THINK PINK Nutrition and Lifestyle Management

11/06/2023

LONG POST WARNING
While my social media has always portrayed a positive and sometimes comical outlook on my cancer journey, it definitely wasn’t an easy one.

During chemo I was at my weakest. There were days I thought about giving up and letting the cancer take over my body. Treatment was hard. I remember laying on the kitchen floor, crying, telling my mom I’d rather just die than continue treatment. Sunday’s were the hardest day because I knew when Monday morning rolled around I would wake up early, drop the kids off at school, and head into treatment. Cancer treatment pushes you both mentally and physically. I felt like it pushed me to my absolute limits.

When I finally finished active treatment I decided I wanted to push my body again to its limits but this time on my terms. If I could go through all that and make it to the finish line then I told myself I could push myself to do anything. I also wanted to be able to encourage people who were on their own cancer journey. I wanted to lead by example, to inspire those fighting and healing from cancer to get up, be active, move, and not only go on with their lives but to live their best lives.

I was pregnant in 2020 when COVID shut down the world. Honestly, I was angry. At the time I was in the best shape of my life and had plans to stay “fit” throughout my pregnancy. Since we didn’t know the effects of COVID on an unborn fetus, combined with then having to homeschool 3 kids and maintain my practice manager duties, my dream of a fit pregnancy went out the window. I stayed active throughout my pregnancy but weight training and lifting was no longer an option (it took 10 weeks just to get dumbbells due to supply chain issues). I had gotten back into the gym postpartum when I got smacked with my cancer diagnosis. The thing I missed the most throughout my pregnancy and cancer treatment was my time at the gym. I yearned for the days where I wouldn’t feel nauseous or fatigued so I could workout. After finishing 16 rounds of chemo, 28 rounds of radiation, a double mastectomy, and a butt load of steroids I looked nothing like my old self. I remember being embarrassed my first day back at the gym. I smiled at some old “gym friends” (you know, the ones you talk to all the time but don’t know their names) and they didn’t acknowledge me back because they didn’t recognize me. I spent 6 months gaining some of my strength back, building up some muscle, and shedding the weight I had gained during treatment. I decided as soon as I finished and was cleared from my next (and hopefully last) surgery I was going to go ALL IN and train for a bodybuilding competition.

My goal was never to place. My goal was to step on stage and simply blend in. I wanted to look like I belonged, I wanted to look healthy and strong, and most of all I wanted to look like I never had cancer or went through 8 months of grueling treatment. I simply wanted to be able to say “I did it, now get out there and move your body too!” At some point my goal changed and I was determined to place.

Yesterday, I fulfilled a promise I made to myself while I was in the depths of cancer hell. I promised myself I would make a comeback. I would become the strongest version of myself yet, both physically and mentally. And I FREAKING DID IT!

I looked at my surgeon the day he cleared me to workout and I told him “you won’t recognize me the next time you see me.” I went home and went to the gym. This was in late November 2022. I have not missed a workout since that day (with the exception of my rest days). In February I hired a coach, created a plan, and a timeline. I wanted to compete in October for Breast Cancer Awareness Month (okay, so I missed it by 4 days, not my fault). For the past 8 months I have stayed focused, dedicated, and committed. There were no cheat days, there were no sleeping in and skipping the gym days. There were days I hit the gym 2-3 times though! Every morsel of food was weighed and tracked. When I thought I couldn’t push anymore, I remembered two things, 1) I made a promise to that sick girl with cancer lying on the floor and 2) If you can make it through cancer treatment, you can make it through anything. Then I would keep pushing.

This same girl who found out 26 months ago she had stage 2 breast cancer at 37, who finished 16 infusions of chemo just 20 months ago, who underwent a body changing and disfiguring double mastectomy 19 months ago, who completed 28 rounds of radiation just 18 months ago, and is only 12 months post reconstruction, got up on stage and fulfilled a promise to herself. Not only did I blend in, I surpassed my initial goal, winning 3rd in Masters Bikini, 3rd in Novice Bikini, and 5th in Open Bikini. Looking at me you would never guess that 2 years ago I was fighting for my life. That was yesterday, today I’m thriving!

