Emily H. Sanders, LMFT

Emily H. Sanders, LMFT Psychotherapy for Individuals and Couples. Specialty areas include: Anxiety, Relationship Issues, Teen Therapy, and Leadership Health.

Fill out a contact form on my website to work with me. (CA residents only)
www.emilyhsanders.com Teen Therapy; Parent Coaching

Here are warning signs that saying YES could to lead to resentment. Saying YES under these conditions will leave you fee...
12/30/2025

Here are warning signs that saying YES could to lead to resentment.

Saying YES under these conditions will leave you feeling: frustrated, used, or anxious.

If you struggle with sharing your needs or limitations (aka boundaries) take these cautionary qualifiers as the moments in which you need to start pushing yourself to be more assertive.

• If giving a NO instantly is hard, practice giving yourself space to respond: “I am going to think about that; I’ll get back to you tonight.” (Then call a friend to hype you up for the NO!)

• Responding to guilt trips- Acknowledge the feeling + restate your boundary: “I know you’re sad I’m not coming home for the holiday, Mom, however, I am not able to make such a big trip right now.”

• If you don’t have the courage to practice your NO then simply observe. It’s ok, don’t make any changes. For now just be curious:

- How often *do* you say YES when you’d rather say NO?
- How do you feel afterwards?
- How is this affecting the relationship with the person you’re saying yes to?
- How do you feel about yourself?
- What do you tell yourself to make the situation feel ok? (i.e. “I don’t mind” “I didn’t want to do my thing anyway” “One day they’ll see how much I do for them.”)

Excellent quote by
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Boundaries are absolutely essential to healing self-abandonment. Boundaries are your protection. Setting- and maintainin...
12/29/2025

Boundaries are absolutely essential to healing self-abandonment. Boundaries are your protection.

Setting- and maintaining- your boundaries:
• Helps you focus on what feels good to you and maintain your values
• Is a sign of self respect, and shows others that you respect yourself
• Helps protect you from compromising yourself
• Keeps balance in your relationships
• Prevents burnout
• Forces you to practice being assertive
• Helps you learn that the world won’t crumble if you tend to your needs. (The only thing that may crumble is your 💩 relationships- boundaries help to w**d those out.)

📕 Books for your consideration:
• “The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free” by Melissa Urban
• “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes:
Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are” by Lysa Terkeurst
• “The Journey from Abandonment to Healing” by Susan Anderson
• “How to Stop Breaking Your Own Heart” by Meghan Roxanne

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Receiving external validation is such a help- and a huge part of our social/emotional development. As children, we lean ...
12/28/2025

Receiving external validation is such a help- and a huge part of our social/emotional development. As children, we lean on our parents or caregivers to confirm our experience and feelings are real, and to help us feel understood. As this is consistently done, we learn to do this for ourselves.

Some of us are playing catch-up in that area; if we didn’t receive validation as a child, we have to figure out how to do that now as adults.

Be slow to dismiss how you feel; the way you pay attention to and speak to yourself matters.

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Reflection Questions:
• How do you tend to speak to yourself when you have a need? Where did you learn to speak to yourself this way?
• Did you have parents/caregivers that responded to you in a moment of need/feeling that was dismissive, neglectful, shaming, or scary?
• As a child, were your thoughts/feelings welcomed? To what extent did you have to be present for your caregivers thoughts/feelings? If so, where did your own feelings go in those moments?
• To what extent is it difficult for you to trust yourself to make a decision or know how you feel?
• How do you imagine the way you talk to yourself affects the way you open up to others?
• Challenge: give yourself 2 minutes to let yourself lean into what you’re feeling/thinking without trying to talk yourself out of what you’re feeling.

Starting over is often hard. Whether it’s a break up, career change, move, or an abrupt goodbye- adjusting can be taxing...
12/27/2025

Starting over is often hard. Whether it’s a break up, career change, move, or an abrupt goodbye- adjusting can be taxing, ESPECIALLY when it isn’t a chosen restart.

Ironically, it’s often also these moments of ending and starting over that:
• produce the most personal growth
• teach much needed lessons
• force emotional flexibility
• give birth to something more fulfilling
• are points in our lives that we are most thankful for.

We have to hold on to our hope and sanity, praying time gives us perspective that we will ultimately be thankful for.

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startingover

You are responsible for your healing, acting in line with your values, and your growth. You’re allowed to heal at your o...
12/26/2025

You are responsible for your healing, acting in line with your values, and your growth.

You’re allowed to heal at your own pace, set parameters that keep you safe, and let others see your joy and pain. Focusing on others will derail you. Certainly- aim to be empathetic and compassionate - but these can coexist with boundaries and authenticity. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

Truth be told, the more you honor yourself the more you’re able to care for others more purely and connect in healthier ways.

A few scripts you may need for the holidays 😅People give unsolicited advice for so many reasons: - They’re trying to con...
12/25/2025

A few scripts you may need for the holidays 😅

People give unsolicited advice for so many reasons:

- They’re trying to connect
- They’re trying to be helpful or supportive
- They’re anxious hearing your story and experience because it hits too close to home for them
- They’re excited about something they’re knowledgeable about
- They don’t trust your judgment (often how we interpret it!)

