12/10/2025
Something I hear from many of my clients is that they struggle with feeling guilty… a LOT. This is not uncommon for folks that have experienced some sort of complex or childhood trauma. So I want to unpack a little bit of what is guilt vs what is actually another emotional experience- shame.
Guilt is feeling “I did something wrong”. It’s overall an adaptive emotion that helps us maintain a conscience and make amends when we’ve harmed someone. It should pass when we’ve taken corrective action after an actual mistake or error.
Shame is feeling “I am wrong”. It’s feeling like there’s something inherently wrong with me if, for example, I’ve made a real or imagined mistake, have a need, or perceive someone is upset with me. It usually does not pass, even with corrective action or reassurance. Shame is not considered adaptive or useful in the same way the guilt could be. It’s a trauma response and working with it often involves addressing beliefs about worthiness and belonging.
If you find yourself struggling with feeling chronic “guilt” that seems out of proportion to any particular situation, you might be struggling with a deeper wound around shame.
Remember, you are still good enough even if you mess up!
