10/15/2025
I’ve taken some time before putting these thoughts into words. As a birth doula, I know that each birth is its own story , unfolding and unpredictable, powerful, in deeply personal ways.But some stories stay with us longer. Some leave marks we didn’t expect. The birth I supported recently was one of those.
It was traumatic.
And while I want to be careful not to speak for the family. I do want to honor what we all went through together.
From the moment labor began, there were signs that things would not go as planned. Tension began to replace excitement. Each turn brought more uncertainty, and before long, plans shifted into what we weren’t expecting. I stayed by their side, as I always do grounded, calm, and present ,but inside, I was holding my breath with them once I received the phone call from her husband.
I witnessed raw courage that day. I saw a birthing person endure wave after wave of pain, not just physically but emotionally. I saw a partner try to stay strong while fear and empathy cracked a little through his voice.
As a doula, I know that I am not there to fix or control outcomes, but to offer presence, compassion and continuity. Together as birth workers we do that.
And yet, after the birth, I carried a quiet grief. For the birth they hoped for. For the fear in the room. For the silence that followed the baby’s arrival before the first cry came.
I’ve had to remind myself that holding space during trauma is sacred work, even when it hurts. Even when it lingers.
I’ve reached out to my support network of fellow birth workers. I’ve debriefed. I’ve journaled and I’ve prayed. And I’m still processing. Birth work isn’t just beautiful. It’s sometimes unpredictable and in rare cases devastating. And witnessing both realities doesn’t make me any less committed to this path, but it reminds me that we must tend to ourselves, too. And I know I’m speaking this to many birth workers from now or beyond.
For me my faith comes into play. It plays a huge pivotal role in my life, and in many other lives. I have to hold onto what is true. That we are ultimately never in control ,and never will be, but I know who is. Ive seen him work miracles time and time again. Even though we may not understand now or in the moment I’m hopeful in eternity we will find the answers we’re looking for. I’m holding on tightly to his promises.
To the mothers : You are powerful beyond measure.
Bringing life into this world whether through hours of labor, an unexpected emergency, or a quiet, planned delivery, is an act of courage and strength, and love. Birth is not just a physical experience. It’s emotional, spiritual, and transformative. It asks more of you than most ever will and somehow, you give it: fully, fiercely, and without holding back.
To the family I supported: I saw your strength. I saw your love. And I will carry your story with deep respect and care. Your birth was not what you hoped for, but it was still sacred. Still powerful. Still yours.
With tenderness
Jess
A Certified Birth Doula
