Ruthie Kalai LCSW

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United States
New York, NY
Ruthie Kalai LCSW

I provide online psychotherapy for millennials facing life transitions. I help twenty-somethings an

04/29/2024

Because who doesn’t love a good ballet??? Get tickets at www.westchesterballet.org 🩰🩰🩰

07/18/2023

Bigger and better than last year.

02/01/2023

It was great to speak to my colleague Kym Tolson again on another episode of her Traveling Therapist podcast. This time I get to talk about my latest professional adventure: curating retreats for women. Here’s the podcast if you want to learn more about what I’m doing (or to sign up to come!) You can also check out the website, www.oneweekeachyear.com.

https://youtu.be/rhn_mtP-4MY

09/30/2022

Check out my most recent blog post featured on website. Thanks Rachel for asking me to help out!

11/24/2020

You're not born with self-hatred. In fact, most children don't know what it's like to hate themselves. So where does this critical voice come from? Well, many places. Sometimes it's a critical parent or being teased at school. Regardless of the cause, your inner critical voice keeps telling you that there's something wrong with you. And eventually, you believe it. The only way to defeat these critical inner voices is to learn techniques to battle them.

11/23/2020

Have you ever felt so filled with self-hatred that it feels like you're drowning or suffocating? How can a person have that much disgust for themselves, especially if you see them as such an amazing person? I love this quote by because it's exactly what I see so many people doing. Somehow we think that all the hatred we have for ourselves will one day lead us to actually feeling good about ourselves. Nope, not how it works! Stay tuned for my posts this week as I talk more about self-hatred and what you can do to feel at least a little better about yourself.

11/21/2020

Dealing with parents when you're an adult is normally difficult, even under normal cicumstances. But what happens when you have a parent who is "emotionally immature"? Yes, it's really a thing. Here are some signs that you might have an emotionally immature parent:
1. They need to be the center of attention at all times.
2. They throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way.
3. Your needs and feelings aren't heard or validated.
4. Their love is very conditional.
5. You had to be the adult very early on.
6. They can't take any responsibility or accountability for their actions.
Do any or all of these sound familiar? Dealing with an emotionally immature parents is VERY difficult. There is no rationalizing with them or getting them to see how they are behaving. Your best bet is to create boundaries for how you want to be treated...what's ok and what's not ok.

11/19/2020

You're a 20 or 30 something and you've been on your own for years BUT when a thunderstorm is predicted, does your mom text you reminding you to bring an umbrella? Or how about twice a year your dad tries to teach you again how to turn your clocks back/forward. Sound familiar? They think of you as an adult but they treat you like a child. How frustrating is that? I hate to tell you, but they may or may not change those behaviors. I'm 40-something and my mom still worries about me. I've come to accept that this probably won't change! So how do you deal with parents who think of you as an adult but treat you like a child? You try to learn to accept the fact that there will always be a part of them that will worry about you and the actions that they take are done out of love and concern for your well-being. You can remind them that you're adult and that you don't need their help as much as you did when you were younger.

11/18/2020

You're not going to drastically change your parents. I can promise you that. So arguing with them about who's political viewpoints are correct is a waste of time. What then should you do? Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Make certain topics off-limits. Maybe you need your mom to STOP making comments about your body. Or perhaps you're tired of your parents asking you when you'll settle down. Here's an approach you can take: "mom I know you love me and want what's best for me but it upsets me when you make those comments about my body so how about we leave that topic off limits because your comments don't help."
2. Share less. I know your mom might be your best friend and you want to tell her everything. But if telling her everything ends up upsetting you, maybe you don't need to share every little detail of your life with her. Maybe it might be more helpful and supportive to tell a friend rather than a critical parent.
3. Don't respond immediately. I know it's tempting to answer a text right away from your nagging parent. But if you find that the more communication you have with them, the more likely you are to get upset, maybe redefine how often you need to answer. Check texts and voicemails to make sure there's no emergency and then set a time later in the day to respond. You can even let them know that you received their text but will reply later in the day when you have time.
4. Establish your own routines. Your parents might be used to you spending every holiday with them but what happens when you are in a relationship and want to spend a holiday with your partner's family? Explain calmly to your family that the situation has changed and you can no longer spend every holiday together. Set the routines and traditions that work for you and communicate your new routine to your family. Just because they get upset at the changes doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong. It just means that they need some time to adjust.

11/16/2020

You're an adult, you live on your OWN (or maybe temporarily living back at home durig COVID), but your parents are still driving you crazy. What's that about? By the time you're in your 20's and 30's, your parents should see you already as an adult, right? In theory yes but rarely does it work that way! If you're in your 20s and 30s and your parents are driving you crazy, there's nothing wrong with you! This happens....all.the.time! What's the solution? Ditch your parents and block their calls? Nope. Stay tuned with my posts this week as I talk more about how to deal with parents who drive you crazy.

11/12/2020

Maybe this sounds familiar? You have a HUGE heart and deeply feel the pain of others (aka empathy). But somehow, you also have empathy for some peoeple who you would lovingly call an as***le. Is it bad? Is it wrong? Hmm, not sure. Maybe it makes you a better person and maybe you serve as a role model for them. Can't hurt, right?

11/10/2020

So what's the big deal about empathy anyway? What does it matter if you're able to put yourself in someone else's shoes? Who has time for that anyway? Well, let me give you a few good reasons why it's actually really helpful and beneficial to have empathy for others.
1. It feels good! Yes, it actually gives you the warm fuzzies and makes you feel pretty darn good.
2. It makes the person you have empathy for feel better too. So it's a win-win for both of you!
3. It's the right thing to do. I try not to talk about "right" and "wrong" things but having empathy for others is just one way to be a good person.
4. If you believe in karma, empathy will earn you some karma points
5. People will have empathy for you in return.
So you see, there are a lot of benefits to having empathy towards others. I know sometimes it's hard; sometimes you just don't have the mental bandwidth to worry or care about anyone else but you may benefit from it more than you know.

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New York, NY

Telephone

+19179701305

Website

http://www.ruthiekalai.com/

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