While I did all the heavy lifting (pun intended), I think it’s important to recognize my support team. My family sacrificed a lot for me to achieve my dream. Without my husband, Daniel Clearfield, this wouldn’t have been possible. The support he gave me was unwavering. My kids constantly encouraged me and reminded me how proud they were of their mom (but would also complain “you’re going to the gym again!”). My family has stood by me, been patient with me, and shown nothing but support and positivity, and for that I am so grateful and feel so extremely loved.

As I walked with my family to the car after the competition, my 3 year old Scarlett looked up at me and said “Mommy you were amazing.” This was one of the best moments I have had in my life. I didn’t just endure after cancer, I have truly thrived, and will continue to do so!

I share this story in hopes to inspire just one person to take back their life. To stop letting a diagnosis define you and to break the stereotype of what “life after illness” looks like.

Feeling encouraged? Don’t know where to start? Just want to share your story? Feel free to reach out! I’d love to talk.

I’d also like to thank my posing coach IFBB Pro Letty Villafana Ochoa for cheering me on, lifting me up, and being my hype girl. You inspire me! So grateful our paths magically crossed!

And of course thank you to my coach Ivan Madarang for dealing with my 1 million questions, stubbornness, and photos not wearing my heels 🤣

11/04/2023

It’s go time!!

08/27/2023

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8YdGfWJ/

Day 1/71…follow me on TikTok if you want to watch my 10 week transformation. Will I make it to the stage?

Check out sh*ttytittycommittee's video.

05/07/2023

ONE YEAR! Today I celebrated being 1 year CANCER FREE!!!
I’m not just living, I’m THRIVING! That doesn’t mean I don’t have my challenges, cancer treatment left me with some obstacles both cognitively and physically but as cliche as it is “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
It’s been months since I have posted and for good reason. I have spent the past 365 days focusing on returning my life back to normal for myself and my family, getting back into the office (albeit only a few hours a week, some weeks not all). I have been deepening my knowledge of all things health and wellness so I can better help my patients and broaden my scope, and the biggest thing of all, TRAINING to compete in my FIRST BODYBUILDING COMPETITION! I’m hoping to step on stage in late Fall, but it’s definitely not a process you can rush, and it’s not uncommon to change your timeline.
The most common question I get is “why do you want to compete?” I’ll try to sum it up and not turn my answer into a novel. Cancer forced me to push myself harder than I ever had, just when I thought I had reached my maximum mental, physical, and emotional capacity, cancer kept pushing, and I survived. Bodybuilding to me is the same, it pushes you in all aspects, not just physically. It’s just as much a mental sport as it is a sport of strength and endurance. I want to push my body to the extreme, but this time on MY terms. I want to inspire others who have dealt with their own obstacles to find their strengths.
In the coming weeks and months I hope to carve out time to focus more on my social media and provide FREE evidence-based health and wellness advice, healthy recipes, and tips to thrive in your own life.
Thank you so much for following my journey, the comments and messages I have received along the way have meant the world to me!
*Picture of me today vs February 2022 after chemo and May 2022 after radiation

PS: I am keeping my hair short for now. I get this question ALL the time ❤️, I’ve had about 5 haircuts in the past 12 months.

