Amy L. Fiedler

Amy L. Fiedler 🌱Providing you tools + guidance for navigating your post traumatic life + relationships.
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A lot of people come into this work confused about why things are still feeling so hard.They’ve read the books, unpacked...
01/02/2026

A lot of people come into this work confused about why things are still feeling so hard.

They’ve read the books, unpacked their childhood and understand their attachment history.

And yet certain moments still hit them deep because what’s often missing from the conversation is that their body didn’t stop learning after childhood.

Adult trauma such as betrayal, emotional neglect, chronic invalidation, unsafe, dynamics, long-term stress - are what shape your sense of safety just as powerfully as early experiences do. Sometimes more so.

That doesn’t erase where things began. But it does explain why healing can’t stop there.

When clients of mine realize this, something shifts.
They stop assuming they’ve “missed something” or failed at healing.
They start understanding that their nervous system adapted across multiple chapters of their life - and each one deserves to be acknowledged fully.

Honoring the full story of what your body has had to survive is necessary and what brings real clarity to your healing process.🤍

01/01/2026

Yellow Flag means there’s not enough data yet - time to discern!

Test with honesty and watch for repair✍️

One of the biggest mistakes people make after trauma is thinking discernment means “having the right instincts” and “tru...
12/31/2025

One of the biggest mistakes people make after trauma is thinking discernment means “having the right instincts” and “trusting your gut.”

It doesn’t because what many forget or don’t realize is that trauma impacts your gut. This is why survivors have to learn to discern what is trauma and what is a red flag.

Discernment is a learned skill and without it, you’re forced into extremes - either overriding your reactions and staying when something isn’t right, or assuming every reaction means danger and leaving something that could be workable.

The work I teach isn’t about becoming less sensitive.
It’s about becoming clearer.

Clear about:
– what’s coming from your history
– what’s happening in the present
– and what you want to tolerate going forward

That clarity doesn’t come from insight alone. It comes from learning how to separate internal responses from external behavior - and then making decisions from values instead of fears or familiarity.

That’s exactly what my boundaries course teaches. And if this carousel resonates, it’s probably because your nervous system is tired of guessing (and second-guessing).

You can get my boundary course (and all my courses) on sale at 45% off with the code RELIEF at checkout.

The sale ends tomorrow at midnight!

12/30/2025

Trauma turns discernment into extremes.

This strategy will help you find balance and clarity so you don’t self-sabotage and you don’t over-tolerate.

A lot of people assume that once they understand why something happened, their body should settle and feel more at ease....
12/29/2025

A lot of people assume that once they understand why something happened, their body should settle and feel more at ease.

But insight doesn’t undo impact.

You can empathize, contextualize and makes sense of it intellectually. And you can still feel guarded.

Your nervous system is designed to track patterns and therefore that’s exactly what allows the relationship to feel safe again. Not insight or time passing but repeated proof that the pattern has actually changed.

Until that proof exists, your body stays alert.
And not bc you can’t let it go but because it’s waiting to experience something different.

12/28/2025

Safety grows when your actions start matching your needs!🤍

Becoming aware of this pattern is the first step - but as always awareness alone isn’t the work.When you’re used to step...
12/27/2025

Becoming aware of this pattern is the first step - but as always awareness alone isn’t the work.

When you’re used to stepping in, smoothing things over, over-explaining, or absorbing emotional fallout, not doing that can feel deeply uncomfortable at first.

Your body may read staying neutral as a risk.
It might see pausing like abandonment.
Stepping back might feel like you’re doing something wrong.

But what’s actually happening is you’re stepping out of a role that you were trained to play.

Coregulation is healthy but looks drastically different than what we’re speaking to here. And when you stop regulating for someone else, you give them back access to their own emotions, their own impact, and their own responsibility.

This becomes an internal boundary for you - differentiating between what is and is NOT your responsibility (emotionally).

And it’s learning to tolerate the discomfort of not fixing, not softening, not rescuing - and trusting that you don’t need to disappear for the relationship to stay intact.

If your relationship can’t tolerate the mirror returning - them having to see, feel and hear themselves without you stepping in to manage or worse, potentially become the scapegoat…then that tells you something important.

And this will feel a bit hard at first but it’s because you’re doing something new…not because you’re doing something wrong.🤍

12/26/2025

If your boundaries are met with emotional backlash, your body isn’t wrong to tense up.

Still need support with your boundaries both internally and externally - download my Holiday Boundary Playbook at the link in my comments 🎄🎁

One of the hardest skills after trauma isn’t noticing activation. It’s learning how to discern what you’re actually resp...
12/25/2025

One of the hardest skills after trauma isn’t noticing activation. It’s learning how to discern what you’re actually responding to.

Because hypervigilance doesn’t just scan for danger…it scans for meaning.

A delayed follow-through, a tone shift, a missed repair can feel like proof you’re about to end up back where you started.

And discernment isn’t about convincing yourself you’re safe. It’s about building the capacity to slow the moment down and ask better questions:

• Is this a pattern or a single human misstep?
• Is my reaction about what’s happening now or what this reminds my body of?
• What do my values say matters here, regardless of my activation?
• What boundary protects me without overcorrecting or self-abandoning?

That’s why boundary work after trauma isn’t just about saying no. It’s about learning how to stay connected to yourself while activated — so your decisions aren’t driven by fear of repeating the past.

Those are skills and they can be learned.
And they’re exactly what I teach you inside my boundaries resources linked in my bio.

12/24/2025

If you wait until you’re triggered to figure out what to do, your body will default to survival - not self trust.

Clarity has to come before activation. That’s how boundaries actually hold under pressure.🤍

Reducing tension and repairing a relationship are not the same task.Tension can drop when things get quiet, when time pa...
12/23/2025

Reducing tension and repairing a relationship are not the same task.

Tension can drop when things get quiet, when time passes, or when everyone avoids the topic. That can bring relief. But it doesn’t necessarily create safety.

Repair requires naming what happened, acknowledging the impact, and taking responsibility for how it landed - not just intent.

It sounds like: “I see what that did to you,” not “Can we just move on?”

Repair also includes follow-through. Changed behavior is how the nervous system learns the rupture won’t keep repeating.

This is why people can feel calm again but still guarded.
The body isn’t waiting for peace…it is waiting for proof.

12/22/2025

Over-apologizing usually means you learned to stay safe by always being responsible and taking the blame. By always being agreeable. By managing everyone’s emotions to keep the peace.

The tools to rebuild self- trust and reclaim your voice are available to you now in my courses, which are all 45% off through 12/31. Use code RELIEF at checkout🎁

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New York, NY

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Monday 9am - 6pm
Tuesday 9am - 6pm
Wednesday 9am - 6pm
Thursday 9am - 6pm
Friday 9am - 4:30pm

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