Regardless of the reason, it can be very uncomfortable to be given unsolicited advice, especially when it makes us feel anxious or intruded upon.

• Pay attention to your how you’re feeling; if you need to set an emotional boundary and ask for the input to stop- do it.

• If you’re willing to let someone speak their mind for a few minutes and it doesn’t harm you, letting a loved one share their perspective is a simple way to let them feel connected to you.

• Sometimes simply responding with a simple “thanks” is a way to protect your peace and end the convo quickly and peacefully.

How do you tend to respond to unwanted advice?

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It can be painful to watch someone you care about make choices that you don’t agree with or may hurt them- yet they are ...
12/24/2025

It can be painful to watch someone you care about make choices that you don’t agree with or may hurt them- yet they are allowed to make those choices.

It can be tempting to try to body-block people from choices that might be detrimental, but it is import to let people experience consequences that can deliver lessons or help them come to their own conclusions.

Learn to give without strings attached, without interfering, and without losing yourself. 🫶🏼

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Caring for and about others is a beautiful part of life and communal/social responsibility. However, it can be challeng...
12/22/2025

Caring for and about others is a beautiful part of life and communal/social responsibility. However, it can be challenging to watch a loved one struggle without having the urge to fix or rescue them.

But “fixing” things for others isn’t necessarily what’s best for them- being a loving, supportive presence is always a gift, however. (Plus, resisting the urge to rescue people helps to protect you from resentment. It’s easy to get burned out when you feel responsible for other people’s lives.)

Here are a few ways you can show up without assuming inappropriate responsibility.

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👇🏽
When your loved one is struggling it may be helpful to:

• Keep your own feelings about their struggle in check. Is their issue something that hits close to home for you? Could you be projecting anything on to them?
• Remind yourself that the person is made to be resilient and capable of learning/growing. Do you doubt their ability to overcome? Why might this be?
• Do a quick check in to make sure proper boundaries are in place- are you respecting theirs, and are you assisting within your means?
• Remind yourself that becoming over involved is not always helpful or even welcome.

You want to be conscious that your help is empowering, not enabling, and that your care is supportive, not intrusive.

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Detaching is not about shutting people out of your life or heart; it is about creating emotional boundaries so you can c...
12/22/2025

Detaching is not about shutting people out of your life or heart; it is about creating emotional boundaries so you can continue to protect your peace and heal.

Becoming too involved in others’ lives, issues, and decisions will leave you depleted and resentful.

• Detachment is a way to love people from a healthy distance (sometimes emotional, sometimes physical, sometimes both.)
• Detachment means accepting people as they are and allowing them to make their own decisions (even if those decisions aren’t healthy.) People should have space to make choices for their lives; you don’t need to burn energy trying to body-block them from a decision they’ll inevitably make. When you don’t deplete yourself trying to change them, you have more energy to love them without resentment.
• Detachment lets you prioritize your own well-being and decide where to invest your energy. Focusing on your own life, health, and growth will have far higher returns!

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Which one do you need to put into practice? With time and practice, assertive language becomes easier and more comfortab...
12/20/2025

Which one do you need to put into practice?

With time and practice, assertive language becomes easier and more comfortable.

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A few questions for *personal* reflection during conflict with a partner. When we love someone, it’s our responsibility ...
12/19/2025

A few questions for *personal* reflection during conflict with a partner. When we love someone, it’s our responsibility to be mindful of ourselves and how we impact our partner. However, it’s common to focus on our partner and what THEY’RE getting wrong during tense topics and convos. These questions are meant to help you redirect your thoughts towards self and resolution.

⚠️ I do think it’s important to note that if you’re in an abusive relationship, please take care when answering these questions. Part of the mental manipulation in an abusive relationship is to make the abused partner assume all fault for the issues in the partnership. You are already wired to assume all blame, so your healing is going to require you to assume *less* responsibility for falling outs, not more.

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It’s fun and important to talk about what’s going well in your relationship! It is also important to be able to gently v...
12/18/2025

It’s fun and important to talk about what’s going well in your relationship! It is also important to be able to gently visit the parts that need to be strengthened.

It takes courage and humility to ask your partner for feedback that could make you feel upset- particularly with yourself. And yet, what an incredibly loving thing to set your defenses aside to ask where you might improve.

If what you hear is hard to take in, thank your partner for being brave enough to be honest and let them know you’re going to think over what they shared. Ask more questions if you need clarification. Remind them that you love them, and consider offering an apology if one is warranted.

And be kind to yourself- relationshipping is hard work. You always have another opportunity to show up as the partner you want to be.

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1601 Dove Street, Suite 212
Newport Beach, CA
92660

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Tuesday 9am - 6pm
Wednesday 2pm - 8pm
Thursday 10am - 2pm
Friday 9am - 7pm

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+17145892307

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