things flow, and just ease into a place of compassion, understanding, and peacefulness, it will more than likely dispel all the negativity caused by the conflict.
You really have to learn to live life on life's terms, as you also develop the ability to manifest your own desires, dreams, and goals. When you are faced with a problem, rather that avoiding it, and hoping it goes away, learn to develop the practice of evaluating outcomes, thinking about different actions, or non-actions, and seek insight into which way to handle things. Honestly, sometimes it does turn out that putting your head in the sand actually is the best plan of attack, but only after careful evaluation of the situation.
Non-resistance can be very emotionally costly. A huge part of you is saying FIGHT! SAY THIS< SAY THAT! DO SOMETHING! You are on fire with the need to lash out, or strike back, or duck and run, or any number of things. So with this inner turbulence, you gently turn to face the outer tempest, and you learn to weather both the inner, and the outer storms. At some point along the line, you do develop the wisdom to know the difference, and to know when to sit back, actively, and be an observer, and when to wade in, and be a warrior.
Practice active non-resistance, NOT passive avoidance. There is peace and true hope in the one, and nothing but the chance consequences of uneducated and immature disconnection from reality in the other. Avoidance is often procrastination, whereas non-resistance is a pragmatic pause.
Non-resistance, when practiced right, allows you to not only engage reality, but often even change it. It is powered and fueled by conscious intention, which, when coupled by correct love and understanding, is the very most transformative power in all the universe. Avoidance falls flat on it's face in comparison. You are not living your life, life is living for you.
Resonate.