05/07/2023

ONE YEAR! Today I celebrated being 1 year CANCER FREE!!!
I’m not just living, I’m THRIVING! That doesn’t mean I don’t have my challenges, cancer treatment left me with some obstacles both cognitively and physically but as cliche as it is “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
It’s been months since I have posted and for good reason. I have spent the past 365 days focusing on returning my life back to normal for myself and my family, getting back into the office (albeit only a few hours a week, some weeks not all). I have been deepening my knowledge of all things health and wellness so I can better help my patients and broaden my scope, and the biggest thing of all, TRAINING to compete in my FIRST BODYBUILDING COMPETITION! I’m hoping to step on stage in late Fall, but it’s definitely not a process you can rush, and it’s not uncommon to change your timeline.
The most common question I get is “why do you want to compete?” I’ll try to sum it up and not turn my answer into a novel. Cancer forced me to push myself harder than I ever had, just when I thought I had reached my maximum mental, physical, and emotional capacity, cancer kept pushing, and I survived. Bodybuilding to me is the same, it pushes you in all aspects, not just physically. It’s just as much a mental sport as it is a sport of strength and endurance. I want to push my body to the extreme, but this time on MY terms. I want to inspire others who have dealt with their own obstacles to find their strengths.
In the coming weeks and months I hope to carve out time to focus more on my social media and provide FREE evidence-based health and wellness advice, healthy recipes, and tips to thrive in your own life.
Thank you so much for following my journey, the comments and messages I have received along the way have meant the world to me!
*Picture of me today vs February 2022 after chemo and May 2022 after radiation

PS: I am keeping my hair short for now. I get this question ALL the time ❤️, I’ve had about 5 haircuts in the past 12 months.

10/02/2022

It’s October 1, which means it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand I think bringing awareness to a disease is important (I’ve actually learned so much about other illnesses and diseases via others posts on awareness days and months). On the other hand, I feel like it has almost turned into a celebration with walks, runs, pink outs, and give-aways. “Wear Pink for Breast Cancer!” I don’t want to be that person and I hate using the word “trigger”, but all the “awareness” is triggering for some survivors, like myself. Non-survivors see funky pink tutus and silly pink socks. I see a reminder of the pain and suffering I endured during active treatment. Breast cancer isn’t cute. It doesn’t come wrapped up in a neat little pink ribbon.

I wish Breast Cancer Awareness Month was about FREE mammograms and lobbying for better health care, and better cancer screening protocols, because telling a women to do self exams and waiting to get a mammogram until she is 40 isn’t cutting it. Did you know by the time you can feel a lump in your breast your cancer is between 3-5 years old? Mine was estimated to be 10, which means I was around 27 when I first had breast cancer. As a survivor, I would like to see October be more about providing affordable preventative breast healthcare to all women, than dressing in pink.

October is about being a survivor, not wearing all pink to a football game. Will my family and I be wearing pink this October? Absolutely. While pink may be triggering for some, for others it symbolizes and reminds them of their courage, strength, and their ability to overcome obstacles, and I can support that!

08/21/2022

I was recently interviewed by the Fort Worth Report about how my breastfeeding journey led to my cancer diagnosis.

My feature is second to last

Fact-based local journalism that helps Fort Worth and Tarrant County residents make smart decisions about their government and their lives.

08/20/2022

1 year.

This is a picture of me 1 year ago today. This was right after my biopsy. Although I didn’t have the official diagnosis yet I knew by the demeanor of the radiologist that whatever it was, wasn’t good.

It’s been 1 year since I found out I had cancer. It’s just wild to me. These past 365 days have felt like an eternity but at the same time flown by.

