Amy L. Fiedler

Amy L. Fiedler đŸŒ±Providing you tools + guidance for navigating your post traumatic life + relationships.

A lot of the people I support don’t realize they’re not actually “helping” or “being thoughtful” in those moments
They’r...
11/05/2025

A lot of the people I support don’t realize they’re not actually “helping” or “being thoughtful” in those moments


They’re actually bracing and trying to get ahead of someone else’s emotions so they don’t have to feel blindsided by them.

When you grow up around unpredictability or emotional intensity, your body learns:
“If I manage the room, I can protect myself.” That gives you a sense of control in what was otherwise an uncontrollable situation.

So even now, as an adult, your impulse might be to smooth tension, buffer conflict, and make sure everyone else is okay before you sit down and exhale.

This is one of the core shifts I walk my clients through, especially around the holidays - moving from monitoring everyone else’s emotional state to building internal steadiness so they can stay anchored in their own.

It doesn’t happen by forcing yourself to “not care.” It happens by slowly teaching your body what safety feels like from the inside, so you don’t have to outsource it to the room anymore.

If this resonates, you’re not alone.

You learned to survive chaos.
Now your work is learning how to survive peace -
and eventually, feel safe enough to enjoy it.

More support for this is coming this month - I’m putting together a Holiday Boundaries Playbook to help you stay rooted in yourself instead of slipping into old survival roles this season. 🎁 Stay tuned right here!

11/04/2025

The skill you’re learning here is self-attunement - learning to recognize the difference between danger and discomfort in your body.

The difference between a trigger and an opportunity to repair with yourself.

For more support, keep following and use the link in my comments to access my resourcesđŸ€

Self-blame usually develops as a survival strategy.When you grew up, dated, or lived in environments where no one took a...
11/03/2025

Self-blame usually develops as a survival strategy.

When you grew up, dated, or lived in environments where no one took accountability or conflict felt unsafe or unpredictable. Where repair didn’t happen or you were punished for having needs.

Your nervous system learned that feeling out of control made you powerless and that isn’t safe.

So self-blame became a strategy to protect yourself.

Because if it’s your fault, you can

- fix it
- smooth it out
- stay connected
- avoid backlash or punishment
- prevent abandonment

This was self-protection but it was disguised as responsibility.

And for a long time, that worked
and probably worked well.
As in it kept you safe enough to survive relationships where repair wasn’t an option.

But now? You’re not in the same life anymore.

And the instinct to collapse into blaming yourself doesn’t protect you - it just disconnects you from yourself.

As we head into the holiday season, where old roles, old patterns, and old family dynamics try to pull you back into who you used to be
remember this


You don’t need to carry the emotional labor this time.
You don’t need to be the one who holds everything together.
You don’t need to blame yourself to feel safe in your connection with others (and if you do, the connection probably isn’t safe).

You get to stay with yourself now.
Not out of fear but out of self-trust!!

We’re not going back into survival for the holidays. đŸ–€

11/01/2025

If you don’t believe you’re allowed to take up space, have needs or inconvenience someone even slightly - your nervous system will choose appeasement over self-expression every time.

When you grow up managing other people’s emotions to stay safe, your body doesn’t just forget it.So even in healthy rela...
10/31/2025

When you grow up managing other people’s emotions to stay safe, your body doesn’t just forget it.

So even in healthy relationships, your nervous system can still feel responsible for every emotional shift, bit of silence, sigh, or change in their tone.

And that doesn’t mean you’re “too sensitive” or “too much.” It means your system did what it had to do, and now it’s learning what it never got to learn which is how to stay with yourself, even when someone else has feelings.

This is the phase of healing most people aren’t prepared for
.not just surviving chaos but relearning safety in connection. In a healthy connection!

Not disappearing to keep peace but building internal steadiness that lets you stay present without abandoning yourself.

It’s nuanced work.
And it’s the work I do with clients every day.

If you’re ready to build internal safety and self-trust inside your relationships - not by avoiding emotional moments, but by staying anchored through them - today is the final day of 2025 to apply for 1:1 support.

After today, new client applications will be paused until after the new year.

If this resonates, apply through the link in my bio before doors close. 💛

When survivors of abuse enter genuinely safe relationships, it’s common to feel ‘exposed’.Because the relationship is ma...
10/30/2025

When survivors of abuse enter genuinely safe relationships, it’s common to feel ‘exposed’.

Because the relationship is making them aware of the pain they never had space to feel before and the survival patterns that are no longer needed, but were necessary in the past.

You’re not more “damaged” now - you’re just finally in an environment where your nervous system doesn’t have to stay in fight-or-flight.

And when the body slows down, it starts showing you everything that needs support, care and compassion.

That shame that floods in when you misstep or react is an invitation to meet yourself with compassion instead of criticism.

