The Healing Path

06/17/2025

In a world where connections should uplift and inspire, settling for minimum effort in relationships is simply not enough. We all deserve partners who invest their time, energy, and love into nurturing a bond that thrives on mutual respect and understanding. It's about finding those who see your worth and are eager to celebrate it, rather than just going through the motions. Remember, a fulfilling relationship is a two-way street—let’s advocate for genuine effort, meaningful communication, and unwavering support. Choose to embrace the love that nourishes your soul and encourages you to shine! ✨❤️ www.heidikwellsmft.com

05/20/2025

The 4 R’s: A Simple Framework to Navigate Intense Emotions

We’ve all been there—moments when emotions surge unexpectedly. A difficult email. A conversation that triggers something deeper. A silent overwhelm that builds throughout the day.
When this happens, we don’t always need to “solve” the feeling—we need to hold it wisely.

Here’s a practical, trauma-informed tool: The 4 R’s.
It helps you move from reactivity to reflection, from overwhelm to grounded presence.

1. Recognize
Name the emotion. Is it sadness, fear, guilt, resentment? Naming gives your mind a foothold. Neuroscience shows that labeling emotions reduces their intensity by activating the prefrontal cortex.

2. Regulate
Ground yourself. Breathe. Place your hand on your chest. Sip water. Step outside for a moment. Regulation is about returning safety to the nervous system.

3. Reflect
Ask: What triggered this emotion? What story am I telling myself right now?
This is not about blame—it’s about gentle curiosity. Reflection invites insight.

4. Respond
Now that you’re calmer and clearer, what’s the next right step? Is it to set a boundary, have a conversation, journal, or simply rest?

⸻

04/10/2025

As you heal, clarity emerges: Attention isn’t love, attachment isn’t connection and codependency isn’t support. You begin to see that disagreements aren’t attacks, weak boundaries aren’t empathy, and no amount of external validation can replace self-worth. Trauma bonding isn’t healing, neglecting your needs isn’t strength and people-pleasing isn’t kindness. Staying in toxic situations isn’t loyalty, numbing your emotions isn’t coping, and suppressing your truth doesn’t bring peace.

~ Soulful_Therapist

02/22/2025

You deserve better 🩷 repost by: .seltenreich

01/23/2025

Therapy services available in California. Contact me for a free consultation.

Https://www.heidikwellsmft.com

I am a licensed clinician with over 18 years of experience specializing in complex trauma and PTSD, childhood abuse, addiction, and co-occurring disorders along with codependency, narcissistic abuse, and family/individual relational/attachment issues. Together, we will work towards healing and per....

11/08/2024

10/02/2024

https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/55434

10/18/2022

Be kind!

08/20/2022

From Rising Women:

We may find distant or avoidant partners alluring because their avoidance is a challenge for our ego …

We might find it more exciting to be caught up in a push-pull dynamic with someone than to say yes to love that is readily available and healthy for us.

The excitement comes from eroticizing rejection - It feeds that part of us that still feels like have something to prove. Prove we’re lovable or worthy.

That we are so special that we can change someone’s mind or behaviour. But that excitement you feel is also draining your energy and soul-sucking on so many levels.

When we abandon ourselves for someone who’s undeserving of our energy, our inner-child is usually hurting deeply and feeling afraid to be alone.

It's ok to walk away when your heart isn’t being cherished, honoured or supported.

We're all going to have days where we show up as the worst version of ourselves. But at the end of the day, we all deserve to be with someone who we know is in our corner. Someone who loves us on the hard days and treats the relationship as sacred.

Any time we waste chasing someone to give us love, there’s an unmet internal need for love and nurturance toward our inner-child.

You don’t need someone else to reflect back your wounds without being willing to heal with you. You don’t need someone to trigger all of your insecurities by treating you like an after-thought or avoiding intimacy.

It might feel unnatural to let go of this type of connection because you’re breaking a very old pattern… You might even find it “boring” to move towards love that doesn’t trigger you. Don’t worry, this doesn’t make you “crazy”, it means you really want to heal.

And to heal, you have to practice letting healthy love in. Healing occurs as you sever your addictions to shadow relationships and move toward people who hold you in your highest light.

Healing comes from doing Self-acceptance work and making the relationship with YOU and your inner-child the number one relationship in your life. And healing occurs from understanding yourself.

08/15/2022

“Lasting happiness comes primarily from finding peace of mind and peace of mind does not fall from the sky. We need to make concerted efforts to be kind to each other, to live in harmony with each other and cultivate a deep sense of brotherhood and sisterhood throughout the community. We need to reflect on the oneness of humanity.” ~Dalai Lama

06/27/2022

RELATIONSHIP SERIES: If you grew up in a family that felt like a prison, you may have issues with engulfment throughout your life. That is, you may begin to feel like you are trapped, whenever you make a commitment to a relationship, a job, a place to live. If you haven’t done enough work to heal the early life issues, it is very easy to project the expectation of suffering onto anything that you have committed to. It all begins to feel like the same old prison, even if it isn’t.

Symptoms of unresolved engulfment issues include a perpetual need to be on the move geographically; a persistent quitting of jobs; a never-ending quest for ‘the one’; an addiction to seeking (even after finding); the termination of love relationships when they get too close; and the preferring of fantasy and part-time lovers to intimacy with your partner. Sometimes it is true that you are experiencing these symptoms because you are truly not where you belong, but not always. Sometimes it has nothing to do with true-path at all, but everything to do with the need to heal unresolved early-life material. Once healed, the engulfment projections can fall away and you can begin to celebrate the commitments that you have chosen. Not a prison in fact, but a liberating opportunity to heal and transform. - Jeff Brown

02/13/2022

RELATIONSHIP SERIES: Narcissists and Codependents

NARCISSISTIC PARTNRS OFTEN:
* Mirror a Narcissistic parent
* Stonewall or use the Silent Treatment when Angry
* Withhold their Attention / Time / Affection as Punishment
* Workaholics / Self-Absorbed
* Manipulate you with Gaslighting, Blame, Shame, or Guilt
* Controlling, even when they often live in chaos
* Alcoholics, Liars, Cheaters
* Live life through a Fantasy lens
* Feel empty inside
* Have Shallow / Superficial emotions
* Sabotage relationships - Idealize/Devalue/Discard/Move On

You may not realize that the partner you are with is a mirror or a parent that used guilt or other narcissistic manipulations with you as a child. What feels familiar, is often what we are drawn to, even if it is toxic. We don't see that what is familiar is related to growing up in an emotionally unsafe environment.

Have you experienced this with more than one partner? Do you recognize patterns in your relationships that prevent you from experiencing joy? There are ways to heal the past so that you can move forward.

www.heidikwellsmft.com