Emily H. Sanders, LMFT

Emily H. Sanders, LMFT Psychotherapy for Individuals and Couples. Specialty areas include: Anxiety, Relationship Issues, Teen Therapy, and Leadership Health.

Fill out a contact form on my website to work with me. (CA residents only)
www.emilyhsanders.com Teen Therapy; Parent Coaching

No matter how hard you try, you can’t control the outcome of your conversations- including getting someone to engage wit...
04/05/2026

No matter how hard you try, you can’t control the outcome of your conversations- including getting someone to engage with you in a meaningful way, open up to you, or to have the hard conversation you know needs to happen.

This can be such a painful truth for those of us who are still hoping to be able to talk more deeply with a loved one.

Be cautious of seeing someone’s limitations or disinterest as a sign that you need to try harder. Do your best to focus on what you are responsible for.

It takes more than one person to create a healthy connection.

Communication can get strained; asking for the other person’s perspective can go a long way in softening tension. Remind...
04/03/2026

Communication can get strained; asking for the other person’s perspective can go a long way in softening tension.

Reminders:
• It takes 2 people to have a truly productive conversation. Be gracious and mindful of your wording, AND also you can’t force someone to engage who doesn’t want to, not matter how kind or mature you are.

• Some conversations need a little pause. Big topics usually require several convos.

• No matter how hard you try, you can’t control the outcome of your conversations- including getting someone to engage with you in a meaningful way, open up to you, or to have the hard conversation you know needs to happen.

It’s fun and important to talk about what’s going well in your relationship! It is also important to be able to gently v...
04/01/2026

It’s fun and important to talk about what’s going well in your relationship! It is also important to be able to gently visit the parts that need to be strengthened.

It takes courage and humility to ask your partner for feedback that could make you feel upset- particularly with yourself. And yet, what an incredibly loving thing to set your defenses aside to ask where you might improve.

If what you hear is hard to take in, thank your partner for being brave enough to be honest and let them know you’re going to think over what they shared. Ask more questions if you need clarification. Remind them that you love them, and consider offering an apology if one is warranted.

And be kind to yourself- relationshipping is hard work. You always have another opportunity to show up as the partner you want to be.

——

Emotional safety is crucial for a thriving relationship; being consistent in the small moments makes a BIG impact in the...
03/31/2026

Emotional safety is crucial for a thriving relationship; being consistent in the small moments makes a BIG impact in the long term.

1. Be careful about the assumptions you make.
2. Communicate when things change on your end.
3. Be quick to listen and slow to respond.

Part of how we tend to our relationship is by learning to tolerate some of the messiness and imperfections that come wit...
03/30/2026

Part of how we tend to our relationship is by learning to tolerate some of the messiness and imperfections that come with relationshipping.

• Not everything can be fixed immediately.
• Our partners are different than us – which is good AND can feel hard.
• Feelings get hurt.
• Old wounds can get bumped up against.
• Frustration makes its appearance.
• You and your partner have different ways of handling situations.
• You’re forced to pick your battles.

During the infatuation stage of the relationship (or, the “love bubble” as I call it) you aren’t bogged down or bothered yet by the imperfections in the other person. You might even find the imperfections and differences cute! But as time goes on, the love bubble pops, and the work of sustaining a relationship begins. 🫶🏼

—> This does not apply to abusive relationships! We should not learn to get “better” at tolerating abuse.”

Love doesn’t require us to lose ourselves; it does, however, require us to give. ——
03/27/2026

Love doesn’t require us to lose ourselves; it does, however, require us to give.

——

Little positive behaviors make a BIG positive impact in our relationships. What “little” things would you add to this li...
03/26/2026

Little positive behaviors make a BIG positive impact in our relationships.

What “little” things would you add to this list?

——

Putting effort into our relationships is an imperative, of course. Effort communicates care, attention, investment, help...
03/25/2026

Putting effort into our relationships is an imperative, of course. Effort communicates care, attention, investment, helps us feel seen, and goes far in nurturing intimacy. (It also helps protect our relationships from resentment.)

What kind of effort goes a long way with you?

——

How we spend our time is one area in life that requires boundaries- how we spend it and with whom. It can be hard to kno...
03/24/2026

How we spend our time is one area in life that requires boundaries- how we spend it and with whom. It can be hard to know how to kindly end conversations that you don’t quite have the time for- whether that’s with a coworker, neighbor, another mom at school drop off, or a family member!

If you have the opportunity at the start of the convo to state how much time you have to talk, that’s helpful. But that’s not always possible, and convos aren’t always planned. Soooo learning how to make a gracious exit is important, especially because social cues aren’t always sufficient. Knowing how to “put a pin in it” is helpful.

How do you gently end a conversation?
——

Raise your hand if receiving a compliment makes you feel some type of way!!Many people struggle with accepting complimen...
03/23/2026

Raise your hand if receiving a compliment makes you feel some type of way!!

Many people struggle with accepting compliments; often, feeling a surge of anxiety, it’s commonly reflexive to:

• reject the compliment
• give a compliment back to shift attention
• shut down
• pass the credit along
• point out the flaws in what was complimented.

As we are growing and maturing, it is important to learn to take in and evaluate feedback- and this includes POSITIVE feedback.

📓🖊️Think about it:

• How does receiving a compliment make you feel?
• How does positive feedback make your body feel? Does any part of you shut down?
• How do respond when you get a compliment? In what ways do you wish you responded differently?
• What kind of comments (positive or negative) did you receive growing up?
• Did compliments need to be earned? Were they backhanded? Were they at the expense of someone else? Let yourself get curious about other factors that made compliments feel complicated or conflicting.
• How do you imagine being able to receive a compliment more mindfully can positively impact your relationships?

——
• Boothby, E. J., & Bohns, V. K. (2021). Why a Simple Act of Kindness Is Not as Simple as It Seems: Underestimating the Positive Impact of Our Compliments on Others. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 47(5), 826-840.

Adding the nuance to yesterday’s post! It is important to explain ourselves to the people we care about; functioning rel...
03/22/2026

Adding the nuance to yesterday’s post! It is important to explain ourselves to the people we care about; functioning relationships require us to share about ourselves. This can build intimacy, facilitate growing together, and soothe hurt.

However, explaining yourself is not always required- or even safe. Here are a few reasons it would wise to resist sharing.

You can practice saying:
- “I’m not open to sharing any more.”
- “I will say more if and when I feel the time is right.”
- “I’ve said all I’m willing to say at this point.”
- “I don’t feel comfortable with this topic; can we please change the subject?”
- “If you keep pressing me on this I’ll have to cut this conversation short.”

Learning who to share yourself with and who to withhold from is an important part of protecting your peace.

——

Yes, there is wisdom in refraining from explaining yourself to people who don’t have your best interests in mind, are co...
03/21/2026

Yes, there is wisdom in refraining from explaining yourself to people who don’t have your best interests in mind, are controlling, make you feel judged, are overly competitive, or are critical. There are situations where it’s very appropriate to set a boundary or state your need without explaining.

However, building intimacy and safety does require you to share vulnerably- what’s on your mind, what is influencing certain decisions, or why an issue may get you really fired up.

Some of us are learning to protect ourselves by saying less.
Some of us are learning to use our voice to advocate for ourselves in our relationships.

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1601 Dove Street, Suite 212
Newport Beach, CA
92660

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Wednesday 9am - 3pm
Thursday 9am - 6pm
Friday 9am - 4pm

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