The skill you’re learning here is self-attunement - learning to recognize the difference between danger and discomfort in your body
the difference between a trigger and an opportunity to repair with yourself.

This is the work I help trauma survivors do every day 1:1 - learning to hold space for their own reactions with curiosity instead of judgment, so they can build self-trust instead of shame.

Tomorrow (10/31) is the final day of 2025 to apply to work with me as a new 1:1 client. I will not be reopening new client applications until 2026. Application is linked right in my bio - once you fill it out, I will be in touch within 24 to 48 hours with next steps!

I see this in a lot of my sessions with trauma survivors who were taught that apologies fix everything.So when someone s...
10/29/2025

I see this in a lot of my sessions with trauma survivors who were taught that apologies fix everything.

So when someone says “I’m sorry,” they want to believe it but their body doesn’t always agree.

Because for many of us who experienced unsafe relationships, the apology was just the pause before the next hurt happened.

Accountability isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being predictable in how you repair. It’s about owning your impact, understanding what needs to change,
and showing, over time, that your actions are safe to trust again.

That’s what teaches the nervous system that this moment isn’t a repeat of the last one.

If you’ve struggled to tell whether someone’s actually being accountable or just rehearsing the same cycle, you’re not broken for hesitating. But your body is waiting for the proof, not just the verbal promises.

✍A quick note before you continue to scroll:
My 1:1 coaching applications for new clients close this Friday, Oct 31. If you’ve been waiting to do this work live with me, this is your window.
After this week, all new client openings will pause until 2026 ✹ Link in comments to apply.

10/28/2025

Most trauma survivors I work with were taught at safety comes from being understood.

But the truth is that understanding is connection, NOT protection.

Real safety starts inside of you. In trusting what you feel, what you need, and what you know to be true, even before anyone else does.

My Rebuilding Self-Trust Course will be the tool that helps you anchor into that internal safety, so your peace isn’t dependent on anyone else’s understanding of you. Link in the comments to get started

Most people are taught to measure healing by absence:No pain.No triggers.No discomfort.No stress.But that’s not healing,...
10/27/2025

Most people are taught to measure healing by absence:

No pain.
No triggers.
No discomfort.
No stress.

But that’s not healing, that’s avoidance disguised as progress.

Healing isn’t about eliminating every hard emotion or difficult moment. It’s about expanding your capacity to feel and stay present - without collapsing, self-abandoning, or losing your life in the process.

Insight can explain your pain, but capacity is what frees you from it. I’ve been teaching this for years - expanding the window of tolerance, not chasing trigger elimination. Some triggers may never disappear, but their power over your life can.

What changes is your capacity to stay with yourself through the experience.
Because you don’t heal by shrinking your world to avoid what hurts you
you heal by widening your window for life.

When your nervous system learns, “I can feel this and still stay with myself,” everything changes:

You stop bracing.
You stop disappearing.
You stop living in reaction.

If this speaks to you, you’re in the right place. Stay with me as I continue to teach healing that builds capacity, self-trust and true emotional safety with agency at the center - not avoidance, shrinking, collapsing or self-abandonment.đŸ€đŸ«¶

10/26/2025

You can’t control the first reaction. But the second reaction tells you everything.

Defensiveness might be a reflex but accountability is a choice.
And the only way to discern the difference is by having solid boundaries. Boundaries are what create internal safety and self-trust, so you know how to respond - whether the relationship is showing you a green flag to lean into or a red flag to step back from.

✹If you need that foundation, my Boundary Playbook will guide you step-by-step in building boundaries that support clarity, accountability, and self-trust. Link in comments

When you’re spiraling, it’s easy to reach for someone else to pull you out.To steady your nervous system for you.To say ...
10/25/2025

When you’re spiraling, it’s easy to reach for someone else to pull you out.

To steady your nervous system for you.
To say the “right thing” so you can feel better fast.

But that puts all the power and all the pressure on the other person.

Healthy co-regulation is not about handing someone your nervous system and hoping they save you. It’s about owning your internal experience first, then letting your partner support you without making them responsible for “fixing” it.

Because the goal isn’t:
“You calm me down so I can feel safe.”

And it’s not:
“I have to do everything on my own.”

The goal is:
“I’ll use my tools and I’d love your support while I steady myself.”

I see this all the time - people who understand why they are activated, but were never taught what to do in the moment their body takes over. Awareness alone doesn’t calm a nervous system. You need skills you can reach for in real time so the spiral doesn’t run the relationship.

That’s what turns reactive cycles into connection.
That’s what makes intimacy feel safe for both people.

The spiral isn’t the problem.
It’s what you do after you notice it that changes everything.

10/24/2025

Healing is when the nervous system stops bracing for abandonment, and starts trusting what’s actually here.

Keep following me to learn how✹

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