Hetopa - HEaling from TOxic PAtterns Support Group

Hetopa - HEaling from TOxic PAtterns Support Group this is about a new program for victims of abuse by parents and others. come learn to thrive! My parents were good people who were broken by their own parents.

co-facilitator... Laura Silver, BSN, RN, CDP....


Laura grew up in a toxic household with many of her family members having narcissistic qualities. She suffered depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts for many years. Years of therapy and support groups left her little hope that her life could be any better. Laura began searching the internet and discovered that hidden in the toxicity of her family was the stress and trauma of domestic violence. This resulted in what is now known as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Laura went to work with the Elizabeth Freeman Center and in two years with her therapist there, Laura made great strides. She realizes there is still much to learn and many people who need help. She now is “turning around” to offer a “hand up” for others who struggle with recovering from and thriving despite their history of toxic abuse. Laura has partnered with her friend of twenty years, Bonnie, to bring Bonnie’s dream of the Healing from Toxic Parenting Support Group to life. Laura graduated from the University of Southern Maine with a BS in nursing and has specialized in mental health nursing in various settings since 1980. She has seen first hand what people are capable of doing to each other and how "modern medicine" and traditional therapies are unable to adequately help. Combining recent trauma treatment principles with traditional Native American old ways, Laura offers a unique perspective of compassion and nurturing to promote deep and lasting change in all who work with her. About co-facilitator, Bonnie...

As a person who has survived the trauma of being raised in a home where multiple forms of abuse was simply a part of my life I began my journey to healing in my early 30's. At that time I had spent years struggling with depression and suicidal thinking and I had a husband and 2 young children at home who I wanted to protect from passing on the pain I was enduring to them. I found help through Northern Berkshire Mental Health (now the Brien Center) and through the Rape Crisis Center in Pittsfield. Both therapists helped me join groups they were facilitating as well as individual therapy with each. I also began to search out self-help groups such as ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) as well as other, similar groups. I went nearly nightly for over 12 years, but I found that although they helped with some of my issues I was not addressing much of what I was struggling with such as the verbal abuse by the non-alcoholic parent, the physical and emotional abuse, and the horrible feelings of betrayal I had toward that parent who had been struggling with their own mental health issues, passing those behaviors down to me... behaviors I knew I didn't want to enact with my own children. I KNEW I wanted to create a place where I and others like me, or who maybe didn't have the alcoholism component to their growing up, could find help. I did some preliminary work on creating a group, based on the 12 step programs I had worked with but with a slightly different focus. But the more I worked on it, the more I realized that with 2 young children and a husband and home to manage I simply didn't have the time to devote to such a big and challenging project so I eventually put it to the back of my mind hoping one day I could make it happen. In those early times I had come up with the name... HE (Healing) from TO (toxic) PA (parenting). I dreamed of a group of peers who could talk about the stuff that is taboo in most of our culture in a safe place where others who had also been through it could offer support, acceptance, and suggestions for things they had found to be helpful... a place to heal without being judged for speaking out against their parents. I also recognized that some people are raised by people who are not their parents but take those roles. It's not about hating them, because they are often victims of the same behaviors themselves. And we also need to recognize that people are a mix of good and not so good. I just wanted to break the cycle. And yes, we will speak of what they have done to us, but that doesn't mean you can't still recognize the good things they have done and that we can still perhaps want a healthy relationship with them even as adults. Several years later, I met Laura... We have known each other for 20 years and I had shared my dream with her. A while ago she asked if I was still hoping to make this happen. My answer was YES! And now that my children are grown and I am retired it seems possible now, especially with Laura's education and expertise added to the resources we can all be guided by! I have certainly been blessed by my access to her support and expertise over the years! It is my hope to help as many of us (and sadly there are so many) who are struggling to survive, heal, raise children (and many of us are raising grandchildren now) and thrive as adults in this world. I hope if you are struggling you will find peace and happiness in the days ahead and perhaps share your well earned success with others along the way, perhaps by joining us as we begin this journey...

07/15/2025
03/03/2025

On Monday, Billy didn't have his homework
And when the teacher asked him why
He said, "Because a monster ripped it up,
After I told him a lie."

"You know monsters don't exist,
And if you don't turn in your homework
No recess you will get

On Tuesday, Billy had a stomach ache
And when the teacher asked him why
He said, "A monster took away my dinner,
even my ice cream."

"Billy, I've told you once before,
Monsters are not real.
You'll have to wait till lunchtime
Before you get a meal."

On Wednesday, Billy had a bandage,
Which covered his right eye.
When the teacher asked him how it happened,
This was his reply:

"A monster was running after me
When I ran into the door:"
"Billy please," the teacher said,
"I don't want to hear any more."

On Thursday, Billy refused to sit down,
And when the teacher asked him why,
Billy said, "A monster whipped my bottom,
Because I started to cry,"

"Billy, said the teacher,
" this is getting out of hand,
And if you continue with these stories,
In the corner you will stand."

On Friday, Billy didn't come to school,
And when the teacher found out why,
She said a little prayer to God
In hopes Billy would survive.

For a monster had beaten Billy
and threatened him with a knife.
Now Billy lay in a hospital bed,
Fighting for his life.

So teachers please remember,
That monsters are for real.
Listen closely to kids stories,
A wounded heart you may heal

Author Unknown...
The Pain To Children is All Too Real
I found this and felt I had to share it!

You might think you "should" be ok because they didn't beat you or maybe even say cruel things to you but you also also ...
10/28/2024

You might think you "should" be ok because they didn't beat you or maybe even say cruel things to you but you also also absorbed their example and the stress....

10/28/2024

Just wanted to let everyone know that we have paused our meetings indefinitely. It has been a little over 2 years since Laura and I started this group and although we have done everything we could it just didn't grow and we didn't get the support we had hoped for from the media with our press releases to get word out.
We know how hard it is to work on this. We have both grown up with parents who learned to be abusive from their parents. That's what happens. And that's why, when I had young children and knew I didn't want to be the same kind of parent I initially got into therapy and began looking for a group like this. There wasn't a single group out there that wasn't about AA or NA and that's not what my life had been about. I began to form thoughts of how a group for people like me could help. That was over 35 years ago. But I knew that I needed someone with the education and experience with these issues that I didn't have.
Needless to say, I met Laura (over 25 years ago now) who has spent 40 years working with people in crisis, many just like me. She had the education and experience we needed for this. But the timing wasn't right. And then, finally, it was.
We didn't expect a huge turnout for the start but we did hope to grow the group. People started talking to us about it and saying they wanted to come but week after week they didn't. We had a few who came and weren't ready and didn't come back but at a few weeks in we had a pretty solid small group. Unfortunately, that has changed for reasons other than our group and we they are no longer joining us. And unfortunately Laura and I are each struggling with some difficulties right now that prevent us from putting the amount of time and energy into rebuilding the group right now, so sadly we have hit the pause button.
I will keep this page open and we will share things to it as we find them for now. And you will still be able to reach us through here.
I really regret having to make this decision but honestly there is no group without people. If interest picks up and people will give an honest commitment to trying what we can offer for just 6 weeks, we could try again. So if you are local and have an interest please message us and we will see if we can bring the group meetings back.
Be well, everyone...
Bonnie

Just tap on it to see the whole screenshot.
09/17/2024

Just tap on it to see the whole screenshot.

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North Adams, MA
01247

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+14136722257

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