I’ve thought a lot about this post. I’ve practically gone MIA on my social media posts since completing treatment. The end of my treatment felt like the end of a toxic relationship. I said goodbye and haven’t really looked back. I don’t see the need to dwell on it or act like a victim. The truth is, I don’t think about it much but at the same time it’s always on my mind. Weird, right? What I mean is this, I don’t often think about the trauma of the cancer treatment itself or what I went through. It’s in the past and I hope to never go through it again. I didn’t realize how hard treatment really was until it was over. In all honesty it sucked. It was hard, many tears were shed and I had a lot of anger and resentment (like why would my body betray me like that when I’ve been nothing but good to it?). Physically, it’s hard not to think about. Every time I look in the mirror I’m reminded of it. My chest is completely disfigured with weird lumps in some places and dips and craters in others, all of which is apparent through my clothing. I don’t have ni***es (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing) and I have scars across my chest. Without my breasts my feminine shaped body is no longer existent. I wish I appreciated my pre cancer body more when I had it. I’m scheduled for reconstruction in October and really hope I come out looking more normal and feminine again. Don’t get me started on my hair. I HATE IT, I look absolutely ridiculous, honestly I preferred my shaved head over this weird length. Sometimes I just look in the mirror and laugh because really that’s all I can do. My husband has to be the most patient and incredible man on the planet, constantly telling me how beautiful I am. Thank god I have a good personality 🤣 The pain is what reminds me the most that I had cancer. I’m always in pain. On a scale of 1-10 I’m usually sitting around a 6. My entire left side of my body from my bellybutton up hurts all the time. I never feel relaxed and comfortable. I have a stabbing pain where the cancer was 24/7.

I don’t like to call myself a “survivor” or a “warrior” because I feel like that allows the cancer to define who I am and to me cancer is not a character trait. I had cancer. Now I don’t. That’s it. I hope we never cross paths again.

As I’ve eased back into “normal life” again I hope to get back to what I’m passionate about which is Health and Wellness. I plan on getting back to posting helpful tips and information and starting back wellness coaching again. I’d love to help others navigate their own cancer journey, both during and after diagnosis. I can’t wait to see where the next 365 days takes me!

06/06/2022

The first Sunday in June is National Cancer Survivors Day! I’m 1 month post-cancer tomorrow. I look forward to the day that I’m so far removed from cancer that I can’t even remember how long I’ve been “cancer free”. I think of my cancer as an unplanned detour. I’m back on the road again and following the “map” my oncologist has given me. I refuse to live in fear that my cancer will return (at which point it will be stage 4). So happy survivors day to all my warriors who have finished their fights. To those who are just starting their battle I hope to celebrate with you next year!

05/06/2022

Saying goodbye to cancer treatment. Miss you NEVER.
After 16 rounds of chemo, a double mastectomy with sentinel node removal, 6 sessions of physical therapy, and 28 rounds of radiation I am officially DONE with cancer treatment. I still have reconstruction down the road and have temporary expanders in lieu of silicone breast implants right now but that surgery will be a cake walk (and I’m looking forward to having a “normal” chest again)
My journey has felt both long and short. 8 months from start to finish. It’s been filled with good days and not so good days, but in the end I made it. I’m still here. I won.
Shout out to my entire family, especially my mom and mother-in-law who have spent almost everyday at my house these past 8 months making sure myself and my children were well taken care of. And of course my husband who never left my side, who attended every appointment, who held my hand, who told me I was tough, wiped away my tears, and always made me laugh.
What have I learned? Life is short. Tomorrow isn’t promised. Enjoy every moment. Take the trip. Eat the cake (if it’s gluten free). Do what you love. Follow your passions.
As I end my journey today someone else is just starting theirs. If you’re that person please know you got this. You are stronger than you think 💪🏼

05/06/2022

04/29/2022

Radiation has gone by quickly. The first few rounds were nothing. 15 minutes in and out, everyday M-F. I had no side effects at the beginning. About 6 sessions in I began to feel extremely fatigued. Now 23 sessions in I have slight burns, tender skin and still feel very fatigued. Simple tasks like cooking dinner create severe exhaustion. Oh, and I have a weird feeling in my esophagus with a cough (but I know this is normal because I saw it on “Breaking Bad” 😂)
One week from today I will be completely done with cancer treatment! I’ll still have reconstruction down the road, but the hard part will be over!
I also graduated from PT. Before I started radiation I could barley raise my right arm over my head and when I did I had unbearable nerve pain. Thanks to once weekly PT I have full range of motion back and zero nerve pain. I do have some pain underneath my armpit and along the side of my chest, but that is caused by radiation burns, which looks and feels like a sunburn. The radiation causes the skin to shrink and tighten…too bad they can’t aim the lasers at my stomach!